Brain/Heart Haze

so it would seem that my head is improperly attached presently. seriously. it be bad. i forget i'm driving and just end up @ a destination, or decide it'd be more fruitful to look @ stars as i drive instead of the other innocent bystanders or local wildlife. (can i confess something here and now? i hit a puppie the other night when i was driving a van with some of the kiddos. seriously people. a puppie. oh man. i lost some tears on that one. i mean, i know, i know, every male i ever knew tells me to not swerve and just hit whatever comes your way on the road while operating a motor vehicle. but seriously guys, try telling the frog or cat or blue jay or puppie that, say, has been pancaked by sarah marie jensen on highway 124 on her way to work. off the subject, but thanks for listening to my confessions...)
i forget to do things @ work. i have never struggled so much with remembering major life details, much less small, mundane details. i forget entire conversations i apprently have had with others, etc.!
usually when i get this brain-fog it means that i need some new surroundings, new challenges, new everything but God so that i get back to focusing on just Him and to be reminded He's the Ultimate, the only thing that stays the same. this riding in the ruts and going through the motions is no good after a while.
i don't know where my thoughts are, scattered all over the place i suppose. in the greek, i know that peace = "to set @ one again" and i want to be back to that glorious place so bad. reckon that un-peace = thoughts are scattered all over the place. which = God is not getting the worship and focus in my life that His glory alone demands & deserves.
my heart feels tired and bewildered yet still has this lamp blazing in my soul somewhere, this spot of light and hope for that distant place where God already has been and will be with me once i am there- the future.

there's so many could be's and should be's. so many desires ready to just give up. to go crawl into some corner and be left alone to die.
when will my eyes see what my heart has whispered of and what God has authoritatively spoken of for so long?
when will this new, massive, God-given hole for a ministry partner/best bud/co-Word studier/laughing,stupid,goofy pal/leader/protector be in my life?
will i ever get some training or honest butt-kicking of technique with the singing/guitar thing for more than just random sessions around a campfire or alone with just me and God?
will i ever get to help lead a youth group and get to take them on overseas short-term trips so they can come back to america- their perspective forever changed? the answer to all these is, in perfect time.
i lay all this down and say burn it off me God if it's not of You.
"test me and know my anxious thoughts, see if there's anything in me short of everlasting and eternal" God.
let only what's rooted in You remain.