pitied or envied?

"if in this life only we have hoped in Christ, we are of all people most to be pitied."
1 Cor. 15.19

i have been struck anew recently by how easy it truly is to turn my gaze and my hope towards the things of this temporary, seen world all around us.
to live this life as if THIS life is the point of it all.
i don't always consciously think about how i believe THIS life is the point of it all, yet, somehow, many of the thoughts i think or motivations i have or actions i make based on those [sometimes subconscious] motivations seem to have as their foundation this false idea that Christianity is also all about this life, rather than the hereafter.
i think perhaps this is what Paul was trying to encourage our brothers & sisters there in Corinth all those years ago- Family members who walked this earth just as surely as we do- with this surprising hope... that if we find ourselves disappointed and jaded with how life goes down here sometimes, well, GOOD.
perhaps that just simply means that all is going as planned.
'cause this stuff we can see, touch and taste right now is not the be-all, end-all.
and if we covenant ourselves with Christ and have expectations that life with Him while we're in these flesh tents will be all comfort, ease, and receiving what we expect or believe to be 'best'...welp, we are most to be pitied.

if stuff in this life is what we set our ultimate hopes on- Christianity is really not the fast-track to ease, lack of risk, and the expected.
it's just not.

but boy o boy is it ever the fast track to a very real, very near Creator God. this Father of the Year winner [He wins every year]. this Savior & Brother. This ever-present Teacher/Friend/Comforter.
yeah, it's a fast track to the deepest aches found within every. single. human. heart.
and if it's the Eternal, True & Lasting that we have really SET our vision & hopes on, wellll- we have chosen rightly.
but friends, if it's the stuff of this temporary, seen realm...well, as Christ's disciples/students...perhaps we are indeed "most to be pitied."

a bit o' what i'm thankful for presently.

.the sounds and smells rain produces, completely apart from any effort of mankind.
.the look on a baby or child's face when they're being still and just thinking and observing their surroundings-- somewhere along the way to adulthood, humans seem to forget the magnitude of life-giving fuel there is in spending a bit more of our days 'being still and knowing He is God.'
.a field of lightning bugs absolutely showing off and lighting up a field on a summer night-- displaying for us no less than a free fireworks show.
.that as children of God we are free to risk as our Dad leads...because no possible outcome-whether good, bad or ugly- is bigger than His activity, protection, and leadership in our lives.
.mowing grass-- the smells, the companionship of the sun, the thinking time, the sweating...ahh love it.
.for the absolutely unique humor, facial expressions, quirks, values, dreams, and thoughts each human i will ever come into contact owns that i will NEVER find in another human other than them. its as if meeting someone new is a front-row ticket to a movie showing that will only be played once, never repeated.
.the way a dog can look you in the eyes and seem to know precisely what you're saying, yet choosing not to talk, just listen.
.how awkward a bird looks when it walks- it was meant for flight...and how abnormal a human looks when spending their lives 'just getting by' or 'just passing the time' by worshiping/spending thoughts and time on fancies that will never love us back-- we were made to spill our lives out as a response to the King of all kings' lovesickness for us. we are indeed the object of the most important, beautiful, powerful, handsome, funny and loving Being that's ever existed--designed to affect and infect the world that surrounds us daily.
.for a car that somehow runs as smoothly @ 210,000 miles as it did at 80,000 miles. neat.
.the stories, perspective and wisdom of someone who's walked this earth longer than i.
.for all the hidden, below-the-surface surprises and jewels that the Bible contains; that will never be found by the casual observer- but the lovesick re-enacter.
.for chopsticks to eat with.
.for the confidence, security, and untouchable/unfading Hope and Peace that we are offered to set our feet upon daily...for the reality that nothing in this seen world has a hold on us but what we allow.
.for squirrels and their cute, bushy tails and tiny, twitching noses.

an evaluation.

^{Ephesians 2.6-14--}

"And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

Therefore, remember that formerly you who are Gentiles by birth and called "uncircumcised" by those who call themselves "the circumcision" (that done in the body by the hands of men)— remember that at that time you were separate from Christ, excluded from citizenship in Israel and foreigners to the covenants of the promise, without hope and without God in the world. But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.

For he himself is our peace, who has made the two one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility"

it strikes me that God chooses to emphasize this point- "and this grace you have received- it's NOT from within yourself" and it's not a result of something you DID or DO. when He says 'not by works', that word 'works' means "act, deed, doing, labor, work"...

it doesn't originate from within you- it originates from outside of you, it is wholly separate from you. it is a GIFT to be received, completely apart from ANY actions or works you may perform...or not perform. both now & forever.

i wonder what effect it may have on us & on the world around us if we all took time periodically to re-evaluate our motives/actions/thoughts/desires to see how much striving & earning & performance we were taking part in- whether consciously or unconsciously? well, personally, i'll tell you that i am continually walking through repentance and change in this realm.

and, as it turns out, God has not once been overwhelmed or ill-equipped to free us of this tricky, oftentimes deep-rooted stuff...

i was talking to a dear friend last night & she was sharing about how the Lord's been kind enough to reveal some deep, deep lies in her heart- roots of false thinking that have affected how she sees herself & how she interacts with God and other humans.

and i've been amazed, over & over the last few years, by how much humans battle this [oftentimes unseen/unacknowledged] lie that goes a little something like this 'eventually the people in my life that i care about most will walk away- either because i suddenly bore them or i'm not lively enough or funny enough or deep enough...whatever the 'reason' we may allow to be conjured up within ourselves- the root of the deception is all the same- its a performance/earning/striving mentality. and it has a way of affecting so much of who we are, IF we allow it to...

another reality that strikes me in the Bible passage above is the truth "Christ Himself is our peace."

peace. the real, bottom-line thing we're all seeking out. the treasure. because, even with all the riches of the world or the 'perfect' mate or the ideal job...without underlying peace- the gig is up. it's soul-rest, peace, steadiness/confidence/security in Someone stable that we all, every. single. human. CRAVES.

our real peace is a Person.

the Way.

the Truth.

the Life.

the Peace.

a Person. offering Himself to us daily. as an unmerited, undeserved, un-earnable gift.

now THAT is something worth being giddy about.

every moment of every day.

we are not of "those without hope in the world, separate, foreigners from God" any longer.

God, Your grace is far outside my grasp.

yet so close when i just hold my hands open & receive.

thank You.

so THIS is prayer...

i'm writing this from the ihop coffee shop in kansas city, mo USA.
and, at moments, i'm wondering how exactly i find myself back in kc yet again...
:)
a couple weekends ago, i found myself at the annual YWAM staff conference we have in dallas, tx.
i carpooled down there with 3 dear ywam buddies.
we arrived @ the conference 7 minutes before it began.
niiiice.

it was such a super weekend.
oh man, just SO much face-to-face friend time. much needed, much goodness of the Lord displayed in the faces of some quality humans- all brothers & sisters i am privileged to call friends.
thank You Lord. truly.

can i TESTIFY for a minute to you about how NUTSO GOOD our God is?
i have officially fallen in love with my God to a whole new extent.


while i was in dallas, i got a phone call sunday night from my ma.
she wanted to let me know that my gramps was in the hospital and not doing so hot. and that he had found peace with the Lord and was ready to head Home after 84 years of life.

a couple years ago, my gramps accepted Christ.
there were some outward, obvious changes but nothing extremely different.
however, on saturday my gramps was talking with an old friend of his and told him how he "felt like he betrayed the Lord" with his lack of fervor in seeking Him the past couple years.
he got right with God that night & asked to be baptized right there in his hospital bed.
if you'd known my gramps- you'd right about now be attempting to backflip and cartwheel and slobber on yourself for surprise and ecstatic happiness' sake. :)


here's a tiny glimpse into my gramps' life.
it's a wild, raging success story in the eyes of our God.
but it was no cake walk...my gramps' life puts the Restoration of God on display for all to see.

in the 1920's, gramps' father walked out on him and his 7 siblings while they were young.
this obviously affects a kid. and affects a kid as he turns into an adult. and for most his life, gramps struggled with showing affections/emotions, and it was difficult at times for his own children, my mom and her 5 siblings, to bond easily with him during their upbringing...

about 30 years ago my gramps went to church one day and saw 2 men laughing at the apparel of a homeless man who happened to attend church that day.
their hypocrisy upset him so much that he wanted little to do with the "Church"...
gramps never went back to church from that day forward.

and from about that point forward, my grams spilled her guts into praying for him for almost 30 years.
30 YEARS.
30.
this amount of time won't even sink into my noggin. it's a wildly long time. almost double the amount of time i have walked this earth. it boggles my mind. and especially my heart.

you see, grams continued to remain faithful to God 1st and gramps 2nd, never relenting in her fire and pursuit of God despite his rampant apathy and indifference day after day; week after week; year after long year...

when she talked about gramps it was rarely with her own eyes- she'd always talk to you about gramps as if she knew his "rough" parts, but she'd always focus on his good parts. always.
as she prayed for my gramps all those years, she allowed the Lord to give her HIS perspective and heart on him. she leaned on His infinite grace, patience, hope, perspective and love i will never look at abiding the same.
and i will never look at prayer and real love the same.

my dear friend/mentor sharon asked to come to my hotel room that sunday night after i had received the phone call about my gramps getting ready to die. she asked to just be with me and pray with me for my family.
we felt impressed by God to pray that my gramps would get supernatural empowerment and courage to begin reconciling with individuals in his life that he needed to make mends with...

i got a phone call from my bro a couple hours later.
turns out, that just as God was praying those prayers through us- my gramps called all my family into his hospital room there in saint joseph, mo and asked them to shut the door.
he then proceeded to call up individuals one by one and apologize/speak his heart/share any life wisdom he felt specific individuals needed to hear.


one of the last things he told my brother was "loving people and staying close to the Lord are the two most important things you must do with your life...i am ready to go Home. because your grandma stayed close to the Lord and didnt give up on me i get to go to Heaven and will meet you all there...i'm ready"
he then stopped all medicines and treatments.
he finally had broke free of all fear of hell.

i was able to catch a last minute plane back to kc on monday.
i got to say hello to gramps and see him one last time.
he spoke his last understandable words to me.
and 24 hours later a bunch of my family, all huddled together around his hospital bed, watched him take his last breath and cross over from here to There & go Home-- only 48 hours after he had reconciled and tied up all his loose, earthly ends.


it's certainly a wild success story friends!

my cousin's husband jon was there to view that night of reconciliation in gramps' hospital room.
the Lord gave him this song about it:


"going there before you"

i sat next to grandpa the other day
he was weak but had some things to say
and so i listened to him talk about his life
kids, grandkids, and wife
and would they be ok?

and he said
the days are getting short it won't be long
'til Jesus comes to take me Home
and i'll see you in...
Heaven is the place i long to be
no more pain; i'll be set free
i'm just going there before you

i watched him say goodbye to his sons
'forgive me for any wrong i've done'
i have always loved you
his daughters attend to every need
they clean him up and help the old man eat
he knows he is a blessed man

then he turned and right there by his side
holding hands, it was his lovely bride
thanks for being faithful
to the Lord and to my family
and thanks for never giving up on me
because of you, i can see our Father smiling
Betty, you should see Him smiling
He's smiling for you

from your prayers, i asked Him in my heart
and for eternity we will not part
i'm just going there before you
'tell everyone...' he said, as i drew near
'who has eyes to see and ears to hear that they can have this, too'
'let go, let God into your life,
He'll take away your struggle and your strife
i'm blessed i finally learned that'

grandpa passed away the other day
he had said all he had to say
now it's up to you to listen...



i am humbled and oh so blessed to call someone like betty kingsley my grams.
i never quite got it;
never understood how someone could do it. day after day pray for a human with virtually no change or hope of change according to what her eyes were seeing.
but now, maybe, just maybe, i'm learning...
maybe she never bothered trying to get hope or patience, faith or love by looking with her physical eyes- but with her spiritual eyes.

oh Lord, may we never attempt to pray for someone from our own perspective again.
may we lean into You God and Your infinite, limitless grace, longsuffering, hope, patience and love for someone.

may we daily, moment by moment truly live in reality.
the REAL reality of the unseen and eternal.
like gramps said as he slipped from here to There,
"it's all a mirage. all this world, all you can see with your eyes, is a mirage..."