We leave for chicago two weeks from tomorrow and will be there for 2 weeks, back to texas, then on to D.C. for 6 weeks or so, Lord willing.
Still seems God is hitting home deeper deeper deeper what it means to truly stop. to cease my ideas and plans and scheming in my head and just stop. To stoop down in the dirt on my knees, and empty my hands- lay it all down and then pick up 1 thing and 1 thing alone: Him. and this is teaching me that it's very typical of this above and beyond God of mine to then insist that I muster up the faith/trust to ask Him for the very good and perfect things He desires for me to ask Daddy for. Because what are heart's desires but very good blessings God gets a kick out out of giving those kids He knows are centered and consumed with Him. He is not threatened by abundance and superfluous, nor should I be.
And for His sake, I am refusing fear and the assumption of the worst in an attempt to take care of my own heart and am declaring from this day onward that He is my hope and safe place, my Home to rest and be myself and laugh and be taken care of and loved. I'm tired of hurting His heart by putting up walls and living thngs out halfway. Fear of anything but Him is pure stupidity and straight up sin and must be fought with the fierceness and passion that God requires of those who love Him.
He has never hurt me and that's all I need to rest my hat on. All. You can throw your whole entire self into the God-basket and then let yourself rest, knowing you'll never get betrayed, wounded, or walked out on.
This is the day, this is the one He made for us. Tomorrow doesn't own you, nor does the past. God alone rightfully, legally owns you. And in this our hearts find peace.

oh snickerdoodle - God wasn't kidding. When i stop striving in my own energy or in the enthusiasm, depth or knowledge i can muster up on my own and just start delighting, enjoying, laughing with, going on walks @ stinkin 6 am just b/c He asks and wants to hang out with me, etc. it really is an easy yoke we share.
no more trying to do stuff on my own, no more fence riding...just getting to know Him, trust Him, step out WITH Him and livin this life thing a little more transformed by Truth each day.

the clouds around here the past couple days have been making the coolest sculptures in the sky. and one of my small group peeps told me last night that apparently @ some point this week mars is suppossed to park itself next to the moon. sa-weeet.
learning to be a better wife to God is hard but the investment always has major returns. always.
so thankful as God keeps revealing stuff He has for me. it's plumb exciting. love that He "sees the end from the beginning" in all things and that i will never go to Him with a quandry or circumstance and have Him respond "oh shoot. now i wasn't prepared for that one...ummmm let's re-eval here. this is a predicament." never. no suprises.
i love that i have all eternity to look forward to and that even though it never fails- the more and more He shows me stuff in me- i don't know the fathoms of my own stinkin soul; but God knows me, all of us, and that's honestly all i gotta rest in. it's quite nice.
the new dark chocolate raisinets are pretty tight.
i miss riding my bike.
i feel like i am learning for the first time ever what it means to be helpless and child-like with God. this is a biggie in His eyes- how did i never really get it? ah well...everything in its own season, ey?
i love people. not a dull moment with the variety to shake things up daily.
when God is not speaking HE IS SPEAKING! He's saying keep on keepin on. keep doing the same. don't pull a sarah jensen and freak out and condemn yourself and be all insecure that you're doing something wrong. His silence is sometimes o.k. for real. just keep going and have ears open to His loving correction for sure, but otherwise just keep walking and TRUSTING.

go pet a dog today. they're so amazing. it's like a little human who feels emotions himself and those of others around him...yet won't yack a lot but only listen. and they shake their tails a lot and smile all the time. it's a perfect little creature in so many ways- admit it.

ohhhhhh friends...how do you find words for one of the best weeks of your life? it's just been indescribable. words will never do.
some things i look forward to about Heaven- 1. "seeing God as He is" and 2. maybe having a larger capacity to express to God what i love and appreciate about Him. it's so frustrating. no expressions ever begin to cut it. ever listened to david crowder's "i need words"- yeah, exactly.
some highlights from the week-

talking to some pals...one of which is taking a husband a week from tomorrow- WHAT?! oh it's so beautiful. (love ya jess, so thankful for you girl!)

God being good enough to give me new revelation on His "good and perfect gifts" - with our God being as big as He is, maybe there are more than just one "best" in different areas of our lives. just try to think of it ya'll - an infinite One giving a gift to a finite one. i mean, what're the odds that we're gonna experience some beautiful stuff the more and more deeply we press into Him?!

a prayer burden @ the chapel yesterday. He told my heart in a grievous, painful, desperate tone: My people don't know me. they run around and "do" stuff for me and try to tell others about me, but they don't take the time for solitude and silence to JUST BE with me and get to know me. and it hurts me...bad. not long after all that i dozed off listening to some goo goo dolls. woke up a little while later to the end of "iris" and the repeating of "i just want you to know who i am. i just want you to know who i am.t want you to know who i am..." yep - we'r e onto somethin here.

ummm...what a shame striving, perfectionism, humanism, and self-sufficiency are. they take God out of the equation, wear us out and keep us from true rest, from hearing His voice, and from properly enjoying Him and others and ourselves. He longs for us to see Him as a loving, patient Dad...and as my earthly pops said today- even an earthly dad would never walk around carrying a big stick just waiting to lash out on his baby if he tried to take a step and stumbled or fell. it's the same with learning to hear His voice and obey Him in all things. he doesn't expect perfection right off the bat; He does long for us to just try and keep letting Him teach us in love.
and two examples of a wife:
the first shakes her husband by the collar, lashing out & screaming "what is your will! what are we doing?! what's going on!?" and the second: chillin on the couch, snuggling up to her husband and saying 'i simply want whatever is your will. i trust you. but my first priority-can i just have more time with you?"
i mean seriously...which Bride do ya reckon God enjoys more?!

God's Law = Love. they're the same thing. He must just cry out "get rid of this stupid stuff. it separates me from you and i just wanna bless you! get rid of this, it hates and messes with you."

obedience is being a steward of what God has given us right now. not dwelling on past sin or worrying about future struggles- but the right now.

love God, love others & yourself.
keep it simple guys.