Only Empty Containers Can Be Filled

spending 15 hours in the car all saturday with bro proved to be incredible and just what the Good Doc ordered!
Texas is just so great. i really like it down here guys. a ton.
the dirt is red- reminds me of jamaica big time.
3 min. showers... less humidity down here, even in 100 degree temps. = less sweating so 3 min showers aint so bad really.
4 of us squeezed into one cozy room.
there's all this open space everywhere as we drove through kansas, oklahoma, and texas-brings a focus and clarity on God's bigness and beauty- it's all so good for the soul, like how God intended for us to live or somethin, ya know? less buildings and noise and man. more God and the stuff His hands created.
there's a bunch of ponds on base and a hammock, too. it's just such a cool retreat God called on with Him, it really really is. if you click on the ywam-tyler link on the right of my blog you can see some pictures of this place. gorgeous. it really really is.

we had our first all-base meeting last night. probably 300 hundred people or so of all ages and denominations and stages in their walk. all of us see different facets of God and have expereinced so many diff. things. so much to soak up. last night's speaker was from Australia and he rocked. spoke on the 1st 3 beatitudes.
i was so convicted about how much i have been avoiding brokenness. "blessed are the poor in spirit..." do i really see God breaking me as a blessing? or do i avoid it like the plague?

one of my roomies- danielle- was asking me to pray that she not just get cracks in her heart- that tends to find us clamoring to fix our hearts on our own- she wants God to full-on break her heart -- then and only then-- can He re-form her.
that's so true. and it hit me like no other -
i am the owner of a heart that tries to always take care of itself. i don't wanna "bother" God or others. i want to ignore or just flat-out run from pain and brokenness. it's if i tried to repair my own sin and to somehow grasp onto my desires by myself.

read in oswald chambers' "my utmost for His highest" this morn.-

"what shall i say? Father save me from this hour (these upcoming hardships, great sorrow, agony and seemingly abandonment)? but for this cause i came into this hour. Father, glorify Your name." John 12:27-29
"sorrow burns up a great amount of shallowness, but it does not always make me better. suffering either gives me more of myself or it destroys self (flesh)...in success we lose our head, in monotony we grouse. the way to find your true self is in the fires of sorrow...receive yourself in the fires of sorrow."
Sarah don't run from brokenness and being emptied of all that's not me. don't focus on your pain and brokenness, though. focus on me and my working to rid you of all the black things, the reside still in you that are stealing the real you. see it as a means of me pulling you closer to me and my Father heart. i want to take care of you. i want you to know i'm here and won't walk out on you. i want to show you the treasure that I see in you. let me take care of you. i WANT to take care of you.

brokenness leads to humility
humility leads to accepting God's grace and unconditional love instead of the false identity and false value we gain from "performing well" for God.
accepting God's grace and love leads to accepting yourself.
accepting yourself = being able to truly "love others as you love yourself" well.

we spend so much time evading sorrow and hardship. we are typically told to either get over it with sheer willpower or to just ignore it completely, to figure out what is "wrong" with you. but schnikeys, maybe crossroads and confusions and unexpected events in life are all there very specifically. real specifically?!

lovin the outdoors, the wide age groups and offbeat personalities. lovin the passion and retreating. love that i get lost b/c i have no flippin clue where i'm at when i drive. lovin the learning and classrooms and teaching. lovin that i'm still missing the kids and pals a bit still, too though!
no idea what's gonna happen beyond this 5 month program. i know it's just gonna fly by. no clue @ all and that's okey dokey... cause God knows every last detail.

Is It Just Me Or Is My Car Making Funny Noises?

bob the mechanic told me this morn. that i have been driving my lovely vehicle with only 3 operating brakes.
for like 3 years.
that's right boys and girls- the right front brake was rusted and worthless.
i wondered what all that stuttering and noisiness was about.
my little toyota darlin keep chuggin along with no complaining all this time.
ooopsy.

in other news, gracias to miss lizzy moore. she is a fine young lady. and in my mind and even finer young lady now that she bought me one of the top 5 loves of my life-
a word-for-word literal translation of the greek new testament.

oh sweet bliss.
have i died and gone to Heaven? not yet- but i can tell you what Heaven is gonna be like according to the book of revelation in the original greek.
ahhhhh yeahhhhh

Revelation 2:4
I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love.

Deuteronomy 6:5
And you must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength.

Exodus 20:6
But I lavish my love on those who love me

Deuteronomy 11:22
Be careful to obey all the commands I give you; show love to the LORD your God by walking in his ways and clinging to him.

2 Chronicles 16:9
The eyes of the LORD search the whole earth in order to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him.

Deuteronomy 10:12
And now, Israel, what does the LORD your God require of you? He requires you to fear him, to live according to his will, to love and worship him with all your heart and soul

Deuteronomy 7:9
Understand, therefore, that the LORD your God is indeed God. He is the faithful God who keeps his covenant for a thousand generations and constantly loves those who love him and obey his commands

2 Chronicles 25:2
Amaziah did what was pleasing in the LORD's sight, but not wholeheartedly.

Psalm 46:10
Be still, and know that I am God

Psalm 27:4
One thing I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple.

Luke 10:42
Only one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.

Matthew 22:36-40
Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law? Jesus replied: Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself. All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.

2 Chronicles 20:17
But you will not even need to fight... then stand still and watch the LORD's victory. He is with you, O people of Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid or discouraged. Go out there tomorrow, for the LORD is with you!




is there anything more valuable to God, His glory and His Kingdom than a heart fully taken aback by His beauty, strength, complexity, and perfection? A heart that fights daily to keep itself set on Him and Him alone as numero uno?

Some Ramblings

michegan was tight.
my step nephew is bar-none one of the funnest, sweetest, giggliest little boys ever. i pretty much can't not smile when he's around.
i highly enjoy greek food.
mowing is enchanting.
coffee shops are amazing- what a blessing that st. joe suddenly has a few good ones. i could possibly live in one the rest of my life and be content.
seriously.
really content.

o.k. here's the recent wrestling match, wanting Truth to take over...

1 Cor. 2:2-5 "For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. I came to you in weakness and fear, and with much trembling. My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit's power, so that your faith might not rest on men's wisdom, but on God's power."

Romans 14:1-19 "Accept him whose faith is weak, without passing judgment on disputable matters. One man's faith allows him to eat everything, but another man, whose faith is weak, eats only vegetables. The man who eats everything must not look down on him who does not, and the man who does not eat everything must not condemn the man who does, for God has accepted him. Who are you to judge someone else's servant? To his own master he stands or falls. And he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand...let each man be fully convinced in his own mind...do so for the Lord, give thanks to God... For not one of us lives for himself...whether we live or die, we are the Lord's..let us pursue the things which make for peace and the building up of one another."

some pals & i have been struggling for some time with the biblical vision of the Bride, Christ's Body, His presence on this earth; awaiting His return. denominations. the very word equates divison, separation, a part of a whole. is there a denomination that exists that Jesus would have been a part of? isn't God way bigger than these segregations? i just am so humbled and blessed by all bro's and sis' and sure some are further along in their walks than others and some know and live out the Word with deeper knowlegde and conviction, no doubt. there's just so much beauty in each member of Jesus' Body! it's insanity. and i no doubt totally get the upside of having smaller, organized groups of Believers , too.

John 17:17-21 "Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth. As you sent me into the world, I have sent them into the world. For them I sanctify myself, that they too may be truly sanctified. My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you."

oh snap. "I pray that all those bought by my blood are unified, one...just like You, Father and I are one..." ah man, how much time do we maybe waste judging/trying to neatly categorize someone i just met based on what chunk of the Body they claim to be a part of-whether consciously or subconsciously? have i truly spent most of the time, "resolving to know NADA but the important stuff...Jesus & Jesus' sacrifice?" i want so badly for my life to scream Jesus. am i alwayd studying and learning more about Him but humble enough to @ least try to get comfy with saying "i don't know"?
i want to attempt to be o.k. with people and their life experiences not being easily and instantly categorized/figured out. am i for real keeping Christ @ the head, the center, the lead? do i want the sometimes false commradery and sometimes shallow acceptance that is attached to saying i belong to a certain way of thinking about a given set of doctrinal issues?
i don't know, i mean is it best to say, you know what, let's focus 90% of our energies on what we agree on and for exercising the brain's sake think/sort through the Bible together on the stuff up for discussion once in a while...the passages in the Bible that aren't as clear-cut and that have verses for both one side and verses for the other? can we just say "thus saith the Lord..." and leave it @ that - w/o all the tallying of "here's a verse for you...here's a verse for me..."
i mean how much does a lot of this stuff really matter in the day-in, day-out of showing Jesus in the hum-drum of life- the place where most of our life is to be lived for God's glory. how much does all this matter in evangelism to the lost soul getting closer to eternity separated from our wonderful God minute by minute? are we loosing sight of the Big Picture pretty often? i just want to struggle and study and pursue God and His character and what all this means in everyday life, but i suppose i'm learning that i am learning. and it's great. we have this Husband we'll never anywhere near fully grasp and it's so amazing. "everything in moderation".
how beautful moderation and "setting @ one again" are. i don't know. i seriously have no answers. i just know it bums me out that as i am possibly considering seminary once again that i have no idea how to answer the question "which one would you attend?"
i just want people to know God's nutso about them, always has been. i want them to know it all starts and ends with Him. i want them to know that this life stinks. a lot. but it's only a breath, in and out and you're gone. i want them to know He wants them to join their life with Him and experience life to the full.

i am so thankful for all my bro's and sis' in Christ. ya'll light up my soul and teach me so much by just being who ya are. no regrets in regards to your past...surrendered to God it's beautiful and makes you who you are. no fear for the future- God's already there. we get to be married to the One who made that sunset and created the laughter of a child and Who beckons every person on this planet and desires they know Life and Truth. we are so blessed. may we each be bold with what He has taught us and convicted us of, to be stewards of what the Spirit has allowed each of us to learn and experience. to embrace and even encourage the beauty of uniqueness. may He help us remember that presently we "see in part... and are fully known by Him" but we do not fully know Him just yet.
we are getting to know Him.
what a romance and adventure! oh haste the day "we will be like Him for we shall see Him as He really is"!!!

our God is such a good Daddy.
it's nutso how being around kids can both wear you out and re-fuel you like no other sometimes. one of the most tiring things for me @ times is how esp. little kiddos would ask that infamous question "why?"' til Kingdom come if they could. @ the same time though, it's totally beautiful. you can see it on their faces. they're learning. non-stop. all the time. taking in new lessons and sights and storing them away in their little heads and hearts so that they can one day use them again. when i was in the Word the other day it really struck me how you can be an avid reader and have your quiet time and all this, yet if the Word is there to inform you and not conform your daily life it is not being alllowed to have its proper way in our lives really. it's miraculously hard- learning from God, you know?
so many of us seem to be in this funk time right now where it's easy, w/o the perspective of Truth, to get kinda jaded and just feel all around weird i suppose.
almost as if God isn't quite who i've thought all my life He was. and that can seriously take a girl for a loop to say the least. similarly, i think way deep down i was kind of scared of marriage b/c of the day i'd wake up next to hubbs and realize he wasn't quite who i'd committed to, who i'd given up my identity & laid it all on the line for; who i'd promised God i'd love, respect, support and enjoy the rest of my days. then i was led to this doozie of a verse yesterday... psalm 27 is rockin' my boat lately...4-5:"The one thing I ask of the LORD--the thing I seek most-is to live in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, delighting in the LORD's perfections and meditating in his Temple."this brought so much peace to my screwy heart last night. for real. what a sigh of rest and joy comes when we meditate on the fact that God's beautiful perfections will never diminish or cease. never. ever. we can truly enjoy Him, our spouses, others, and even ourselves for the rest of our lives if our focus and drive comes from this one primary Source. a source that never runs dry. shift your focus to anything but His perfections and beauty and BAM, all else begins to lose it's luster and glow. nothing seems to quite satisfy if He's not @ the top of our to-do lists.and He is way too good to let us hold onto our petty, immature, small pictures of Him. he must go on as Father & Teacher. i must go on even when i am battling fear or confusion or trust issues or a downcast soul off & on. i must continue to choose joy and to remember that my Daddy loves me too much to let me stay where i am @ and always live a comfortable, expected life that virtually always gives way to complacency, small expectations and small views of a God who is in no way boring, unloving, or tiny.
Proverbs 12:1-To learn, you must love discipline; it is stupid to hate correction.
Proverbs 11:25-those who refresh others will themselves be refreshed.

Keep @ It For What Matters

yippee ki yo compadres.
so God just spoke to me big time through my gma. we're hangin on the porch and all the sudden she's all:
hey. i learned in my quiet time this morning that sometimes God tells us to do something and we totally obey in the beginning and take that first step, but so often satan, our flesh and others get in the way and we lose sight of the initial word from God. we might take one step too many and next thing we know we're out of God's will when initially we started in His will- pleasing Him. before we know it though, we're ending in pleasing our flesh...
God may clearly say take 3 steps and we take 2 steps in timidity, fear, or unbelief. or, we may take 4 steps in greediness, assumption, or irreverence.
anyhoo- si senor. 100% whole-hearted yessssss. exactly. God released me from so much self-condemnation and self-abasement through this little gem of a bible passage. oh glory! this freedom and release feels tight.


1 Kings 13 (NLT)
A Prophet Denounces Jeroboam
1 At the LORD's command, a man of God from Judah went to Bethel, and he arrived there just as Jeroboam was approaching the altar to offer a sacrifice. 2Then at the LORD's command, he shouted, "O altar, altar! This is what the LORD says: A child named Josiah will be born into the dynasty of David. On you he will sacrifice the priests from the pagan shrines who come here to burn incense, and human bones will be burned on you." 3That same day the man of God gave a sign to prove his message, and he said, "The LORD has promised to give this sign: This altar will split apart, and its ashes will be poured out on the ground."
4 King Jeroboam was very angry with the man of God for speaking against the altar. So he pointed at the man and shouted, "Seize that man!" But instantly the king's hand became paralyzed in that position, and he couldn't pull it back. 5At the same time a wide crack appeared in the altar, and the ashes poured out, just as the man of God had predicted in his message from the LORD.
6 The king cried out to the man of God, "Please ask the LORD your God to restore my hand again!" So the man of God prayed to the LORD, and the king's hand became normal again.
7 Then the king said to the man of God, "Come to the palace with me and have something to eat, and I will give you a gift."
8 But the man of God said to the king, "Even if you gave me half of everything you own, I would not go with you. I would not eat any food or drink any water in this place. 9For the LORD gave me this command: `You must not eat any food or drink any water while you are there, and do not return to Judah by the same way you came.' " 10So he left Bethel and went home another way.
11 As it happened, there was an old prophet living in Bethel, and his sons came home and told him what the man of God had done in Bethel that day. They also told him what he had said to the king. 12The old prophet asked them, "Which way did he go?" So they told their father which road the man of God had taken. 13"Quick, saddle the donkey," the old man said. And when they had saddled the donkey for him, 14he rode after the man of God and found him sitting under an oak tree.
The old prophet asked him, "Are you the man of God who came from Judah?" "Yes," he replied, "I am."
15Then he said to the man of God, "Come home with me and eat some food."
16"No, I cannot," he replied. "I am not allowed to eat any food or drink any water here in this place. 17For the LORD gave me this command: `You must not eat any food or drink any water while you are there, and do not return to Judah by the same way you came.' "
18 But the old prophet answered, "I am a prophet, too, just as you are. And an angel gave me this message from the LORD: `Bring him home with you, and give him food to eat and water to drink.' " But the old man was lying to him. 19So they went back together, and the man of God ate some food and drank some water at the prophet's home.
20 Then while they were sitting at the table, a message from the LORD came to the old prophet. 21He cried out to the man of God from Judah, "This is what the LORD says: You have defied the LORD's message and have disobeyed the command the LORD your God gave you. 22You came back to this place and ate food and drank water where he told you not to eat or drink. Because of this, your body will not be buried in the grave of your ancestors."


it's so hard learning God's still, small voice. it really, truly is. but man, we have to keep persevering and setting aside time daily to listen though. He deserves our time, worship, and respect enough for us to choose Him over t.v., idle talk, etc. i stumble and fall in many ways. i fail. a lot. i have failed in this category. however, i absoultely refuse one day @ a time to let it keep me from getting back up and trying again. for His Name's sake we all have to keep trying & failing, trying and failing. b/c eventually we will try and succeed. we will get better & better @ this vital area of our relationship with our Significant Other and Master.
"I do only what my Father tells me..."
I pray our King would grant us all the strength to keep @ it so that we may run our races with excellence, abide deeply, and be able to say "I do only what my God tells me."

unloading the cars of my stuff
starbucks with marsh
guitar
sunbathing
oh poo...i already miss the kiddos/coyote - this isn't good, it's only day 1
hiding from my sweet little cous
realizing that 1/4 of my support is in- praise God! t-minus 17 days until bro and i depart to TX
making a pact with marsh to read through the bible together and compare notes
bike ride with the broski
sigh of relief...i'll see soon enough why God had me move on from a job i adored
reminiscing of being accepted to seminary a couple years back but feeling pulled towards youth ministry instead for some reason- totally see why now- answers come but are oftentimes in hindsight when it's with God and that's totally alright
want to go to seminary REAL bad again
spaghetti and meatballs with salad curteousy gramps and gma
still wondering how long this newfound hole of needing (or is it just simple wanting?!) a family will last...
unpacking more stuff
talking on the phone with the kids

it's off to michegan tomorrow for a few days. yesssss. large bodies of water to take in, plane rides and chillin with the pops.

i'm sorry, but shawn mcdonalds "ripen" is phenomenal- hello eternal perspective!

Jumping Off the Fence

welp. looks like it's here folks.
the time to end this particular season of sarah marie jensen's life.
marsh and i's cars are officially packed up with my stuff (thanks to the help of a couple great dudes from coyote!-thanks so mucho ya'll!) and ready to hit the road tomorrow afternoon. destination: st. joe, then michegan to visit pops, back to st. joe, then tyler, tx for the DTS bay-bee!
how the hay have i just spent 1/4 of my entire exisitence in columbia, mo.? it's been incredible. every stinkin step of the way. from truly marrying Jesus in january 2001, to finding FOR REAL soul-friends, to leading bible study with some of the most remarkable & lovely ladies ever, to enjoying and ministering to youth who need a new perspective, hope, and reason. every step laid out like a stroke of the Painter. every color chosen for a purpose. every shape and shade with a reason. i think of only one word that sums up an intricate, complicated, deliberate piece of "God's workmanship created in Jesus":
passion.

i am such an open book as far as what God wants to do with my life. i guess things not turning out quite like we thought sometimes sortta has that glorious effect. all the shallow, second-best settling in me gets blown to smithereens by God's love. it's great. the one thing i refuse to do, though is wallow in apathy.
seems to me there's little in life that sucks the color out of things as quickly as apathy does.
and although i am a mere beginner in studying God's fathomless identity and Word, i have thus far found no verses that display Him in the act of apathy. not even once. it's just not there. and i don't want it to be in me, His dwelling place, either.
i want to do whatever He calls me to, whenever and wherever- with passion. no half-hearted fence straddling stuff.

i'm laying myself down on the alter of you
i will no longer hold back
straddling this fence has proven burdensome
Your yoke is only easy if You have all of me.

so i lay myself down on the alter of you,
this day i choose Whom i will serve
i delight myself in You and only You

this complacency and fear is wearing me out,
so tired of being gun-shy of my dreams
casting all i got on You leads only to freedom
fear of anyone or anything but You leaves me in handcuffs and shackles

fences weren't meant to be sat upon,
they divide and force a decision
all my doubting and second-guessing bring no glory to You
i'm seeking you with all my heart and know You'll do Your part
to lead me into all truth
Your voice is so tender and reaches the innermost me
i choose to listen to You alone and step out in faith
i know You'll show up and hold my hand
through all You call me to
You laid it all down for me, help me lay it all down for You.

Faithful Husband, Wayward Wife

i don't know. it's just so insane how long i can run from entering into God's presence fully.
like, to be satisfied with scraps and assume they'll be enough to get me through to the next day when i procrastinate once again and fail to lay before God listening to His strong, gentle, authoritative, sure, and steady whisper in me. He is pleasurable, guiding, fun, and unswervingly there. He always keeps me going no doubt. but man, how quickly i forget that deep calls unto deep and of all that He's given me to taste of Himself, it's only a crumb in comparison to how much more of Him there is.

i miss Jesus. it's wacky how you can do do do for God, and it be truly noble and pleasing to Him day after day, month after month; yet all the while ignore that still, small heart-nudging He does so well when He just wants you to be still sometimes, go to a quiet, lonely place and DO nothing so you can simply BE something. so you can just be His.

i so often miss all the ways He chases and pursues me in the everyday unnoticed miracles, blessings, and reminders that He's here with us. i know most any Christian book on women says they want to be beautiful to & pursued by a man pretty much more than anything else on this planet...EVVVER. and i totally agree. but shnikeys, what person- male or female- DOESN'T want to be chased and looked in the eyes and told there's no other created creature past, present, future who can do to their pursuer's soul what you alone can? to make someone's heart stinkin stop and then race, turn the legs suddenly useless in terror/sheer elation, the brain suddenly more alert and alive/worthless and dumb all in one delightful moment @ the very sight of the object of affection? there's no other high quite like what someone you're head-over-feet for can do to ya.
as far as experiencing all this on the supernatural level with my Ultimate Hubby, this romance and weak knees and sheer all-out delight will never go away or even fade if God has anything to say about it! my Husband is so committed to me and all i do is run off daily- in big ways or in tiny, unexpected, undetected ways...and there He remains, my ever-faithful Savior, Husband, and Friend.

have ya read Hosea lately ladies and gentlemen? i highly suggest it. because that prostituting wife is me. and it's you. i am the town whore to put it as bluntly and real as possible, and God still wants me. i'm runnin after fake gods who steal parts of my heart and thoughts daily if i let them. yet God remains committed to me. furiously committed. married to me, and chasing me, working through me, delighting in me, rejoicing in, screaming, jumping up and down over...you. and over me.
spend time in silence and think about that. often.




Hosea 2:14-20, 3:1-3
"And now, here's what I'm going to do:
I'm going to start all over again.
I'm taking her back out into the wilderness
where we had our first date, and I'll court her.
I'll give her bouquets of roses.
I'll turn Heartbreak Valley into Acres of Hope.
She'll respond like she did as a young girl,
those days when she was fresh out of Egypt.
"At that time"—this is God's Message still—
"you'll address me, 'Dear husband!'
Never again will you address me,
'My slave-master!'
I'll wash your mouth out with soap,
get rid of all the dirty false-god names,
not so much as a whisper of those names again.
At the same time I'll make a peace treaty between you
and wild animals and birds and reptiles,
And get rid of all weapons of war.
Think of it! Safe from beasts and bullies!
And then I'll marry you for good— forever!
I'll marry you true and proper, in love and tenderness.
Yes, I'll marry you and neither leave you nor let you go.
You'll know me, God, for who I really am...
Then God ordered me, "Start all over: Love your wife again, your wife who's in bed with her latest boyfriend, your cheating wife.
Love her the way I, God, love the Israelite people,
even as they flirt and party with every god that takes their fancy."
I did it. I paid good money to get her back..."