love never goes to waste.
no, realllllly though.
it NEVER goes to waste.
it may SEEM to go to waste when i put time constraints or preconceived notions/desires of the outcomes on giving love.
it may SEEM to go to waste if i don't perceive getting something, even a tiny something, "in return."
it may SEEM to go to waste when the person in front of my face that i'm attempting to love well, as best i know how in that given moment, responds in a negative or neutral fashion.
it may SEEM to go to waste when...

you fill in your own blanks, friends.

but, here's the bottom line--
the very nature of love, i'm talking REAL, ETERNAL, PERFECT Love flows from one place...and boy oh boy does it flow with no end & without conditions.
if i find myself getting tired loving and fully embracing certain persons, myself, environments or situations...well- it's a red flag, a dear old friend, meant to expose to me my inner parts that have yet to lean on God, and on HIS kind of Love.

"PERFECT Love throws out, expels, casts out, rejects ALL fear.", right? RIGHT.
no need to "hold back" or "save" our love for those whom we perceive to receive it the way we'd like for them to receive/apply it...that's a mentality of rationing our love.
no need to ration infinite, fearless love. no need to give in to a utilitarian mindset that weighs and schemes love...that is simply not the simple but strong childlike Love we are called, equipped, and privileged to give away.


"LOVE. NEVER. FAILS."
.[1 corinthians 13].

I have the best mom.
I just wanted to get that out there.

She is one of THE most chill, caring, nurturing, hospitable, serving, kind, always-thinking-about-others-ish, welcoming, funny, quirky, genuine humans I've ever had the privilege of knowing. Period.
What a gift.

I mayyy have watched this approximately 27 times.
NOT exaggerating.

"Some time later the brook dried up."
[1 Kings 17.7]

Can I be honest?
For some time now, I have been attracted to only music, movies, art, etc. that force me to dig, search and chase the meaning of the lyrics, melodies, patterns, subtleties, etc.
I have an almost borderline distaste for overtly-wholesome lyrics even.
Weird, ey? Perhaps.
But I think it's mayhaps an outer indicator of where I'm presently at inwardly with my God...it's a dig, dig, dig time. A press in, go higher and go deeper time. It's simply not a time to sit back and let Truth and Freedom and rubber-meets-the-road Love come to me on a silver platter. So many of the sources I'm accustomed to going to, to fill that hungry being that resides within each of us humans, have, simply not satisfied the way they used to.
God, keep making us a people willing/desiring to daily choose to hold Your hand and continue to allow You to lead and guide, yet allow this ever-building hunger and stubbourness to march forth inside our soul and make the tough choices that You are not willing to make for us; to refuse to let the spell of this decaying world's idea of "success" and the false beauty of microwave/immediate results enchant us any longer, to the best of our ability.
Or, should I say, to the best of Your ability rushing forth within us...
Oh that we would be swept away by it instead of the vain, anchorless, fading distractions and lesser gods.
This indescribably bright, pure, crisp and frighteningly beautiful light that we've caught a glimpse of in even the slightest flicker of Your eyes far outweighs it all and should be all we need to daily stand up and use that gift of a free will that resides within us and CHOOSE You.
I've more than a slight suspicion that Your countenance glows with joy when so much as one of the billions of humans You fashioned use their free will to make a choice for love.
After all, this life thing is truly composed of a series of choices I suppose.

Who's in charge here?

‎ Oh, how quickly those things not held with an open hand become idols, small gods which drag us around as they please and which we serve.

It truly is more apparent than ever to me that we human beings are indeed creatures who in our very basic wiring WILL worship. We SHALL continually make either THE God or far, far lesser god(s) our master. Myriad distractions, busy-ness & noise vie for our minds, affections, time and, ultimately, our entire lives.

So, what'll it be? Who or what will I allow to lead me around?

May we not just look to God to guide our months or years...but all those untold moments and hours that no one else will ever see or recognize or praise. This hour is continually turning into the next hour. Every day is continually turning into the next day. It never stops moving and morphing, changing and growing. We will either become the slave or, in God's might, make our thoughts, desires, and days our slaves.

vincent moon. you're a flippin genius.

Love handcuffed to a choice.

One conundrum I've pondered off & on the last 6 years or so in particular is this reality of living in the paradox of knowing, at any given time, if we are found in Christ and Christ is found in us as sons and daughters of God, that we are free to be content/unburdened/whole/secure/soul-rested in God alone always; yet, we need other humans, we need relationships.

We just do.

The following is a little blip of an email from my dear aunt Pam:

"It’s difficult to separate what we want from what God wants for us in each of our relationships. “Genuine indifference to the outcome” is how I want to live every day of my life and that includes all things, relationships among them. When Jesus makes it possible for us to believe that God really has our best interests in mind for every aspect of our lives, it’s possible to just sit back and become an active spectator…Active Spectator...sorry for the oxymoron, but so much of following Christ is paradox and oxymoron."

I really believe with my guts that the paradoxes of life with this Savior are meant not to torment, or leave us "stranded" with our unanswered questions, or to leave us in a state of feeling unsettled. What if these paradoxes of life in relationship and community are a GREAT act of love to provoke us to our lovesick God's side and STAY there. Relationships are, and forever will be on this side of Eternity, full of glory, agony, fun, disappointment, ecstasy, pain, surprise both good and not so good, and outlandish beauty. And we MUST fling ourselves into them, giving our lives and love away as best we know how- not giving in to some goofy mindset that we may somehow "run out of love" if we give away "too much" to others. And what about investing in friendships without the guarantee that those same relationships and heart-friends will always be living life with us in our vicinity, close by.

No, there is no pretty answer, no guarantee to these things. Only the guarantee that the God's kind of love is without limit and He is without any reservation in pouring it through us IF we desire. Daily.

Intimacy, depth of love, and covenant will always be full of paradox. Always. But the thing to meditate on through every up and every down and every moment of numbness is this God. This One that started this whole life & existence thing, the One that spun this planet on it's axis and each human in it's mother's womb for one reason: He longed to share. Share love. Share life. And in our depths we long for the same. We just do. He's a God of not just joy, peace, blessing and love. He is most assuredly completely saturated in those things in His very nature and character. But He is definitely a God of pressure. Of trial. Of paradox. Of provocation. But He provokes because He is compelled to do so by His very nature of love.

So, when, not if, each of us has one of those moments or days (like I just so happen to be having today) where life just seems ick in some ways, when some expectations for how life will roll out before us come crashing into reality head-long...THAT is it. THAT is the GIFT of a moment to let out the Hero, the Brave one that resides in each of us and CHOOSE. Choose to have faith/confidence in this One that willingly rescued us from our abysmal darkness and blindness. Choose to give away that kind of Love that God and each of us perhaps longs for the most:

The kind of love that is handcuffed to a hard choice.

It doesn't come easy, it is not instantly gratifying oftentimes & it is burgeoning with trust in the Person Who is Love itself. This isn't the cute puppies and enjoying someone's presence just when they're happy and chock full 'o life/joy form of love. This is Love handcuffed to a CHOICE, and a harrrrd choice at that sometimes.

If, at any moment, we need an in-the-flesh, outright example of what this looks like, we can and must be still and meditate on this perfectly holy, unblemished, unwrinkled God who decided the right thing to do (not the FAIR thing to do, mind you) would be to come down to our dirty, decaying earth, step inside each of our prison cells, and take our place on death row. Love handcuffed to a choice.

Dear God show me Who you are and what You're like again all over this day. And please give us the strength in You to keep allowing You to carve out more and more and more space inside each of us for Yourself that You may live & move around and love as You alone please. Teach us to be ever-increasingly open-handed, active spectators in our hearts, relationships, longings, work, play, and thoughts...oh make us a people skilled at living in paradox and oxymoron.

With You at our side we are able indeed.

You are mighty good God.

We each know this full well.

You have proven your love time and time and time and time and time again.

You have made the decision to bind Yourself to us in faithfulness.

Teach us, oh teach us to do the same with steadfast hearts brave enough to CHOOSE love. Daily.

Your boundaries are so DAD GUM pleasant!

I. LIIIKE:
Submission.
Spiritual covering.
Accountability.
Real depth/commitment/rawness of friendship.
Covenant.

Boy oh boy, I LIKE THESE.
I AM SO SO SOOOO GRATEFUL FOR THESE.
I LOVE how God designed these boundaries to truly set each of us freeee.

In the same way that water being buzzed through a hose has far more power, & far more directed power than free flowing water just plopping down out of the sky every which way...the boundaries You lovingly set up, or at least long to set up, in each of our lives are GOOD my God. Mighty, mighty good.
The path of least resistance, lone ranger-ness, inbred truth...all these & so much more can be avoided through Your beautiful gift of boundaries and the safety of covenant family.

I LOVE how "faith expressing itself through LOVE" finds an all the more spacious place to roam & express itself in the humility of brotherly/sisterly love in this FAMILY of God.
Oh precious God, THANKS SOOO MUCH for spiritual parents, spiritual bro's & sis'....a FAMILY more legit than just about anything. How quick You are to set us in these deep, powerful, tough but beautiful relationships if we truly long & ask for them.

"LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance." Psalm 16:5-6

Oh God, how I ADORE Your outlandishly loving boundaries.

decisions & family...

But God Told Me ...

http://www.relevantmagazine.com/god/deeper-walk/blog/20138-but-god-told-me-

like this article.
it seems rather balanced in tackling some of the heftier/foundational truths of daily interactions with God and our fellow humans.
i like the emphasis on the value that interactions with our God should be an on-going conversation.
oh God, keep making us a collective people, a Family, humble & confident enough in our identity in You, that we can say from time to time, like the 3 fellows all those years ago who were about to be thrown into a hootenanny hot blazin' furnace, "ya know what? i'm not 100% sure of what i'm doing or where i'm always going or what the point of this current confusion/hardship is or how/if God will show up the way i suppose He will. but you know what else...God really does hold me, hold us. and to the best of my ability, i've attempted to live up to the Truth that i have attained in Him up to today. i've tried my dangdest to be led by the gut-level peace that He alone stirs within my depths that nothing else can touch or take away. i just have..."
and, heck yes, we will still get it wrong sometimes and need to back out of things with love & grace. but SWEET HECK we've been placed in the RAD-EST, most COLOURFUL, WISE, FUN & LOVING Family....EVER. we have wise council, discerning heart-friends & loved ones to help us patiently, trustingly make decisions with our God & eachother.
DANG i love this God.
and DANG i love this Family.

AAAAnd I'll take that burden. Yep, EVERY one. EVERY day. Kay, thanks.

Psalms 55.22 & 1 Peter 5.7 [literal translation of Hebrew]:

"(Cast, cast out, cast away, cast down, cast forth, cast off, hurl, fling, shed) your (care, burden, lot that is given you) onto God and He WILL (contain, feed, sustain, abide, nourish, hold, receive, victual, bear, comprehended) you. He will NEVER let the righteous be (moved, overcome, fall)."

"(Cast, throw) ALL your anxiety onto Him. Why? Because He (cares, is interested in, is concerned) for you."

monks. melodies. meadows.

a lil snippet of my soundtrack for the drive today...


SERIOUSLY y'all.
PLEASE spend some days at a monastery/abbey/convent from time to time if at all possible.

I had SUCH a dreamy time a few days back at Conception Abbey (in Conception, Missouri) hanging out with the monks & their live organ tunes; really being, just BEING, in silence for hours & hours at a time and simply letting this God re-center it all once again...oh when He shows up with His divine plumbline; when He recalibrates all the chaos that can ensue when the eternal being inside me constantly collides with the temporal jungle surrounding it...and does His magic.

I'm so grateful for the reverence and the quiet, brave routine of those living full-blown monastic lifestyles.
God help me continue to implement these life-giving structures/disciplines that make space for greater freedom into my own every day existence.
oh dear me.
really.
so good.
just so, so good.

I'm presently really enjoying this little 122-page gem.
It's written in this ancient form of writing called "sense lines" which helps the reader pause and really ponder certain things without 21st-century-style plowing through.
This collection of thoughts is somethin' else. I find it's already gently but effectively exposing filters I didn't even know I had about this God-Man.

"Most folks think of Jesus
as the man who started Christianity.

But it turns out
he wasn't just a man,
and he didn't just start Christianity.

Most folks think of Jesus
as an other-worldly religious leader,
a great moral teacher,
or maybe they don't think of him at all.

But he had dirty feet,
partied,
cooked breakfast
and got himself killed.

Who was this guy?
Why did people hate him so much?

And why should I care?

Whether you've never looked closely at the Christian faith or you've dismissed it as irrelevant, you owe yourself a glance at a Jesus unencumbered by stereotypes. You might be surprised at what you see..."

me likey.

First Listen: Philip Selway.

yup.
after all this time...
i STILL can't get enough of this.

More Cowbell! - watch more funny videos

EEE-GADS.

oh my.

www.usdebtclock.org

"I'm far happier celebrating the everyday -- less expectation of the EVENT leads to more room for surprise & discovery"

BOOM. SHAKA.
exactly.

music of the moment...


thoughts presently lovingly whomping my boo-tay:

"the Bible says that everyone 'marveled at the words of Jesus.' but Mary 'treasured the words.' there is a difference. she made place in her heart for what was spoken, gave it a safe place to be nurtured until it was birthed. i don't know if it's possible for everyone to do that latter part. i would like to believe it is. so here's the question:
'what would you like to give birth to, what would you like to give place to that would actually impact the course of history for cities, nations? what is it that you would like to carry in your heart?' there may be thousands of us, there may be millions of us. i would like to think that there are many of us carrying the same promises. yet while i know that there are so many that feel the same, i must carry that promise, steward the promise before the Lord, as if i were the only one stewarding it, though. i don't like the arrogant thing that can rise up from out of that, but I must carry that thing before the Lord with excellence..."

billy boy johnson.
bethel podcast 9 august 2010.

this has had me all kinds of excited the last couple weeks:

US billionaires pledge 50% of their wealth to charity.

the mirage of fear.

"i must say a word about fear. it is life's only true opponent. only fear can defeat life. it is a clever, treacherous (often slow but steady) adversary, how well i know. it has no decency, respects no law or convention, shows no mercy. it goes for your weakest spot, which it finds with unerring ease. it begins in your mind, always. one moment you are feeling calm, self-possessed, happy. then fear, disguised in the form of mild-mannered doubt, slips into your mind like a spy. doubt meets disbelief and disbelief tries to push it out. but disbelief is a poorly armed foot soldier. doubt does away with it with little trouble. you become anxious. reason comes to do battle for you, you are re-assured. reason is fully equipped with the latest weapons technology. but, to your amazement, despite superior tactics and a number of undeniable victories, reason is laid low. you feel yourself weakening, wavering. your anxiety morphs into dread. you make rash decisions (or are just frozen in your tracks). the matter is difficult to put into words. for fear, real fear, such as shakes you to your foundation, such as you feel when you are brought face to face with your mortal end (or the end or long-delay of a long-standing dream, for that matter), nestles in your memory like a gangrene; it seeks to rot everything, even the words with which to speak of it. so you must fight hard to express it. you must fight hard to shine the light of words upon it. because if you don't; if your fear becomes a wordless, formless darkness, an obscure sense of dread that you avoid, perhaps even manage to forget, you open yourself to further attacks of fear because you never truly fought the opponent who defeated you."
from Life of Pi

we are commanded to not even put up with so much as a vague sense of dread.
we are commanded to fear God alone.
we are commanded to live as though "Perfect love has thrown out ALL fear. forever. and ever."

this is our inheritance. un-earn-able. simply accepted, on the grounds of God's faithfulness alone.
heck yes the sometimes seemingly incessant whispers of "you don't deserve to daily live in such freedom, such UTTER liberty & joy! you don't deserve to awake every morning and get the chance to lean on the Faithful & True One; the One more dependable than the rising sun!" are true.
we DON'T deserve this dear friends. don't deserve any of this unfathomable, infinite inheritance. but OHHH BABYYY this Jesus HAS earned it & deserves it FOR us.

may every day be one big, fat, nonstop "YES GOD!!!" when it comes to believing what He says about us & whispers to us, instead of the stupid whispers & mirages of fear, dread & even so much as one moment of giving in to the deception of hopelessness.
we (you, me, ALL of us) were the "joy set before Him"
and boy oh boy, may He forever be the joy set before us, too, folks.

this is what i feel like every time the Jesus in me hangs out with the Jesus inside another human...

and this:





and this:

so good.

OH so GOOD.

jumpin jehosaphats.
i DIG being a girly girl sometimes.

"success" success? success!

music of the moment...
she's one of my favorite gals to sing along with.
so good.


welp, i've had my notions of "success" SERIOUSLY challenged again as of late.
like, big time.
i've felt God ushering, inviting, even lovingly luring me into a new level of simplicity.
we're talking MAJOR simplicity folks.
for some many months now, the days of my life have been composed largely of filling out my pocket calender with teaching jobs; coffee dates/bible studies with various family & friends & strangers; baby watching; occasional ministry trips comprised mainly of simply encouraging/song leading/conversations; cooking; listening/being still; jogging; music; outdoors time; reading; exploration & asking God to continually teach me how to love the humans that He's decided will comprise my life nearby geographically & far away geographically.
simple. insanely simple.

it's been one of the most humbling, cleansing, delightful, excruciating, freeing junctures of my journey with this God.
i think it has partly to do with a clashing of unnamed preconceived notions & sowing more into the unseen than the seen.
i'm beginning to see He's removing yet another layer of the disgusting Americanized Christianity that has lived inside me, somehow rather unbeknownst to me, for some time. it's that "selfish ambition" that Paul talks about. it's that go, go, go- find identity in busy-ness & productivity instead of in your God thing.
its that $$$ = fake comfort thing.
it's that house with a mortgage/2 cars/fatty bank account = i've "arrived" or something thing.
stuff that i've always found myself clamoring for, without quite knowing why.
[for an interesting take on this, give "The Overspent American" a looksee.]

and then there's this.
this unsettling, yet remarkably freeing passage in the Bible:

Philippians 2

He Took on the Status of a Slave

^1-4If you've gotten anything at all out of following Christ, if his love has made any difference in your life, if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you, if you have a heart, if you care— then do me a favor: Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends. Don't push your way to the front; don't sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. Don't be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand. ^5-8Think of yourselves the way Christ Jesus thought of himself. He had equal status with God but didn't think so much of himself that he had to cling to the advantages of that status no matter what. Not at all. When the time came, he set aside the privileges of deity and took on the status of a slave, became human! Having become human, he stayed human. It was an incredibly humbling process. He didn't claim special privileges. Instead, he lived a selfless, obedient life and then died a selfless, obedient death—and the worst kind of death at that—a crucifixion.

my, my, my.
this is a whole 'nother level of creativity.
like it. a lot.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0F0SXSVAIEI

cows & their cud. dogs & their vomit.

Mmm I'm currently sipping some iced chai latte. And as of late I've started making root beer floats with chai concentrate instead of root beer...DO it people. You won't regret it.
Mmm and also currently the IHOP webstream is singing out these heartcries:
"All I want is You. And all I need is found only in Your heart. All I want is You. And all I need is found only in Your heart..."
And in 1,000+ ways every day, it seems, I can feel my heart attracted to Truth, to Light, to this bottom-line-reality...You really are the IT. You really are the Reality. You really are the Point. Of. It. ALL. All else fading. All else passing shadows. All else, mirages at best of the ultimate Reality.
We know this. I know this. But so many thoughts & emotions have seemingly mucked up the simplicity & clarity that I know You want us to live in, to thrive in, daily.

I've been re-reminded as of late, about the temptation to over-analyze in the place of refining/cleansing/preparation seasons in particular.
I was reading over some old journal entries a couple days ago & came upon a teaching from my latest visit to Bethel Church out in Redding, CA. It was entitled "Knowing Your Season."
And I noticed that one of the speaker's points that I had jotted down much of my personal notes about was the bit about "certain personalities really need to be vigilant & aware of their tendency to over-analyze things TOO much...especially counselor-types..."
SHAMA BLAMA.
Precisely. At some point in the analyzing-journey it becomes sin. It really does.
And I confess it has crossed over into sin in my own life many, many, mannny times.
It's as though somewhere deep inside me I have faith in this belief that if I just think enough, hard enough & put on my scuba suit & dive in, introspectively, enough- I shall indeed find all the answers to my unanswered questions. I shall somehow, someday, catch the proverbial carrot in front of this rabbits face, and plum square away why I have yet-unfulfilled desires & as-of-yet unmet preconceived notions & assumptions of how life might go down.
Because, lets be honest now, we probably don't struggle with over-analyzing toooo terribly much when we find ourselves smack-dab in the middle of fulfilled desires.
"Oh God, what have I done wrong to wind up here in this wonderful place of desire fulfilled? What can I change? How can I get out of this? Did you shower down all this blessing or is it my fault? Did I take a wrong turn somewhere??"
Nope. I can't say I've ever probably struggled with over-analyzing when I'm where I "want" to be, where I imagined myself being, swimming in fulfilled desire.

So, as it would turn out, part of what I've called "a healthy self-awareness" is actually unbelief.
Heaps of it. With a good bit of discontentment mixed into the batter as well.
There are certain refining/preparation seasons where God's love seems to compel Him to rain down fresh cleansing of each of our souls like a beautiful, yet intense, Springtime rain. And it seems that can look like many of our external "props" seemingly disappearing & us being left with God. And God inside us.
And loneliness, confusion, fear, weakness, yet-unsatisfied desires/dreams/preconceived life notions seem our companions.
We are of those who are learning to say "my soul is like a weaned child within me."
And with each passing year, Lord willing, God & God inside us ever-increasingly becomes enough.
Our portion.
And we are content in Him alone.

So over-analyzing is really me giving in to a temptation to unbelief because I have attempted, if but for a few moments, to step in to God's role in my life...I have honestly thought, deep down, that I am wholly in charge of my life, wholly dependent upon "achieving" or "earning" the destiny that even God Himself may have spoken over me.
I subconsciously (well, consciously too at times I suppose) intend to accomplish it myself. In my timing & ways.
Sans that whole dependency thang.
Sans that whole waiting thang.
Sans that whole weak, desperate thang.

ICK. ICK. ICK.
I'm acting like an orphan again. "Acting" because that is precisely what it is, acting.
I'm a legit child. Legally, relationally, a CHILD of God. So, therefore, any orphan mindsets, actions, or beliefs require acting on my part. Acting in a role that is not naturally mine.
I'm not my own. I'm bought. A signed, sealed, delivered daughter of God Most High.
Why o why do I waste energies on acting in a role I do not wish on anyone?
We were bought by this God-Man Jesus, at a price so very steep we may never understand or fully know. He willingly paid the price, willingly went to the depths of our utter depravity, to the place so dark it's void of even shadows & grabbed the keys that we might die & step into Him, into His very identity.

I've more than a couple dear friends over the years stop me in one of my myriad verbal-processing moments and tell me "Sarah, babe, you're doing it again, thinking wayyy too much."
Oh. Right. Yes indeed.

Nurturing healthy self-awareness? Heck yes.
Taking regular time to evaluate where God & each of us are & prayerfully inspecting whether each of us is fully engaging our heart in the place of prayer & belief with the Words He's spoken over our lives? Yes. Most assuredly, yes.
Taking personality tests & always learnin a little somethin, somethin about what each of us bring to the table, and how we're each hard-wired so to speak? Sure.

But introspection & analyzing to the point of God becoming A focus, instead of THE focus? NO NO NO.
Ruminating to the point of us setting our gaze on/worshiping our selves or the choices of other humans, moreso than on His splendor, perfection of beauty, holiness, might & all-deservingness? NO NO NO.
Chewing our cud to the point of loosing clear sight of our God in the every moment, loosing the sheer enthrallment of what He's like & how intricately involved He is? NO NO NO..
Talk about a dog going back to it's nasty vomit, over & over again.
Dear God, please NO.
If we are indeed creatures that WILL become what we meditate on...well sweet jeeze.
Over-analyzing self is a trap and we gotta get the HECK outta there.

Teach us to instead analyze Your Word, Your personality, Your thoughts.
Now THATS cud I wanna chew on...over & over & over (apologies for the cow-digestive-system analogies...if you've ever studied the digestive system of a cow you'd completely understand why it's SUCH a fitting picture of how to digest God & the Word, though!).
Talk about life-giving, joy-giving, You-glorifying.
I've quite simply had toooo many moments in life where to wear a smile & laugh my bum off were more natural, not to mention powerful, than the frown or apathy that so quickly wanted to move in & stay a while.
He said His joy is medicine that keeps us strong.
He said He lives inside of us & isn't going anywhere. Ever.
He said He's gonna come back for us & that He's always praying for us, even now.
He said He has a name set aside for each of us, a secret, intimate name that He'll share with us (during a 1-on-1 coffee date He'll have with each of us someday I reckon).
He said don't get toooo caught up on the pragmatics of things, don't go looking for too terribly many formulas (old covenant-style) on how to walk out everyday relationship rightly...JUST LOVE. JUST TRUST Me enough to SUBMIT to one another.

Oh God, I want to worship You in Spirit & in Truth. Mind, soul, body, strength.
Show me the way again today.
"God keeps him or her in PERFECT peace, the one who SETS his or her mind" On her life? On her current situation? On her past? On her future? On her personality type? On her leadership opportunities? On her bank account? On the positive feedback of other humans? On her ministry accomplishments? On her friendships? On her desires? On comparisons with those around her? On the path her family takes? On the path other 28-year-olds take?
Nope.
"God keeps him or her in PERFECT peace, the one who SETS his or her mind on HIM, because they TRUST in God."

So, if you're one of the seemingly many others who're experiencing some o' that cleansing/refining/prepatory rain of God...wellll congrats.
It's a heckova beautiful place to be.

the 63rd.

music of the moment... Purely instrumental music [i.e. sans words] is a bit of a life-strategy for me presently it seems...

A psalm. One that I've clung to off & on the last many months like a child clings to floaties his first few bouts of swimming. I'm banking on Your promises God.

Teach me, please, again & again & again how to walk through a refining season YOUR way. One day at a time give me YOUR perspective. What do YOU see from Your wildly different angle? Arghhh I don't want to give in to aimlessness, distraction or hopelessness for so much as an hour. I don't wanna be numb, don't wanna believe the lies hissed in my ear that I've lost my ever-loving mind & am walking the path of a fool. Oh wait, I am a fool to one temporary, fading, mirage of a world. But not in Your world. Just teach me Father, again, to walk a dry spell properly with you, to STICK by Your side & abide. I flipping love walking new experiences with You, and new levels & layers of even the same experiences. and not just the "good" ones or "fun" ones or "easy" ones. HECK NAHHH...constantly hearing the invitation escaping Your heart through Your lips to me "Come. Come away with Me. I Love investing into this ever-expanding personal history with you My child. Oh, I LOVE it" keeps me ever-burgeoning with joy unspeakable. If I allow it to. I was telling a friend yesterday how continually astounded I am that there seems to be no "all dry" or "all good" seasons walking alongside this God. Even "mountaintop" seasons seem to be speckled here & there with hardships, humbling, confusion from time to time. And even "valley" seasons seem flowered with sooo much beauty, sooo many legitly valuable & fun moments of blessing, that it can actually take me a good bit of time to even reconcile the fact with God that I'm in a "desert" season. I like that. I like that, as it turns out, ol brother Paul was right, "I've found the secret. Want to know what it is? Here it is: contentment in God. That's right, discovering Him over & over & over fuels faith, joy, hope, vision & purpose for this journey of Love. Whether we're well fed & swimming in plenty or whether we feel dry as a raisin with little to give, just GIVE. Just LOVE. Test this theory. Just try it. See what happens..."

Psalm 63

A David Psalm, When He Was out in the Judean Wilderness

¹ God—you're my God! I can't get enough of you!
I've worked up such hunger and thirst for God,
traveling across dry and weary deserts.

^2-4 So here I am in the place of worship, eyes open,
drinking in your strength and glory.
In your generous love I am really living at last!
My lips brim praises like fountains.
I bless you every time I take a breath;
My arms wave like banners of praise to you.

^5-8 I eat my fill of prime rib and gravy;
I smack my lips. It's time to shout praises!
If I'm sleepless at midnight,
I spend the hours in grateful reflection.
Because you've always stood up for me,
I'm free to run and play.
I hold on to you for dear life,
and you hold me steady as a post.

visioneering. dreamcasting. healthily imagining.

friends, someday [hopefully sooner rather than later] i will have a brain in my skull that won't feel quiiiite so distracted & weary, and i shall be able to pen some of my own thoughts to paper once more.
however, until then, here's someone else's thoughts. someone whom i greatly respect:

"Vision Gives Pain a Purpose"
An excerpt from Kris Vallotton's upcoming book, Heavy Rain.
from ibethel.org

"Of course, I am not saying that if you imagine a pink elephant you are going to give birth to it. I am simply trying to demonstrate the supernatural principle of envisioning. The New Age movement has been teaching this [envisioning yet-unseen-realities] for years, which has led many Christian leaders to think that the idea is from hell. But the truth is that they are stealing our stuff, and by reacting to them we have lost the creative power of visioneering.

Okay, now let me be a little more pragmatic for a moment. This supernatural principle basically works like this: When we imagine something in our mind’s eye, a phenomenon occurs in our spirits that causes us to want to see with our natural eyes what we perceived in our hearts. Michelangelo put it like this: “I saw the angel in the marble and I carved to set it free.” He looked at a boulder with his natural eyes and with his imagination he pictured an angel imprisoned in the stone. This motivated him to relentlessly chip away at the rock until he could view on the outside what he imagined on the inside. When people envision something (especially something from God), it creates a naturally supernatural impetus to apprehend the vision and see it fulfilled, built, funded, and otherwise realized.

Solomon said, “Where there is no vision, the people are unrestrained (wander aimlessly), but happy is he who keeps the law” (Proverbs 29:18, NASB). The King James Version says it this way: “Where there is no vision, the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy is he.” When people lack vision, they lead unrestrained lives. Their life’s motivation is reduced to staying out of pain or finding pleasure. This may seem like Easy Street, but it is actually the path to a mundane, boring existence, which ultimately undermines God’s divine destiny in their lives. As Helen Keller, who was born blind, said, “It is a terrible thing to see and have no vision.” But when people catch a vision, they will “keep the law;” in other words, they will restrain their options to apprehend their vision. Vision not only gives focused energy that empowers us to say no to certain things and yes to others; it also gives us the courage to endure difficulties in the path to our destiny.

Here is an example: An overweight person goes to the gym to get in shape. But the morning after his first workout, he is so sore that he can hardly get out of bed. If he has a vision (he can picture himself with a great body), that vision will give his pain a purpose. It’s vision that causes a person to restrain his eating, reorder his schedule, and push past the discomfort of muscle pain to obtain his goal. On the other hand, it is very difficult to get skinny by hating being fat, because reacting to a negative rarely creates a positive.

Vision is the invisible manager that guides, encourages, and inspires fervent souls undertaking the Master’s supernatural assignment to prepare the planet for His re-entry. When I see saints exercising enormous self-control, showing great courage in overcoming difficulties, and demonstrating excellence in their divine assignments, I know it means that they have captured a vision for their lives.

I am reminded of the old fable of the three bricklayers all working on the same long wall. Someone came up to the first man laying bricks and asked, “Sir, may I ask what you are doing?”

“I am laying bricks,” he snapped sarcastically. “What does it look like I am doing?”

The man approached the second bricklayer and asked, “What are you doing?”

“I am building a wall. That’s what I am doing.”

Finally, the inquisitive onlooker approached the last mason, finding him hard at work briskly laying bricks with exceptional excellence and speed. “Mister, could I trouble you with a question? What is it that you are doing?” the man asked in admiration.

Still hard at work, the bricklayer answered, “I am building a great cathedral for God.” Which mason would you want working for you?

oh Mumford & Sons. you are dear friends to my eardrums. Mumford & Sons. "Awake My Soul"

How fickle my heart and how woozy my eyes
I struggle to find any truth in your lies
And now my heart stumbles on things I don't know
This weakness I feel I must finally show

Lend me your hand and we'll conquer them all
But lend me your heart and I'll just let you fall
Lend me your eyes I can change what you see
But your soul you must keep, totally free
Har har, har har, har har, har har

In these bodies we will live, in these bodies we will die
Where you invest your love, you invest your life
In these bodies we will live, in these bodies we will die
Where you invest your love, you invest your life

Awake my soul, awake my soul
Awake my soul
You were made to meet your maker
Awake my soul, awake my soul
Awake my soul
You were made to meet your maker
You were made to meet your maker

some current societal "norms" worth questioning indeed...

here's some telling, stirring, chilling & exciting excerpts for you to chew on from a book i'm currently reading...
"The New Conspirators: Creating the Future One Mustard Seed at a Time." by Tom Sine.
goodness friends, this is a book worth picking up, praying in to & acting on.


"here's the problem for a new generation, [esp. those in their 20s & 30s] in a nutshell:
the double whammy of (1.)massive college debt and (2.)significantly higher housing costs seriously limits life options for those who want to make a difference with their lives.
[the cost of private college education has increased forty-fold from $700/year in 1958 to around $30,000 today. BUT the average summer job has only doubled or tripled in value, from $4 to $8-$12/hr. as a result, very few of the baby boomer generation had any college debt because they could easily work their way through college; whereas fully 2/3rds of students in the US today graduate with debts of $17,600-$23,000...not to mention the issue of increasing difficulty to acquire a job even with a college degree...]
research proves that we work far more hours, have less time with our families, are able to save less & less, and are less happy than we were in the 1950's.
in other words, the age shift makes it much more challenging for a new generation to get started and even harder to free up time or money to invest in the work of God's mustard seed conspiracy as an everyday lifestyle. those of us who are older need to help those in four streams [emergent churches, missions, mosaic/creative arts & monastic] and recent grads find innovative ways to meet their essential needs without spending such a large share of their limited resources.

numbers of us in the West have come to see the single-family-detached lifestyle model as the "norm", even though most of our forebears before World War II lived in extended or shared housing arrangements like many of the urban poor still do today. as we race into the twenty-first century, we are facing two conflicting trends. on one hand our global consumer culture and our growing involvement in the cyber world are influencing us to become much more individualistic. on the other hand, the cost of our individualistic lifestyle models is becoming increasingly more expensive than many will be able to afford. as a consequence, growing numbers of us will be pressured to consider shared and cooperative lifestyle models for economic reasons.

frankly, i think it is time for middle-class Christians to reexamine our love affair with our individualistic lifestyles and explore community and cooperative based models. these could enable us to more authentically embody the values of our faith, provide a bit more economic security, and reduce our costs so that we have more time and money to invest in the work of God's new order"

well said lawrence. well said.

"All men dream, but not equally.Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their mind wake in the morning to find that it was vanity. But the dreamers of the day are dangerous people, for they dream their dreams with their eyes open and make them true." - Lawrence of Arabia

upside down, inside out Kingdom. LOVE it. well, learning to.

oh Father.
make us a people free to be ourselves in You.
wildly free to celebrate the celebrations of others.
students of your presence. your words.
cultivating friendships in the beautiful bonds of commitment, not for what we can get out of them.
declaring & loosing on earth that which belongs in your Kingdom.
tying up & throwing out the things that do not.
learning to worship in Spirit & Truth--i.e. with ALL our being, at ALL moments- body and soul. and according to Truth- to choose to "only live up to that which we've each already attained" of the Truth, the Light you've given each of us thus far in our journeys alongside you.
make us free to worship unselfishly & undistracted. free to make you the be-all end-all, never a means to an end.
you ARE the end. the substance. the beginning. the finality.
thank you that you are ALWAYS up to more planning & scheming than i'll ever give you credit for. you are always up to FAR more pursuing of mankind & of me than i'll ever be able to return to you.
but this thrusts me, moves me, compels me to look at this tiny vapor of a life as my jar of nard to pour out- if i may somehow at least attempt to give all of myself- mind soul body being- back to you. through my thoughts, my choices, my songs, my acts. my hopes. my words. the thousands of small choices to believe and act on truth & in love every single day.
where your cloud stops, we'll stop.
where your peace inside us rests, we'll rest.
every invitation of weird secrets you share with us about total strangers, we will accept, agree with and act on.
we are of those who are aware of times & seasons, and therefore are more able to live FULLY ALIVE in each moment set before us daily.
may we never compare our individual paths with so much as one other human- but we shall be utterly giddy over our own paths with you.
why?
because you have painstakingly created & dreamed up this specific path of intimacy & friendship with me, with us.
i refuse to spit on it, spit on you by saying its not good enough & comparing.
You know what You're doing. and you have a plan. always.
i long for you. this longing inside me tells me daily that i was fashioned for another place. a place that is always closer than we think. closer with each passing day.
i love tears, they are investments that always yield a return in your Kingdom.
i love laughter, it is always healing and strengthening.
i make my agreements with you daily God.
because i will always make them with somebody.
always.
i say no to hell, to lies, to accusations always knocking on my door.
hell may be obsessed with accusations, not You.
not me, i pray.
we are all in this thing together. no "us" vs. "them"
some of us aware of the utter glory we carry about inside us, some yet unaware.
some of us have found the Home & get the sheer joy of being that "welcome Home" mat to all those around us. ALL those around us.
we are all the prodigal.
we are all the older brother.
we all are called by a never-before-spoken name...may all of us get the chance to stand alone before Jesus & hear it escape His lips some sweet day.
the only way we ever lose in this temporary life is to stop risking; to tell our hearts 'you can only love this much & no more'; to cheat our God, ourselves & others by believing the lie that we can live our lives on our own, lone ranger style, for so much as a moment.
the whole Vine & Branches thing. God meant that.
we're all on a royal setup- a magnificent conspiracy of Love.
only the servant leads.
only the humble really love.
only the eternal really lasts.
only the child-like matures.
the fire & pain deepens.
the hope unseen, REAL hope.
this world appears to spin madly on, but we are never without a choice in how we spend our days.
its the secret history with God, forged in the closet that lasts & that can never be snatched away in the least.
if you're unsure about the path you're walking, but choosing to jump up & down with glee about Who's walking with you; if you are prone to look side to side & compare yet give God your weak, broken 'yes' to believe Truth & focus on His eyes instead; if you fail & fall & act selfishly & get distracted yet get back up again & lean into the Source of all strength & love, well, kudos.
you are a raging success.
a RAGING success my friend.

UK bay-bayyyyy

sweeeet willie i am LOVING this month in the UK my friends.

its been wildly perfect & feels super planned out by God.

new kindred-hearted friendships have been forged; time resting with one of my closest friends done well; and time exploring the wild beauty of ireland & scotland as well as the buzzing citylife of beautiful london & paris has been soaked on up.

i was certainly not finding myself chomping at the bit to return back to the states. if it werent for all the humans i love in the ol US of A, it'd probably make more sense to just move over here for a wee bit o time.

i especially fell head over feet for Dublin & London and rather feel as though I could move to either city with virtually no culture shock :) the personality/humor/colour/fashion/food fare, etc. of especially Dublin and London, felt so "home-y" to me.

enjoy a bit o' my trip via pictures:

my dear, lovely close crystal friend. we're waiting on our bus from Loch Ness back to Inverness, Scotland.

our FUN/neat/quality dublin housemates.

A lifelong dream come true: Loch Ness Monster hunting in Scotland...ahhhhh!!!

the Substance.

a little blurp from the most recent song i've written:

oh all the carrots this rabbit chases
round & round we go
when in the end, once theyre caught
lose most their appeal, well maybe all

oh all the wind i try to lay hold of
just when its in my grasp
i long for it no more, alas,
perhaps i'll find what i'm lookin for next go around

chorus-
oh i've fallen again. i've fallen again
for the thrill of the chase
i've fallen again i've fallen again
for the mirage
and all the while, and all the while, there you are
just waitingggg,
watchingggg,
fighting for meeee,
yeah you're fighting for me

oh all the carrots this rabbit chases
round & round & round we go
when in the end, once theyre caught
lose most their appeal, well maybe all

chorus-

oh all i crave, all i need
i find it's been right here,
right in front of me
could it get any more obvious
this earth has nothing i desire
but you, but you
nothing my hands can touch,
no nothing my eyes can see-
hold what You do for me

chorus-

so i resolve today,
and every other day
to remember, i'm gonna remember
nothing i'm really searching for is found outside me
but within...oh here you are
right. here. alll thisss time.

each of us carries the testimony in our lives of the Lord being ever so graciously committed to our freedom. for as long as i can remember [and for longer than i can remember] He is always, always taking off layers of the onion, always revealing the real version of me...i think He only ever sees the "truest version" of ourselves- but just by simply living life, that truest version of ourselves as He sees us can and does get mucked up with different crappy experiences that life can throw at us, etc, affecting the way we each see ourselves- but never really affecting the person He sees when He looks @ us.

so He''s always fighting for us and peeling off the muck, revealing that truest version...daily. and this song is just addressing the lie in our hearts that what we're looking for, all of us that comprise this human race, is found outside us- that we must spin madly on searching, seeking for something or someone to make us feel "more alive" or "happier" or "more whole", etc.
oh how i do long to daily allow the Lord to expose the deception of the carrot dangling in front of my face...that just one more endeavor, just one more relationship, just one more ministry opportunity, just one more child, just one new car, etc will ever make any of us feel "different" or "complete".
all in this life is only a mirage of the ultimate reality. the ultimate Substance is...Him. and Him alone.

in this Creator, this Ultimate Initiator, this Pure Love, there is not so much as a tiny shadow of turning...not so much as any darkness or variation at all. He is the fullness. the substance. the ultimate. all else is merely an incomplete glimpse/shadow/hint/mirage of a greater reality meant to draw us to Him...this is good. very, very good. so long as we allow the mirage/shadow/glimpse to thrust us up higher into the Substance. so long as we don't stop & glorify even the very good things of life. because the very good things of life are only prodding us to turn again & again to our God. may none of the shadows of our life steal His all-deserving praise dear friends.

so let this God of pure, all-out Love reveal each of our carrots. and may we each be brave enough to let them be exposed for what they are in our lives...simply means to an end.
Him.

no more carrots- just the Reality, the Substance, please :)

ahhh PEACE.

feast on this Strong's Concordance definition for the Greek word "peace" :

a) exemption from the rage and havoc of war

2) peace between individuals, i.e. harmony, concord

3) security, safety, prosperity, felicity,

4) of the Messiah's peace

a) the way that leads to peace (salvation)

5) of Christianity, the tranquil state of a soul assured of its salvation through Christ, and so fearing nothing from God and content with its earthly lot, of whatsoever sort that is

6) the blessed state of devout and upright men after death

7) to set at one again."

whoa whoa whoa.

did you catch all those? like really bathe in them? i hope so :)

especially that last one there, "to set at ONE again."

i believe some blindfolds have been taken off my face in the last several weeks specifically in the arena of the chaos, noise, constant movement, distraction & myriad choices of our technologically driven microwave-society that we in this generation have come to know as "normal".

i can feel it, i'm sure we all can feel it...when that dreaded sense of our simplicity, our focus, and our deep, abiding soul rest starts to slowly [oftentimes unknowingly] leak out from us. it's as though we've all got some umbilical cord connected to technology [i.e. phones, facebook, email, chat, etc.]

although all this technology indeed has such enormous amounts of positive aspects, i reckon it's SOO vital to take stock periodically and discern whether technology is serving us.

or whether we are slaves to it.

because it will mean a slow, steady death to our souls if we allow it.

i've felt the Holy Spirit gently nudge me every-so-often to pray instead of text friends in those free moments while waiting for the bus.

or to meditate on a couple Truths while i'm waiting for a friend at a coffee shop instead of checking my email. again.

or perhaps to deny my striving soul's desire for distraction & movement [an oftentimes false feeling of "productivity" or "achievement"] and make the brave choice to sit in complete silence & solitude when i'm already feeling particularly lonely...hoping against all hope that my moment of lonliness will be met overabundantly by my all-knowing Creator, and not by anyone or anything else.

"Wait on the Lord. Trust in the Lord. Be encouraged. And WAIT on the Lord...in Him alone is all our hope"

and what does wait mean but to:

stay. tarry. remain. stick around for a while. stop. halt. say "no" to some things, perhaps MANY things [especially the GOOD things sometimes] so that we can more fully give our "yes!" to other, far more valuable, BEST things.

if we can only make it through that initial soul scream that says "but i don't want to feel that question again deep in my soul. i don't want to feel that initial tinge of lonliness. i don't want to be still only to feel & hear nothing..."

oh God, make us brave.

help us make that choice to wait on You alone. daily.

to be still & quiet our hearts and minds...giving Him alone our "yes!" knowing that, in one way or another, He will indeed meet us. EVERY STINKIN TIME. in one way or another.

because He alone knows us perfectly. and sees us constantly. and has walked every step of life with us. no one else can stake claim to that kind of intimacy with YOU my friend. no one else.

may that gut-level Peace that nothing and no one can give us or take from us be guarded with all we got. every day. by whatever means possible, even when it may appear we're being "too serious" or "fanatical."

it's worth it.

'cause He's worth it.

BAM.

"a master in the art of living draws no sharp distinction between his work and his play; his labor and his leisure; his mind and his body; his education and his recreation. he hardly knows which is which. he simply pursues his vision of excellence through whatever he is doing, and leaves others to determine whether he is working or playing. To himself, he always appears to be doing both."

- Francois Auguste Rene Chateaubriand

He GETS us. like, REALLY gets us...and is worth ALL our trust. ALL.

so i've been asking for the humanity of Jesus to be so real and raw to me that it blows me away. and wrecks me. and messes stuff up real gooood :)
again & again & again.
below are some recent thoughts, questions, lessons this Teacher's been so kind and fun as to provoke within me...

i was sitting at a starbucks the other day. i wanted to study. so i picked up where i left off in matthew 14...

Matthew 14:1-14
"At about this time, Herod, the regional ruler, heard what was being said about Jesus. He said to his servants, "This has to be John the Baptizer come back from the dead. That's why he's able to work miracles!"Herod had arrested John, put him in chains, and sent him to prison to placate Herodias, his brother Philip's wife. John had provoked Herod by naming his relationship with Herodias "adultery." Herod wanted to kill him, but he was afraid because so many people revered John as a prophet of God.But at his birthday celebration, he got his chance. Herodias's daughter provided the entertainment, dancing for the guests. She swept Herod away. In his drunken enthusiasm, he promised her on oath anything she wanted. Already coached by her mother, she was ready: "Give me, served up on a platter, the head of John the Baptizer." That sobered the king up fast. Unwilling to lose face with his guests, he did it—ordered John's head cut off and presented to the girl on a platter. She in turn gave it to her mother. Later, John's disciples got the body, gave it a reverent burial, and reported to Jesus. When Jesus got the news, he slipped away by boat to an out-of-the-way place by himself..."

and it hit me. REALLY hit me...
if Jesus has indeed "been tempted in EVERY way" as we are, have been, or ever will be, as a member of this human race; that MUST include the huge temptations to doubt, fear, discouragement, anger, and disappointment that are naturally aroused when we are not able to see the "big picture" at times my friends.
and here's John the Baptist- the one who leapt in his mom's belly as a fetus when Jesus' mom simply walked in the room...at the very sound of Jesus' mom's voice John's mom has this wild Holy Spirit encounter and baby John flips his lid, too.
John- the one of whom the verses of the Old Testament wrap up with [Malachi 4:5-6] for crying out loud. the one of whom the Old Covenant announces will usher in the New Covenant.
history. Jesus & John Boy had a history together, ya know?
and i wonder. if Jesus only knew what the Father decided to share with Him as fully God AND fully man walking around on this earth- and if He was "tempted in every way" as we are [including the temptation to doubt/misunderstand when we are not privy to seeing the entire picture God is painting] well, i wonder if He knew.
did He fully see what was coming with John?
it says He immediately "slipped away to be by Himself" when He got the news.
and not only did John not stay alive and continue to minister powerfully alongside Jesus in this seemingly "pivotal", not to mention, short time span of an only 3-year-long time period of Jesus' public ministry, he also seemed to die in a rather "needless" or "frivolous" way...
a king, King Herod, gives in to a serious man-fearing spirit at a party where he'd probably had too stinkin much to drink; and next thing ya know he's made a careless promise to some prancing daughter of a blood-thirsty woman who's committing adultery on her husband with this King Herod, who in turn sends her daughter to make a disgusting request for John's head on a platter.

and so i wonder if part of Jesus, in His humanity, was looking forward to having John around for all of His years of ministry here on earth.
What if Jesus found a bit of a "soul friend" or kindred spirit in John the Baptist?
as earthly friends go, did He perhaps feel most "understood" by John?
did He expect to have him as a bit of a long distance "running mate" for His earthly days?
was it super hard for Jesus to believe that this is WHEN John's life was supposed end? and in the awful, seemingly shallow WAY it was ended?
it just got my mind reeling with the possibility that this Jesus of ours not only knows ABOUT the challenges of being a human, but has WALKED THROUGH all the junk, confusion, hardship that we walk through as we wrestle daily with what God's sovereignty really looks like played out in our daily lives...
so whether or not He saw it coming; whether or not He majorly wrestled with some horrific feelings of letdown and disappointment...either way, He knew where to go IMMEDIATELY to get proper perspective, hope, vision, & peace.
i pray we are all so quick to stop our constant "doing" when He beckons us, in order to just BE with our God.

welp, i realize the above are all questions that will have to wait until i have the chance, some sweet day, to have a coffee date with my God :)
but, until then, i think it's good, REAL good, to at least attempt to dive into the Word holistically- in all it's layers, in all it's history, in it's minute, unspoken (yet somehow screamed in the place of quietness/stillness) secrets, details, & implications that only the true seekers will ever find.
and mostly, to never ever forget that THE Word is...a Person.
oh God give us ever-increasing appetite and craving for Your Word, for Truth...for YOU.
help me not fear the simplicity of opening up Your Word & simply asking the Best Teacher ever to show me the way through It...

and i've noticed that the Word and Truth are indeed not just 1 dimensional. they're 3 dimensional, ya know? multi-layered... full of paradoxes... not ho-hum or easy or comfortably filed away in some box. it's definitely breathing, living, alive.
it's the only fully ALIVE book i've ever read.

i'm so grateful for this.
and i'm oh so grateful all over again recently that our God-Man Savior, Intercessor (He only prays PERFECT prayers for us!), Sympathetic High Priest REALLY, TRULY has gone before us in ALL ways. to the fullest measure possible. [hebrews 4]
of all the gods i've ever studied, He is the only One i've ever found that only asks of His followers the sort of love, lifestyle, obedience, and sacrifice that He walked in before us. haven't been able to find another that only asks of us what He's already proved with His life is possible- to live wrapped in flesh- 100% humanity- yet 100% in unity with the Father.

wow. oh wow. oh wow...
this "lay-it-ALL-on-the-line" kind of Love, this ALL-IN Love given without the guarantee of getting any love, respect, understanding, or attention back is stirring me again. and again. and making me uncomfortable (in a GREAT way!) again.
and i reckon that's precisely what it's supposed to do :)

it's the kind of love that just simply makes more sense than fear.
it's the sort of risk that matters and shifts the earth- despite what the outcome may be.
it's the kind of guts that Jesus modeled so rawly, eloquently and empathetically.
[1 john 4]

and He deserves the same reciprocated back to Him.
now. today. tomorrow. next month. forever.
may our Husband-in-waiting get the Bride He deserves in us on that WILD wedding day that is sure to come...

more than ever, i'm aware of this: i don't know much, my friends.
but THIS i AM convinced of more than ever before- this God is worth running all-in, all-out, every minute for.
He's worth "stirring up our souls" every minute of every day. He's deserving of our offering our immense Light, Joy, Enthusiasm, Peace, Life, & Love to all who are blessed to cross paths with the Jesus inside us just naturally spilling out onto them :)
and our pursuit of Him will never, ever come close to His pursuit of us.
and any emotion, full-of-lifeness or passion we each have endowed to us to steward is just a mere fraction of what this Man carries in His chest.

so here's my aching desire & prayer for us friends--
may He continually become more alive, breathing, full of color and emotion to you, this Man.
may we all remember daily that He's worth us remembering, today & every other day, that "everything is a loss when we compare it with the all-surpassing greatness of truly, deeply KNOWING CHRIST Jesus our Lord, for whose sake we have lost all things. That we'd consider them rubbish, trash, nothing, that we may gain Christ and BE FOUND...found where?? IN HIM! eek! not having a righteousness of our own that we try to conjure up by trying to "look like Jesus" or whatever...but that we'd simply daily remember- we're already dead! GA-LOR-RAYYY! our right standing with God will never ever come from the law, but only through believing in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God alone and is by faith alone. that daily, above ALL, we would most desire to want to KNOW CHRIST and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, BECOMING LIKE HIM in his death..." [phil 3]

may you allow yourself the space and time to remember this day, week, month, year-- that YOU are one of the army of those who are swimming neck deep in Christ's finished, perfect, changes EVERYTHING work of grace
:)