be still. and truly know.

i've had the sheer joy and gift of conversation with some rather neat perfect strangers lately.
there's something in me that's sparked and ignited by meeting new humans.
i think it's the reality that when i come face-to-face with a never-before-met human i am no less than coming face-to-face with a Glory-carrier. i have the chance to no less than experience a piece of my God's creativity & beauty & personality...
if someone is human than they are no less than created in God's image. period.
they are literally a "mirage...a likeness...a resemblance" of God.
whether they are aware of it our not.
and it is one of our highest honors, and one of our greatest responsibilities i believe, to show other humans who they are because of Who made.
to share with them this eternal I AM Who loves with no less than an infinite, eternal love.
they, by their very God-given nature, have been loved, are loved, and will forever be loved.

i believe this so deeply. i really do.
and along these same lines, i just last week felt Him challenge me to institute a new personal daily discipline...i like to call it a new daily "rhythm" :)
He challenged me to take 30-60 minutes every day, whenever at all possible, to just BE.
to simply LAY before Him...and just remember...daily..."i am His. and He is mine. we are the work of His hands. and in the beginning...was Him and only Him..." this Triune God.
He did not spin this world into being because He was sitting around bored twiddling His thumbs, in need of some new hobby to occupy His infinite time.
we are not brought into this world to resemble some large version of hamsters just running, running, running in our own little hamster wheels so He can sit back & watch.
oh no friends. no no no.

I really felt His loving urge to take this daily 30-60 minutes to not even read or converse with Him on behalf of other...not even engaging in these VERY good and VERY right activities.
the urge from Him was straightforward, simple, and profound.
I was to simply BE with Him.
and daily remember that it is His world. and His heart is for us. and He is indeed working & toiling & intimately infused into every part of it.
and, yes, He indeed formed us to do every moment of every day WITH Him...to co-labor with Him and operate out of what He calls reality- the finished work of Jesus.
we are the ones- the called out, set apart ones. we are the ever-increasing army of Love advancing His perfect, right, true, eternal Kingdom.
"but we are HIS."
"the work of His hands."
and we indeed "have no good apart from Him" and "can do nothing apart from Him."

and, it's in these times of "being still before Him" of ceasing any & all striving [even the redeemed, disciplined, good striving :) ], that my soul finds deep, replenishing rest.
and it is in these times that I remember- no matter how much of His beautiful heart [or how much of the burdens of His heart, too] that He is kind enough to share with me...no matter what situation or confusion or dissapointment or disillusionment may come our way...
He indeed is on His throne.
and He indeed is not only good...but His is strong.
His eyes indeed "range throughout the whole earth searching out those whose hearts are fully committed to Him...that He may act on behalf of those who love Him wholeheartedly..."

and we are free to just BE, friends.
and we are free to be who He created each of us to be at our very core...
HIS.




"to return to the simplicity of Eden means to be utterly free of self-focus, possible rejection, and perceived pain or shame...the finished work of Jesus returns us to the simplicity of being children totally free to love and give and receive in our Father's world...
HIS.

some new pictures...some new words.

with my dear allie pile. she's a bonafide little sis to me. i had the joy of experiencing new york city for the first time ever last month.
in this picture: al and me. in harlem.

at Robert Morris University near Pittsburgh, PA last month...there's a WILD story to go along with this here baptism picture...read below for details :)

there's also a story to go along with this here picture...
suffice it to say it just involves getting unknowingly stranded a few days ago in the Californian mountains. in a blizzard.
getting stranded ain't so bad when you've got a fun co-stranded-companion though.

the view from my ma's home.
a.k.a my abode currently, too.
she has like the city's largest tree in her backyard.
and this tree has these GREAT little ornament thingys on it.

i LOVE being with my family right now.
it's pretty eye opening to be around my ma, especially...
it's all becoming so very clear where i get some of my quirkiness and hippie-ness from :)

one of my best, dearest friends, dia...well, she has an additional progeny.
a fine, strapping little man.
welcome to earth william.
i like you soooo much.
oh man. congrats Christian & D.
good job making such a beautiful human.

And now...for some more words, thoughts, etc. to get you in my head a bit more.

Here's most of my latest newsletter...enjoy!

Well friends, first of all, I’m a bit stunned here that’s it’s already been almost 6 months since I last sent an update your way. Year 2009 has been wildly full of the Lord’s goodness, nearness, and transformation. It really, truly has. One of the myriad of realities that I’ve been struck anew with this year is this: this God King of ours longs to mark each of His kids with His tangible presence, peace and joy in every moment, situation, thought, and longing of each of our lives. I find Him utterly drenching with His Presence, not just “ministry times” or times set aside for “outreach”, but- & it’s a work He is doing all over the earth- He’s spilling into all our minutes & days with His beautiful Self. In fact, here in my hometown, He’s showing up. [Boy o boy it sure seems that if we can be fully true to ourselves and love well in our hometowns, with our own families, the empowerment to love others elsewhere is increased.] Just last week- my mom felt like God had given her a ‘sense’ to go to a particular thrift store for some reason. So we head that way of course and, no joke, once we’re at the thrift store, this old woman walks past me & says, totally out of the blue, “my foot REALLY hurts today.” So she got some prayer and love from our healing, loving God and I got to brag on

our good, fun God a bit :)

the last six months…

So this is where I presently find myself friends. Loving life.

In awe all over again at just how relevant, active and intertwined with the affairs of men our God is. He is much, much too large and loving to remain within the four walls of any given church building. I am utterly consumed with the reality that His Good News is indeed JUST that for every single member of humanity. It’s News that we were always meant to live this life WITH God. In a divine partnership & romance with the one & only Perfect Love, Perfect Strength and Perfect Wisdom.

I have had the honor and joy of continuing to minister occasionally on college campuses still. Most recently I met up with some ministry friends to travel and connect with students on several campuses near Pittsburgh, PA for 10 days last month. And what God proceeded to do there still feels like a dream honestly. He utterly showed off J. Our very first night together, we were invited by students to a campus bible study at Robert Morris University. Long story short, the Holy Spirit showed up in splendor and a re-enactment of Acts 2 unfolded right before our eyes among this group of hungry college students. God’s tangible Presence, prophecy, healings, etc. went forth for a couple hours. Towards the end of our evening my friend Lindsay starts sharing stories of past baptisms on campuses around the nation this year, and a couple girls chime in, “Hey! We just became Christians last week and we haven’t been baptized yet! We want to be baptized! Can we be right now?!” The answer, of course, to that question was “YES!”

So an entire group of us starts marching across campus to some dorm showers. Along the way, we see a handful of guys and gals just smoking and chatting outside a dorm. “What are you guys doing tonight?” asks one of us. “Oh just hanging out” they reply. “Well, we’re about ready to go baptize some new Christians…wanna come?!” They look at us with this confused, yet wildly curious expression and say “Yes.” So they all come along, too. Once we’re there, 4 students total are baptized that night and a worship service of unified thankfulness and adoration to God breaks out.

I am still in touch with many of the amazing college students that I’ve met over the last many months and am almost DAILY hearing from them about miracles, healings, and salvations that continue to break out on their campuses and in their cities…this Loving God King of ours is most assuredly establishing His Kingdom all around us friends. Every day. And He invites us to be a part of it. And for this I am wildly humbled and insanely thankful.

what's next...

I am absolutely soaking up this extended time with my family and old friends back home near Kansas City, MO. I will continue to substitute teach and travel occasionally as ministry opportunities arise. I absolutely love collaborating with different dear friends of mine- all active with different ministries- yet all with the same deep soul-longing and calling to see God’s Presence utterly invade every last nook and cranny of every sphere of out society- whether Education, Media, Business, Family, etc.

I am so very keenly aware of the awakening that is stirring in this beautiful country of ours. Please feel free to check in from time to time on my friends’ website at campusamerica.org for non-stop stories of the release of Heaven on the campuses of our nation. I pray this awakening and the new, raw, massive craving for the Eternal & Miraculous & True only exponentially increases and we are awakened over & over again to Reality according to our Maker. I believe so very deeply in the youth of our nation and long to continue to spill out my days and years into the arising army of youth and 20-somethings that are lovesick and fascinated by God alone. I am freshly reminded of this deep reality: where the youth of a nation go- eventually the nation goes.

Welp, I continue to be impacted & greatly encouraged by what the Lord’s doing at Bethel church out in Redding, CA [check out some of their amazing podcasts @ ibethel.org]

But I am perhaps even more excited to have seen with my own eyes this year, that little “Bethels” are springing up ALL OVER our very nation and all over the entire earth friends. The sweetness of His Self and Presence somehow seems even more accessible in recent days. In fact, right in my own backyard @ the International House of Prayer [IHOP] here in Kansas City, God is doing a brand new work of INCREDIBLE things…please take a few moments and check it out @ ihop.org.

Ahhh the distance between Heaven and Earth seems wildly thin these days, friends. Wildly thin.

Love and appreciate each of you more than you know,

smj.

some good old fashioned soul weaning.

i'm ever-increasingly astonished at the beauty of our Lord's activity in each of our lives.
what a redeemer and restorer He truly is. I've found Him to be quite obsessed with redemption and restoration, really.

it floors me how kind it is of Him to lead each of our lives on a unique path with Himself.
no two humans will ever walk the exact same path from start to finish with this Creator. and that's just a stunningly beautiful picture of His amazing jealousy for each of us i think... He alone gets to share it ALL with each of us. daaaang...
and He's so jealous for the unique treasures and beauties He has placed within each of His beloved humans.

i especially have grown fond of His wisdom and kindness in the realm of leading each of our souls into being "weaned" unto Him alone [ psalm 131.2]. i've seen His handiwork over and over again in this realm- in my life and in the lives of the ones i love most.
He has a neato way of leading us each through various seasons...and each season seems to have it's own unique areas of further soul-weaning that happen.

WEAN 1 |wēn|
verb [ trans. ]
accustom (an infant or other young mammal) to food other than its mother's milk.
• accustom (someone) to managing without something on which they have become dependent or of which they have become excessively fond...
• ( be weaned on) be strongly influenced by (something), esp. from an early age.

without a doubt we are each creatures made to worship.
we become rather 'excessively fond', easily obsessed or addicted... sometimes without even knowing it or really facing it. and it is not hard for any one of us to meditate, either. it's just a matter of WHAT or WHO we're meditating on.
we all meditate on something[s]. we just do. it's in our very nature to worship and meditate.
and it's God's extravagant kindness to free us from the lesser gods. to free each of us from our lesser thoughts/meditations.

and the real challenge in these unique-to-each-season areas of soul-weaning is to be FULLY ALIVE.
to EMBRACE wholeheartedly each area of soul-weaning and to not try to numb it. or escape it. or deny it. or delay it.
to stubbornly grab hold of His hand and refuse to ever let go or wander off in the slightest.
to LET the Spirit bring things to the surface of our souls- in His ways, in His timing.

so whether each of us seems to be in a season of mostly ease or enjoyment; or whether our hearts feel as though they are in a sprint and loosing steam fast, being stretched and challenged...we know all we really need to know to keep us going:
He is GOOOOD.
and He is RIGHT HERE with us.
oh me oh my.
to be fully alive is His inheritance for us.
and that means being fully, utterly, completely alive in every moment of every day.

because He. is. HERE.
and without a doubt, without so much as a single doubt...He is the most deserving, satisfying, fun Person to be weaned unto :)

some visuals of my current home...

*the downtown of st. joseph, missouri-- i love trying to imagine all the hustle-bustle that once occupied all those cool buildings and brick roads...some of them as old as the early 1900's.




*pumpkin patchin with my beautiful ma.





*an amazing array of colorful chairs i found @ the pumpkin patch...unfortunately they weren't for sale.




*an evening drive in the country with ma.


gosh this gift of family/friend time...
this gift of sub teaching/working with youth again...
the brand new things God's been bringing to life in this city, in my family, in my heart...
SOOO GOOD.

a prayer.

welp it's most assuredly been getting colder out.
for as long as i can remember, there've been a couple things that energize me like no other--
1.meeting/laughing with/enjoying/learning about humans.
&
2.being outside- particularly on warm days...i heart the sun. like... a LOT.

but going along with a current thread that God has been kind enough to lead me on in the last couple years in particular...is this theme of digging in. really being stubborn about soaking up every single last bit of Life & Joy & Good that absolutely every given situation, person, environment, season, or experience has to offer.
because if i believe that God is in fact only a Truth-teller and not a liar, then it only makes sense that i grab hold of His hand & look Him in the eyes & ask daily for the strength to abide & daily believe that when He said "NEVER will I leave you. NEVER will i walk away from you." that He really meant it. that He really, really, really meant it.
and that it's a promise that applies to every moment of every day.
and when He also said He "will fulfill His purposes for me" He meant it not as the icing on some perfect cake...but as very hope in the midst of hopelessness. as the very substance of what we set our feet on in the difficulties, confusion, and, perhaps one of the toughest curve balls that life sometimes throws our way-- yes, even smack dab in the 'treachery of the mundane' & the "keep on keeping on" of longsuffering and patience.

and when we know these two things- that HE. IS. HERE. always.
and that no matter how much "His ways are far above our ways & understanding"...no matter how long we seem to be "waiting" for a promise...that He is indeed the ultimate Steward- stewarding every hour of our lives, leading us PERFECTLY into His PERFECT plans for every single one of us.

and so, even now, in regards to the various "cares" or questions that each of us may be learning to give to God...and with the couple things that energize me mucho- humans & warm outdoors...currently i find myself perhaps not surrounded by swarms of my friends living in the same city with me like i'm usually accustomed to- and they are instead scattered all over the earth right now in this season. and perhaps i am daily having to pray that God help me see just something, anything, good & pleasant about this cold, gray, sunless winter speedily approaching us, well i trust.
because there are obviously FAR bigger crises and FAR deeper needs & longings being felt by others right this very moment.
and because i know this God.
and boy oh boy is He amazingly loving AND wise.
and THAT my friends is a swell combo.

at least during this chilly time of year there's swarms & swarms of squirrels out gathering and planning and preparing to brace themselves for the coming cold season.
MAN...i love squirrels.
so there.
i've already discovered one upside to the cold...
:)

the external or internal props?

hi.
welp...i sure am relishing this little season my Father has been kind enough to give me.
it's a season of a lot of rather beautiful 1-on-1 time with Him. it's a season with tons of face to face family time. and it's a season of rawly looking God & myself in the eyes- of really having the space/time to recognize & process at a whole new level Who He is, who He's made me to be & and what i REALLY value.
and, to be frank, it's rather uncomfortably eyeopening to see just how i'll spend my days when there's not a whole lot of structure/schedule in place nor is there a strong community of kindred hearts surrounding me on all sides as there typically has been the last few years.
VERY eyeopening.
and i adore it. greatly.
ALSO. i have my own bedroom & bathroom. i've not tasted of that goodness in over 3 years. so that's rather NEAT and APPRECIATED. thanks God :)

i've not been home for more than a few days or a few weeks in many years.
and now after having been home for the last 3 months, i am STILL astonished at just how much my God has changed me the last many years. the myriad of humans & different personalities; the wide variety of situations & stressors & joys; the experiences i've shared with my Lord have no less than formed me.

and i'll tell you something...there's an even greater solidifying in Who i know Him to be; in who i know He's formed me to be; and in what i value/cherish/invest my time & thoughts & resources in that inevitably happens within the rubber-meets-the-road environment of family.

i believe He is teaching me some things, many things, right now.
i'm learning that until i can be true to Who i know Him to be & true to "live up to what i've already attained in Him" by really being true to my unique self, there's a certain amount of spiritual authority that's lacking it seems...
it's the day-in, day-out respect, mutual-submission, kindness, humility, embrace of healthy conflict, joy, appreciation, etc etc etc with the ones who know us best that releases greater measures of authority in the Spirit i believe.
it's remarkably eye-opening to be walking through a season with the Lord where virtually all of the "external props" have been lovingly removed [and i reckon we each have our own set of external props/comforts that we prefer...]. i see even more clearly than ever where my AUTHENTIC plans, dreams, thoughts, rooted/groundedness, confidence, hope, comforts, etc are based.
and it's been kinda hard at times...but mostly INCREDIBLY refreshing to share this rawly intimate time with the Lord.

i am entirely grateful.

''break out of routine... break out of ritual... break out of whatever it may be that allows you to be satisfied with an external expression or comfort over an internal encounter with your God.''

-bill johnson.

heart motivations and Spirit elevations.

"everything that does not come from faith is sin."
-romans 14.23-

i find this principal that our God set into motion to be such kindness. as best i can tell, it seems to me that what He was trying to guard us against in this command was the treachery of double-mindedness.

i truly believe that second-guessing [and third and fourth and fifth-guessing...] ourselves leaves some sort of open door for the enemy to introduce all sorts and manners of confusion, chaos and lack of peace in our lives...and it really is His "peace which guards our hearts and minds in Christ"

this King we love and co-labor with & are getting to know better daily is truly obsessed with looking at the... actions of our hearts?

...the failings of our hearts?

no.

He seems rather obsessed with gazing at the motives of our hearts.

i really believe that the Bible is chock-full of Truths and examples set by fellow humans in centuries gone by that seem to declare this God-reality--

that He would prefer a 'failed' outcome of a heart acting in faith to the best of its ability to elevate the guidance of the Spirit

instead of

a 'successful' outcome of a heart acting in doubt, fear, self-preservation, etc.

a heart not acting in faith to the best of its ability, but instead attempting to avoid pain, rejection, failure, etc; or the heart elevating human reasoning above what it knows the Spirit to be saying is not a success in God's eyes.
a heart leaning on it's own strength or wisdom...attempting to safeguard itself and making a half-hearted, second-guessing decisions lacking that deep "transcending understanding" peace that has one Source & one Source alone = not good.

the motives.

it's all about the motives.

the mid-air dangle...

"there's a time to be born & a time to die. there's a right time to plant & a right time to uproot what has been planted."
.ecclesiastes 3:2.

i think we've all experienced what it means to plant somewhere.
to let the roots of our heart truly touch down and then allow those roots to push ever-deeper into the soil of a particular location, with a particular group of people, chasing a particular vision(s).
it tends to be the type of season where we learn to really buckle down with the Lord and allow our heart to get tangled up with His heart for & perspective on a particular locale or people group.
and perhaps, more than anything, it's a season in which we learn what it means to have a Good Shepherd always enjoying us, guiding us perfectly, keeping us in His "good and perfect will" no matter what the present surroundings of our path look like at the time; even when it's a stretch of the path that we are not particularly stoked about or find particularly appealing at the time...
we learn to trust Him enough to believe that we are just where we need to be--
at this time in history.

in this generation.
in this place.
with these particular humans.
bringing His heart & Kingdom down here- setting our hands to this particular task with the Lord...ever-increasingly learning just what a life consumed by "loving God, ourselves and others" really means- day-in, day-out...rubber meets the road.


and i reckon most of us have also experienced what it means to be uprooted.
to have the Lord speak, confirm and consume our hearts with fresh vision and new desire as He prepares to uproot us from our present location to plant us in a new one.


but the situation i find myself in presently, a situation i have been in one other time before, is that of dangling.
dangling mid-air.
i have been uprooted.
but i' ve not quite yet, however, been re-planted.

i was doing some landscaping for my ma a while back, planting various flowers and such.
i remember looking at a particularly stunning flower. i picked it up and began removing it from it's little plastic carton that it was transported in from the store.
as i pulled it out and held it in the air, it's roots were all exposed.
yikes.
it was still beautiful but it was NAKED. EXPOSED. VULNERABLE.
and it really got me to thinking...perhaps it's not the seasons of learning the hardships & beauties of commitment- of being planted...
and perhaps it's not the seasons of learning 'the ropes' all over again- of being planted in an entirely new place, that are the toughest seasons.

perhaps the toughest seasons are those in which we find ourselves 'dangling in mid-air'.
we've obeyed and let go of the past as we engaged our hearts with God's word to
"go out from where you are & go to a place I will show you..."

because this denotes major uncomfortability, especially in our modern-day, americanized, worship of logic, having all our "ducks in a row", productivity=value, sortta mindsets.
and boy o boy, does it leave our roots- who we REALLY are deep down- dangling, exposed mid-air.
it's authentic, raw, child-like trust His heart aches for i believe.
and in these seasons of letting go of what we know BEFORE knowing what He will have us grab onto next...it is surely trust He gets!
these mid-air seasons are dang good for quickly exposing our roots- or lack thereof.
DANG good.
:)

so here's my personal challenge- and one that i am extending to you, too:
say "yes".
be brave.

and trusting.

ALWAYS choose God and ALWAYS choose "yes!" when He initiates a leap.
when you sense Him giving you that "double dog dare" to let go of your past, and to even let go of your present...BEFORE you know what your future will completely look like...TAKE IT. take the double doggie dare my friends.

and when the soul-aches and heart-desires and flesh-screams come racing to the surface, and oh they most assuredly will, please don't ignore them or push them away or allow yourself to choose the cheap, shallow, temporary distractions that our technology-laden society will throw at you.
choose to hold His big ol' loving & powerful hand and explore the aches & desires WITH Him.
He wouldn't be exposing them if He didn't have an escape route and a much better alternative plan.

keep the soil of your heart soft, supple, stirred. 

please don't allow it to become hard, unbelieving, or pessimistic for even a moment's time.
learn to stir up your own soul as David did.
keep allowing yourself to be weaned off even the 'legitimate' pleasures of this world.

" You made us for Your good pleasure.
And our hearts are restless, until they find their rest in You."

the mid-air, hangy dangly seasons are truly a priceless, stunningly beautiful, life-altering GIFT from above.
grace to us all to believe that with all our soul.

pitied or envied?

"if in this life only we have hoped in Christ, we are of all people most to be pitied."
1 Cor. 15.19

i have been struck anew recently by how easy it truly is to turn my gaze and my hope towards the things of this temporary, seen world all around us.
to live this life as if THIS life is the point of it all.
i don't always consciously think about how i believe THIS life is the point of it all, yet, somehow, many of the thoughts i think or motivations i have or actions i make based on those [sometimes subconscious] motivations seem to have as their foundation this false idea that Christianity is also all about this life, rather than the hereafter.
i think perhaps this is what Paul was trying to encourage our brothers & sisters there in Corinth all those years ago- Family members who walked this earth just as surely as we do- with this surprising hope... that if we find ourselves disappointed and jaded with how life goes down here sometimes, well, GOOD.
perhaps that just simply means that all is going as planned.
'cause this stuff we can see, touch and taste right now is not the be-all, end-all.
and if we covenant ourselves with Christ and have expectations that life with Him while we're in these flesh tents will be all comfort, ease, and receiving what we expect or believe to be 'best'...welp, we are most to be pitied.

if stuff in this life is what we set our ultimate hopes on- Christianity is really not the fast-track to ease, lack of risk, and the expected.
it's just not.

but boy o boy is it ever the fast track to a very real, very near Creator God. this Father of the Year winner [He wins every year]. this Savior & Brother. This ever-present Teacher/Friend/Comforter.
yeah, it's a fast track to the deepest aches found within every. single. human. heart.
and if it's the Eternal, True & Lasting that we have really SET our vision & hopes on, wellll- we have chosen rightly.
but friends, if it's the stuff of this temporary, seen realm...well, as Christ's disciples/students...perhaps we are indeed "most to be pitied."

a bit o' what i'm thankful for presently.

.the sounds and smells rain produces, completely apart from any effort of mankind.
.the look on a baby or child's face when they're being still and just thinking and observing their surroundings-- somewhere along the way to adulthood, humans seem to forget the magnitude of life-giving fuel there is in spending a bit more of our days 'being still and knowing He is God.'
.a field of lightning bugs absolutely showing off and lighting up a field on a summer night-- displaying for us no less than a free fireworks show.
.that as children of God we are free to risk as our Dad leads...because no possible outcome-whether good, bad or ugly- is bigger than His activity, protection, and leadership in our lives.
.mowing grass-- the smells, the companionship of the sun, the thinking time, the sweating...ahh love it.
.for the absolutely unique humor, facial expressions, quirks, values, dreams, and thoughts each human i will ever come into contact owns that i will NEVER find in another human other than them. its as if meeting someone new is a front-row ticket to a movie showing that will only be played once, never repeated.
.the way a dog can look you in the eyes and seem to know precisely what you're saying, yet choosing not to talk, just listen.
.how awkward a bird looks when it walks- it was meant for flight...and how abnormal a human looks when spending their lives 'just getting by' or 'just passing the time' by worshiping/spending thoughts and time on fancies that will never love us back-- we were made to spill our lives out as a response to the King of all kings' lovesickness for us. we are indeed the object of the most important, beautiful, powerful, handsome, funny and loving Being that's ever existed--designed to affect and infect the world that surrounds us daily.
.for a car that somehow runs as smoothly @ 210,000 miles as it did at 80,000 miles. neat.
.the stories, perspective and wisdom of someone who's walked this earth longer than i.
.for all the hidden, below-the-surface surprises and jewels that the Bible contains; that will never be found by the casual observer- but the lovesick re-enacter.
.for chopsticks to eat with.
.for the confidence, security, and untouchable/unfading Hope and Peace that we are offered to set our feet upon daily...for the reality that nothing in this seen world has a hold on us but what we allow.
.for squirrels and their cute, bushy tails and tiny, twitching noses.

an evaluation.

^{Ephesians 2.6-14--}

"And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

Therefore, remember that formerly you who are Gentiles by birth and called "uncircumcised" by those who call themselves "the circumcision" (that done in the body by the hands of men)— remember that at that time you were separate from Christ, excluded from citizenship in Israel and foreigners to the covenants of the promise, without hope and without God in the world. But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.

For he himself is our peace, who has made the two one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility"

it strikes me that God chooses to emphasize this point- "and this grace you have received- it's NOT from within yourself" and it's not a result of something you DID or DO. when He says 'not by works', that word 'works' means "act, deed, doing, labor, work"...

it doesn't originate from within you- it originates from outside of you, it is wholly separate from you. it is a GIFT to be received, completely apart from ANY actions or works you may perform...or not perform. both now & forever.

i wonder what effect it may have on us & on the world around us if we all took time periodically to re-evaluate our motives/actions/thoughts/desires to see how much striving & earning & performance we were taking part in- whether consciously or unconsciously? well, personally, i'll tell you that i am continually walking through repentance and change in this realm.

and, as it turns out, God has not once been overwhelmed or ill-equipped to free us of this tricky, oftentimes deep-rooted stuff...

i was talking to a dear friend last night & she was sharing about how the Lord's been kind enough to reveal some deep, deep lies in her heart- roots of false thinking that have affected how she sees herself & how she interacts with God and other humans.

and i've been amazed, over & over the last few years, by how much humans battle this [oftentimes unseen/unacknowledged] lie that goes a little something like this 'eventually the people in my life that i care about most will walk away- either because i suddenly bore them or i'm not lively enough or funny enough or deep enough...whatever the 'reason' we may allow to be conjured up within ourselves- the root of the deception is all the same- its a performance/earning/striving mentality. and it has a way of affecting so much of who we are, IF we allow it to...

another reality that strikes me in the Bible passage above is the truth "Christ Himself is our peace."

peace. the real, bottom-line thing we're all seeking out. the treasure. because, even with all the riches of the world or the 'perfect' mate or the ideal job...without underlying peace- the gig is up. it's soul-rest, peace, steadiness/confidence/security in Someone stable that we all, every. single. human. CRAVES.

our real peace is a Person.

the Way.

the Truth.

the Life.

the Peace.

a Person. offering Himself to us daily. as an unmerited, undeserved, un-earnable gift.

now THAT is something worth being giddy about.

every moment of every day.

we are not of "those without hope in the world, separate, foreigners from God" any longer.

God, Your grace is far outside my grasp.

yet so close when i just hold my hands open & receive.

thank You.

so THIS is prayer...

i'm writing this from the ihop coffee shop in kansas city, mo USA.
and, at moments, i'm wondering how exactly i find myself back in kc yet again...
:)
a couple weekends ago, i found myself at the annual YWAM staff conference we have in dallas, tx.
i carpooled down there with 3 dear ywam buddies.
we arrived @ the conference 7 minutes before it began.
niiiice.

it was such a super weekend.
oh man, just SO much face-to-face friend time. much needed, much goodness of the Lord displayed in the faces of some quality humans- all brothers & sisters i am privileged to call friends.
thank You Lord. truly.

can i TESTIFY for a minute to you about how NUTSO GOOD our God is?
i have officially fallen in love with my God to a whole new extent.


while i was in dallas, i got a phone call sunday night from my ma.
she wanted to let me know that my gramps was in the hospital and not doing so hot. and that he had found peace with the Lord and was ready to head Home after 84 years of life.

a couple years ago, my gramps accepted Christ.
there were some outward, obvious changes but nothing extremely different.
however, on saturday my gramps was talking with an old friend of his and told him how he "felt like he betrayed the Lord" with his lack of fervor in seeking Him the past couple years.
he got right with God that night & asked to be baptized right there in his hospital bed.
if you'd known my gramps- you'd right about now be attempting to backflip and cartwheel and slobber on yourself for surprise and ecstatic happiness' sake. :)


here's a tiny glimpse into my gramps' life.
it's a wild, raging success story in the eyes of our God.
but it was no cake walk...my gramps' life puts the Restoration of God on display for all to see.

in the 1920's, gramps' father walked out on him and his 7 siblings while they were young.
this obviously affects a kid. and affects a kid as he turns into an adult. and for most his life, gramps struggled with showing affections/emotions, and it was difficult at times for his own children, my mom and her 5 siblings, to bond easily with him during their upbringing...

about 30 years ago my gramps went to church one day and saw 2 men laughing at the apparel of a homeless man who happened to attend church that day.
their hypocrisy upset him so much that he wanted little to do with the "Church"...
gramps never went back to church from that day forward.

and from about that point forward, my grams spilled her guts into praying for him for almost 30 years.
30 YEARS.
30.
this amount of time won't even sink into my noggin. it's a wildly long time. almost double the amount of time i have walked this earth. it boggles my mind. and especially my heart.

you see, grams continued to remain faithful to God 1st and gramps 2nd, never relenting in her fire and pursuit of God despite his rampant apathy and indifference day after day; week after week; year after long year...

when she talked about gramps it was rarely with her own eyes- she'd always talk to you about gramps as if she knew his "rough" parts, but she'd always focus on his good parts. always.
as she prayed for my gramps all those years, she allowed the Lord to give her HIS perspective and heart on him. she leaned on His infinite grace, patience, hope, perspective and love i will never look at abiding the same.
and i will never look at prayer and real love the same.

my dear friend/mentor sharon asked to come to my hotel room that sunday night after i had received the phone call about my gramps getting ready to die. she asked to just be with me and pray with me for my family.
we felt impressed by God to pray that my gramps would get supernatural empowerment and courage to begin reconciling with individuals in his life that he needed to make mends with...

i got a phone call from my bro a couple hours later.
turns out, that just as God was praying those prayers through us- my gramps called all my family into his hospital room there in saint joseph, mo and asked them to shut the door.
he then proceeded to call up individuals one by one and apologize/speak his heart/share any life wisdom he felt specific individuals needed to hear.


one of the last things he told my brother was "loving people and staying close to the Lord are the two most important things you must do with your life...i am ready to go Home. because your grandma stayed close to the Lord and didnt give up on me i get to go to Heaven and will meet you all there...i'm ready"
he then stopped all medicines and treatments.
he finally had broke free of all fear of hell.

i was able to catch a last minute plane back to kc on monday.
i got to say hello to gramps and see him one last time.
he spoke his last understandable words to me.
and 24 hours later a bunch of my family, all huddled together around his hospital bed, watched him take his last breath and cross over from here to There & go Home-- only 48 hours after he had reconciled and tied up all his loose, earthly ends.


it's certainly a wild success story friends!

my cousin's husband jon was there to view that night of reconciliation in gramps' hospital room.
the Lord gave him this song about it:


"going there before you"

i sat next to grandpa the other day
he was weak but had some things to say
and so i listened to him talk about his life
kids, grandkids, and wife
and would they be ok?

and he said
the days are getting short it won't be long
'til Jesus comes to take me Home
and i'll see you in...
Heaven is the place i long to be
no more pain; i'll be set free
i'm just going there before you

i watched him say goodbye to his sons
'forgive me for any wrong i've done'
i have always loved you
his daughters attend to every need
they clean him up and help the old man eat
he knows he is a blessed man

then he turned and right there by his side
holding hands, it was his lovely bride
thanks for being faithful
to the Lord and to my family
and thanks for never giving up on me
because of you, i can see our Father smiling
Betty, you should see Him smiling
He's smiling for you

from your prayers, i asked Him in my heart
and for eternity we will not part
i'm just going there before you
'tell everyone...' he said, as i drew near
'who has eyes to see and ears to hear that they can have this, too'
'let go, let God into your life,
He'll take away your struggle and your strife
i'm blessed i finally learned that'

grandpa passed away the other day
he had said all he had to say
now it's up to you to listen...



i am humbled and oh so blessed to call someone like betty kingsley my grams.
i never quite got it;
never understood how someone could do it. day after day pray for a human with virtually no change or hope of change according to what her eyes were seeing.
but now, maybe, just maybe, i'm learning...
maybe she never bothered trying to get hope or patience, faith or love by looking with her physical eyes- but with her spiritual eyes.

oh Lord, may we never attempt to pray for someone from our own perspective again.
may we lean into You God and Your infinite, limitless grace, longsuffering, hope, patience and love for someone.

may we daily, moment by moment truly live in reality.
the REAL reality of the unseen and eternal.
like gramps said as he slipped from here to There,
"it's all a mirage. all this world, all you can see with your eyes, is a mirage..."

re-discovering the Gospel...

there have been moments, especially in the last 4 months of my life, that i have truly pondered the possiblility that i know very little of the authentic Gospel.
because if i truly, deeply knew and believed that this life-changing wonder of all wonders was true, it should no less than affect every moment of my every day.
litterally.

so, i wonder.
i wonder, if it's true that we live out what we believe to be true-- than how little or how much of the Gospel do i really believe...how much of the Gospel am i holding God's hand and re-enacting to the best of my ability, as He daily leads?

off and on for the better part of today, i've been chewing on a little somethin', somethin' i read last night in an outrageously great book i'm currently reading.
from "The Normal Christian Life" by Watchman Nee...
pgs. 62-67
"Romans 6.6- 'knowing this, that our old man was crucified with Him'.
the tense of this verb is most precious, for it puts the event right back there in the past. it is final, and once-for-all.
and it simply cannot be undone. our old man has been crucified once and forever, and he can never be un-crucified.
this is what we need to know.
then when we know this, what follows? look again at our passage. the next command is in verse 11:
'even so, reckon yourselves to be dead to sin.'
that is the order.
when we know our old man has been crucified with Christ, then the next step is to reckon it so.
unfortunately, in presenting the truth of our union with Christ, the emphasis has all too often been placed upon this second matter of reckoning ourselves to be dead, as though that were the starting point, whereas it should rather be upon knowing ourselves to be dead.
God's Word makes it clear that 'knowing' is to precede 'reckoning'.
'know this...reckon...'
this sequence is most important.
our reckoning MUST be based on knowledge of divinely revealed fact, for otherwise faith has no foundation on which to rest.
once we KNOW, then we RECKON naturally, spontaneously.
so, in teaching this matter, we musn't overemphasize 'reckoning'. people are always trying to reckon without knowing first.
they have not first had a Spirit-given revelation of the fact; yet they try to reckon and soon they get into all sorts of difficulties. when temptation comes they begin to reckon furiously. 'my old man is dead! my old man is dead! my old man is dead!' yet, in this very act of reckoning, they lose their temper. then they say, 'it doesn't work. romans 6.11 is no good.'
and we have to admit verse 11 is no good without verse 6.
the greek word 'reckoning' used in this verse means "accounting, bookkeeping"
this word is important.
you see, accounting is the only thing in the world we humans can do accurately.
an artist cannot paint a picture of the landscape totally perfectly.
a historian cannot vouch for perfect historical data.
but, you see, accounting is based on math that is always constant and remains forever the same.
because 1 + 1 will always = 2.
always.
why does God say we are to 'reckon ourselves dead'?
because we are dead.
lets return to the accounting analogy. suppose i have $15 dollars in my pocket.
what can i enter into my account book?
$14?
$16?
no, i MUST enter into my account book that, and only that which is, in fact, in my pocket- nothing more, nothing less.
accounting is the reckoning of facts, not fancies.
i cannot enter what i "feel" like...yet that is what many of us do when it comes to the realities of the Gospel according to God.

it is because i am dead that God tells me to account it so.
God has not and will not ask me to put down in my account book what is not real.

and reckoning is not a form of make-believe.

its not that i have $15 in my pocket and God is asking me to account that i have $20 through mind games...' i really have $20, i really have $20...'
no!
reckoning will not make $15 into $20 dollars.
nor will it make what is untrue, true.
God tells us to reckon ourselves dead, not that by the process of reckoning we may become dead, but because we ARE dead.
He never told us to reckon what was not fact..."


oh God, will You do it? in Your deep grace and mercy, will You show us again the countless wonders of Your Gospel?
would you mystify and astound us once more with Reality according to You?
will you make us of those who are banking on the promise that You are on Your way, and coming soon? will You make us of those who live this life as if the unseen and eternal truly are more real than anything our eyeballs can see or our hands can touch?
will You make us of those who are so unattached to the temporary things of this world, that we LONG inside for the redemption of this world, that we look for any and every occasion to bless, honor, serve and love...for Your glory. that You alone may receive Your due and just reward. and because we're banking on the fact that You've gone to prepare a place for us. a place of eternal rest, safety, love, hope, pleasure...and we want as many souls as possible to come with us.

good golly miss molly.
about a week ago i felt the Lord challenge me to be disciplined enough to spend at least an hour a day on music whenever at all possible.
i've been able to almost completely hold fast to this challenge for the last week or so...YESSSS!
parts of me are coming back to life...i honestly don't recall the last time i've been able to devote even a consistent 15 minutes a day to musical endeavors.
it's quite tasty to the ol' soul indeed.

tonite, He gave me a lil' diddy to write out of Isaiah 55--


" why do you do it, day after day
trudge through half numb, who told you to?
emptying your pockets & spilling out your soul
for all these things entirely impotent to save

chorus X2-
so come, free drinks - but only to them who know they thirst
come, buy & eat - but only for them who know they're beyond bankrupt
it's you He wants, only you He wants
it's you He wants, only you He forever wants

listen to me, come to me
i'll bind myself to you and never leave
i'll fill you up, 'til you can't seem to get enough
i'll satisfy & fill every aching abyss within

chorus X2-

my thoughts aren't your thoughts,
my ways, not your ways
look up, up into the heavens & know
you make this heart skip a beat
oh how you make my heart skip a beat..."


it's already been a deep, deep pleasure to get lost in music once more.
music is most assuredly something God has fashioned me to intensely value.

so here's a challenge...
to remember afresh today what it is you've been fashioned to deeply appreciate and value...and then to steward those things with all His energies.
daily.
for His glory.

awake o sleeper.

luke 9.32 - "peter and his companions were very sleepy, but when they became fully awake, they saw his glory and the two men standing with him..."

revelation 16.15- "Behold, I come like a thief! Blessed is he who stays awake and keeps his clothes with him, so that he may not go naked and be shamefully exposed."

isaiah 52.1 - "awake, awake, O Zion, clothe yourself with strength. Put on your garments of splendor, O Jerusalem, the holy city."


for almost 3 years now, i have awoke many mornings with these words escaping my spirit through my mouth:
"More Lord, More."
they slip out completely apart from any cognitive command.
month, after month, after month.
and i believe with all my heart that it's been one of those deals where the Spirit inside me takes over and prays through me with no forethought of my own...

and just last week, He whispered to me "sarah, I have your heart, but not all of your thoughts...".
He's been kind & patient enough, especially in these last 4 months of being mobile, to take me through a rather extensive "renewing of the mind".
again.
trust me, He and i have walked through countless "mind renewals". turns out "renewing of the mind" isn't so much a "season" as it is a lifestyle.

so, anyway, this "More Lord, More" & this renewing of the mind, i believe with all i am are two huge longings of His heart right now-- for the Bride as a whole to be awakened & jolted out of her slumber, numbness and identity crisis enough to remember who she is meant to be- a Bride ALWAYS hungry, always CRAVING...somehow always satisfied, @ rest, content and @ peace in her Beloved...yet always jealous for MORE of Him!

it seems americanized christianity has far too covertly stripped true Christianity in our nation of Her beauty, simplicity, unity and purity. if it's the pure in heart who see God, it is one of my biggest prayers and desires to see God continually, and ever-increasingly, separate the chaff of our americanized chrsitiantiy from the wheat of pure Christ-cented Chrsitiantiy, in our hearts and minds.
and i believe He's doing it- He's revealing false mindsets...those "filters" and "defense mechanisms" those subconscious, even, ways of seeing Him, others & ourselves that affect ALL that we are, say, believe, treasure and do in this life on a moment by moment basis...

Lamb of God, get Your due and just rewards.
get the Bride You layed Your life down for.
the Bride You see, dream about, long for, daydream about, yearn for, and have anticipated since Creation for.
help us daily only "live up to what we have already attained" in You.
continually peel back the layers of the onion, the filters, the blinders that keep us from seeing you and being knocked off our feet by Your holiness.
reveal the distractions, busy-ness, movement, and noise that keep us from "being still enough to KNOW"...You REALLY ARE God and in charge.
may the eternal and unseen actually BE to us as they truly are- more REAL than the temporal and seen.
may all the "workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works which You planned ahead of time" truly, fully be fulfilled. daily.
get all Your glory through us Lord.

more Lord, more.

sunshine. conversations. growth.

wow.
this is gooood.
i havent written posts on this thing 2 days in a row, in like, 2 or 3 years-- yippe skippe!
a monumental event this is folks.

my ywam buddie lynn is crashing with me a couple nites this week whilest i reside in my aunts home in kc. we walked around the plaza today, taking in the perfectly blissful sun, coffee, warmth and humans.
one of these humans was an older gentleman by the name of bob.
bob approached us to ask about a curious sound he heard across the street-- what started out as a solitary question turned into a half-hour conversation on everything from planets & math to doing taxes to his struggle to believe God exists.
and as we were exchanging thoughts, perspectives and hearts with this gentleman, i asked God to simply help us see him how He sees him and asked if there was anything inparticular He'd like to say to him through us.
He spoke some things but then reminded me in His confident and to-the-point, yet gentle and loving way- to share what He put on my heart to share with this man and then to continue to pray but let go and trust Him for the follow through and continued pursuit of this man's life & heart.
then my thoughts went for a sunday drive and meandered for a bit...i got to telling God "but what if there's nobody else in his life who'll tell him about you? what of his heart & soul? what of the reality of eternity? who else will share the Salvation, Hope, Freedom & Love that You are to him and desire for him to walk in alongside You?..."
and He reminded me once more-
do what i ask of you child.
trust Me to do the rest.
if your soul ponders, aches and yearns for his eternity, how much moreso Mine?

so we wrapped up our conversation and lynn and i found a spot to read for a bit.
we took up where i last left off in Acts.
and this is what we stumbled upon:
Acts 26.27-29
" 'king agrippa, do you believe the prophets? i know that you believe.' and agrippa said to paul, 'in a short time you would pursuade me to be a Christian!' and paul said ' whether short or long, i would to God that not only you but also all who hear me this day might become just as i am- except for these chains' "
and God told me again-
"you see, paul threw his entire existence into sharing what He'd found in Me- but he put the ultimate results back upon My shoulders...'whether it takes a short time or long time, i ask God for you...'

1 Corinthians--3:1* "And I, brethren, could not speak unto you as unto spiritual, but as unto carnal, as unto babes in Christ.
2* I fed you with milk, not with meat; for you weren't yet able to bear it: no, not even now are you able;
3* for you are yet carnal: for there is among you jealousy and strife, are you not carnal, and do ye not walk after the manner of men?
4* For when one says, I am of Paul; and another, I am of Apollos; are you not men?
5*What then is Apollos? and what is Paul? Ministers through whom you believed; and each as the Lord gave to him.
6* I planted, Apollos watered; but God gave the increase.
7* So then neither is he that plants anything, neither he that waters; but it's God ALONE that gives the increase [enlarges, grows].
8* Now he that plants and he that waters are one: but each shall receive his own reward according to his own labor.
9* For we are God’s fellow-workers: you are God’s husbandry, God’s building."

it's the seed-planting, the committed/full of faith prayers & intercessions that require the most faith sometimes.
because it means looking to God's face and voice alone and being satisfied completely apart from seeing with our eyes, any sort of outcome in a man or woman's soul.
seems like a real smart system designed by a real smart God.
because it totally, completely and utterly makes a mockery of the idea that the salvation of souls is ultimately up to any of us.

turns out its about the steps of faith, holding His hand ruthlessly and never letting go.
turns out its about being married to Him and NOT to the outcomes of our acts of obedience...