stones of remembrance.

mel & i flew back into kansas city thursday night & stayed @ my lovely aunt paulette's place near k.c.
gosh, i love and enjoy her. and the rest of my family. so much. it was such a treat to get to see some of my family for an hour or so before hitting the road friday mornin with my dear friends mel & ryan.

we arrived into madison, wisconsin last night & will be staying here about 5 days or so.
it's been so encouraging and fun being here already.
the 3 of us had dinner with a really great key leader within ywam & his family tonight.
this man & his wife shared stories with us about their journey into God's heart for the college campuses of north america and the entire world.
gosh, it was encouraging to hear yet another person's story of how God's captured their heart for the very real, very massive mission field of campuses.
and we had much laughter and fun. that's for sure.
it was such a full time with God and with those who love Him so much...

and here i am, wide awake at 2:46am.
i awoke to the sound of drunken fraternity & sorority college students stuttering down the street outside my window.
louder, drunker, lonelier, and more hopeless than i'm sure any of them desire to be.

and the Lord brought to my mind a bit of my own story.
about this time almost 9 years ago i was rushing a sorority at the university of missouri;
looking for "my place", searching out who i was and what i had uniquely to offer amongst the other 25,000 students there...wanting something solid, steady, and lasting to set my foot on.
i never found it at the frat parties.
or in the good grades.
or possible post-college job opportunities.

so this morning, i awoke to a stone of remembrance that my good God set up for me here in this college town of madison, wisconsin.
and i do remember.
how He saved me. how He never did relent in chasing me, showing me Who He was--in the crowds, at the parties, in the classroom, in my dorm room.
He never did stop chasing me.
and i've also never forgotten how that girl kristi who used to be an atheist chased me with the Love of God that she had found, how she always wanted to meet with me for a meal or just laugh together or study the bible with a group of us.

i haven't forgotten.

i haven't forgotten how the love of God knows no other speed but all-in, unconditional, relentless speed.
and i so long to make my little life forever daily, moment-by-moment available to my God to pour out into anyone and everyone He deems fit, perhaps especially college students, all my Lord poured into me, and all that His Lovesick followers- like kristi- poured into me while i was a searching, lonely, lost freshman at the university of missouri those years ago.

God, use my life as a stone of remembrance to those who have yet discovered how delighted in they are by their Father.

some sun-time.

have had some much-adored time in the sun the last couple days here in florida.
mel & i have taken a few days to meet up with her wonderful parents for a little time away from the mobile life.
i took most of saturday and walked. for hours. and caught up with friends on the phone. and walked. and prayed. and walked. i must've walked like 10 miles...exploring the nearby city & nature trails, spending time on the beach, & people-watching. it was just nice. really, truly nice.
and i got to thinking about some things...

here's some excerpts from my journal entry a couple days ago:
"i am stirred today in repentance to ask You to forgive me for all the times i was not willing to fail. to try. to step out and risk. to stumble- but then get back up again. for the lovesick tenacity and child-like fearlessness and simple risking that i allowed to ebb away slowly over time. You deserve a Wife free, confident, secure enough to try Her best to hear and step out- free of fear, dread, and respect for the future. a Bride that fears and respects and loves You enough to GET UP and try. and GET UP and try. and GET UP again and try...
as my pops said earlier today, so often we try to skip steps in our maturity with God, but the reality is that ever-increasing maturity comes through humility. and oh-so-often real humility comes through trials and failings...
so may i never become protective of my reputation at the cost of forsaking my child-like enamor and preoccupation with my Father's eyes and words.
may i always embrace and fully acknowledge hardship, disappointment, and failings for what they are...a rare, eternal gift. indeed, may all these lead to ever-increasing child-like trust and dependency on God- which leads to Him having a much greater ability to be so strong and evident IN my weakness....let me embrace failure for what it is - a divine, stunning, beautiful, surprising path to success...GREAT success.

in Your eyes."

:)