One conundrum I've pondered off & on the last 6 years or so in particular is this reality of living in the paradox of knowing, at any given time, if we are found in Christ and Christ is found in us as sons and daughters of God, that we are free to be content/unburdened/whole/secure/soul-rested in God alone always; yet, we need other humans, we need relationships.
We just do.
The following is a little blip of an email from my dear aunt Pam:
"It’s difficult to separate what we want from what God wants for us in each of our relationships. “Genuine indifference to the outcome” is how I want to live every day of my life and that includes all things, relationships among them. When Jesus makes it possible for us to believe that God really has our best interests in mind for every aspect of our lives, it’s possible to just sit back and become an active spectator…Active Spectator...sorry for the oxymoron, but so much of following Christ is paradox and oxymoron."
I really believe with my guts that the paradoxes of life with this Savior are meant not to torment, or leave us "stranded" with our unanswered questions, or to leave us in a state of feeling unsettled. What if these paradoxes of life in relationship and community are a GREAT act of love to provoke us to our lovesick God's side and STAY there. Relationships are, and forever will be on this side of Eternity, full of glory, agony, fun, disappointment, ecstasy, pain, surprise both good and not so good, and outlandish beauty. And we MUST fling ourselves into them, giving our lives and love away as best we know how- not giving in to some goofy mindset that we may somehow "run out of love" if we give away "too much" to others. And what about investing in friendships without the guarantee that those same relationships and heart-friends will always be living life with us in our vicinity, close by.
No, there is no pretty answer, no guarantee to these things. Only the guarantee that the God's kind of love is without limit and He is without any reservation in pouring it through us IF we desire. Daily.
Intimacy, depth of love, and covenant will always be full of paradox. Always. But the thing to meditate on through every up and every down and every moment of numbness is this God. This One that started this whole life & existence thing, the One that spun this planet on it's axis and each human in it's mother's womb for one reason: He longed to share. Share love. Share life. And in our depths we long for the same. We just do. He's a God of not just joy, peace, blessing and love. He is most assuredly completely saturated in those things in His very nature and character. But He is definitely a God of pressure. Of trial. Of paradox. Of provocation. But He provokes because He is compelled to do so by His very nature of love.
So, when, not if, each of us has one of those moments or days (like I just so happen to be having today) where life just seems ick in some ways, when some expectations for how life will roll out before us come crashing into reality head-long...THAT is it. THAT is the GIFT of a moment to let out the Hero, the Brave one that resides in each of us and CHOOSE. Choose to have faith/confidence in this One that willingly rescued us from our abysmal darkness and blindness. Choose to give away that kind of Love that God and each of us perhaps longs for the most:
The kind of love that is handcuffed to a hard choice.
It doesn't come easy, it is not instantly gratifying oftentimes & it is burgeoning with trust in the Person Who is Love itself. This isn't the cute puppies and enjoying someone's presence just when they're happy and chock full 'o life/joy form of love. This is Love handcuffed to a CHOICE, and a harrrrd choice at that sometimes.
If, at any moment, we need an in-the-flesh, outright example of what this looks like, we can and must be still and meditate on this perfectly holy, unblemished, unwrinkled God who decided the right thing to do (not the FAIR thing to do, mind you) would be to come down to our dirty, decaying earth, step inside each of our prison cells, and take our place on death row. Love handcuffed to a choice.
Dear God show me Who you are and what You're like again all over this day. And please give us the strength in You to keep allowing You to carve out more and more and more space inside each of us for Yourself that You may live & move around and love as You alone please. Teach us to be ever-increasingly open-handed, active spectators in our hearts, relationships, longings, work, play, and thoughts...oh make us a people skilled at living in paradox and oxymoron.
With You at our side we are able indeed.
You are mighty good God.
We each know this full well.
You have proven your love time and time and time and time and time again.
You have made the decision to bind Yourself to us in faithfulness.
Teach us, oh teach us to do the same with steadfast hearts brave enough to CHOOSE love. Daily.
