Hearing the Silence

Read this tonight...an excerpt from U2's Bono in a new book, "Bono: In conversation with Michka Assayas":

Bono's dad (an ex-catholic who lost his faith): "It's a one way conversation... you seem to hear something back from the silence!"
Bono: "that's true, I do.... I hear it in some sort of instinctive way, I feel a response to a prayer, or I feel led in a direction. Or if I'm studying the Scriptures, they become alive in an odd way, and they make sense to the moment I'm in, they're no longer a historical document."


Seems to me that after you've decided to "take up your cross and follow" Jesus for a while, God turns up that ol' refining fire a few degrees. I think one of the descriptives for the greek word "trial" is "re-form". The more pliable, willing, and soft the clay, the easier it is to re-form I reckon. Just that "letting go" and trusting if you can't see all the details and answers just now, God does and that's all the answer we ever really needed anyway.
And with trials, human nature squirms and kicks and screams. Fire and re-forming aren't exactly the flesh's best ideas at achieving it's beloved controlable, explainable, relaxing, and comfortable environment.
And with trials comes doubts and fears and questioning and steps backwards/disengaging in my relationship with God typically. Now all the disengaging and doubts and searching mind you, are only on my end of things. I am the one running off, hiding in fear and confusion and hurt with my fig leaves- ashamed of nakedness all the sudden b/c I am no longer focused on His amazing face and on who God alone can tell me I am- beautiful and priceless.
I am the one stepping away in some way, both subconsciously and consciously perhaps. Even still, God's love is not swayed. Our Rock is our Rock. Period. And when He seems silent or different or like He's holding out on me or somethin...well, I'm finding it is me who has run away from Him in some way(s) and then yelling "where did you go, God?" as a reaction to hardship and adversity that He has allowed in the first place FOR MY OWN GOOD.
As it turns out, though- in the very hardship He designs and "works for good" in the end, He never leaves our side. Seems like a rotten sham on God's part if you ask me. You create these human things and allow pain in their lives to remind the self-centered, forgetful creatures that they need You, yet You know full-well that You will have to go through the trial, too. Because You promised to stay by their side through it ALL.

I'm thinkin Bono's on to something. When we run and hide, when I choose to think about anything more than my God and therefore worship it, when I choose fluffy and fake over the sometimes hard Truth, when I want answers and a clean-cut, explainable, black and white kinda god who is no God at all, well- it seems He is still there anyway. Waiting to make the Word breathe in and out and speak. Able to move and direct and nurture my tired, confused heart. Able to make even me hear His glorious silence.