Only Empty Containers Can Be Filled

spending 15 hours in the car all saturday with bro proved to be incredible and just what the Good Doc ordered!
Texas is just so great. i really like it down here guys. a ton.
the dirt is red- reminds me of jamaica big time.
3 min. showers... less humidity down here, even in 100 degree temps. = less sweating so 3 min showers aint so bad really.
4 of us squeezed into one cozy room.
there's all this open space everywhere as we drove through kansas, oklahoma, and texas-brings a focus and clarity on God's bigness and beauty- it's all so good for the soul, like how God intended for us to live or somethin, ya know? less buildings and noise and man. more God and the stuff His hands created.
there's a bunch of ponds on base and a hammock, too. it's just such a cool retreat God called on with Him, it really really is. if you click on the ywam-tyler link on the right of my blog you can see some pictures of this place. gorgeous. it really really is.

we had our first all-base meeting last night. probably 300 hundred people or so of all ages and denominations and stages in their walk. all of us see different facets of God and have expereinced so many diff. things. so much to soak up. last night's speaker was from Australia and he rocked. spoke on the 1st 3 beatitudes.
i was so convicted about how much i have been avoiding brokenness. "blessed are the poor in spirit..." do i really see God breaking me as a blessing? or do i avoid it like the plague?

one of my roomies- danielle- was asking me to pray that she not just get cracks in her heart- that tends to find us clamoring to fix our hearts on our own- she wants God to full-on break her heart -- then and only then-- can He re-form her.
that's so true. and it hit me like no other -
i am the owner of a heart that tries to always take care of itself. i don't wanna "bother" God or others. i want to ignore or just flat-out run from pain and brokenness. it's if i tried to repair my own sin and to somehow grasp onto my desires by myself.

read in oswald chambers' "my utmost for His highest" this morn.-

"what shall i say? Father save me from this hour (these upcoming hardships, great sorrow, agony and seemingly abandonment)? but for this cause i came into this hour. Father, glorify Your name." John 12:27-29
"sorrow burns up a great amount of shallowness, but it does not always make me better. suffering either gives me more of myself or it destroys self (flesh)...in success we lose our head, in monotony we grouse. the way to find your true self is in the fires of sorrow...receive yourself in the fires of sorrow."
Sarah don't run from brokenness and being emptied of all that's not me. don't focus on your pain and brokenness, though. focus on me and my working to rid you of all the black things, the reside still in you that are stealing the real you. see it as a means of me pulling you closer to me and my Father heart. i want to take care of you. i want you to know i'm here and won't walk out on you. i want to show you the treasure that I see in you. let me take care of you. i WANT to take care of you.

brokenness leads to humility
humility leads to accepting God's grace and unconditional love instead of the false identity and false value we gain from "performing well" for God.
accepting God's grace and love leads to accepting yourself.
accepting yourself = being able to truly "love others as you love yourself" well.

we spend so much time evading sorrow and hardship. we are typically told to either get over it with sheer willpower or to just ignore it completely, to figure out what is "wrong" with you. but schnikeys, maybe crossroads and confusions and unexpected events in life are all there very specifically. real specifically?!

lovin the outdoors, the wide age groups and offbeat personalities. lovin the passion and retreating. love that i get lost b/c i have no flippin clue where i'm at when i drive. lovin the learning and classrooms and teaching. lovin that i'm still missing the kids and pals a bit still, too though!
no idea what's gonna happen beyond this 5 month program. i know it's just gonna fly by. no clue @ all and that's okey dokey... cause God knows every last detail.