there have been moments, especially in the last 4 months of my life, that i have truly pondered the possiblility that i know very little of the authentic Gospel.
because if i truly, deeply knew and believed that this life-changing wonder of all wonders was true, it should no less than affect every moment of my every day.
litterally.
so, i wonder.
i wonder, if it's true that we live out what we believe to be true-- than how little or how much of the Gospel do i really believe...how much of the Gospel am i holding God's hand and re-enacting to the best of my ability, as He daily leads?
off and on for the better part of today, i've been chewing on a little somethin', somethin' i read last night in an outrageously great book i'm currently reading.
from "The Normal Christian Life" by Watchman Nee...
pgs. 62-67
"Romans 6.6- 'knowing this, that our old man was crucified with Him'.
the tense of this verb is most precious, for it puts the event right back there in the past. it is final, and once-for-all.
and it simply cannot be undone. our old man has been crucified once and forever, and he can never be un-crucified.
this is what we need to know.
then when we know this, what follows? look again at our passage. the next command is in verse 11:
'even so, reckon yourselves to be dead to sin.'
that is the order.
when we know our old man has been crucified with Christ, then the next step is to reckon it so.
unfortunately, in presenting the truth of our union with Christ, the emphasis has all too often been placed upon this second matter of reckoning ourselves to be dead, as though that were the starting point, whereas it should rather be upon knowing ourselves to be dead.
God's Word makes it clear that 'knowing' is to precede 'reckoning'.
'know this...reckon...'
this sequence is most important.
our reckoning MUST be based on knowledge of divinely revealed fact, for otherwise faith has no foundation on which to rest.
once we KNOW, then we RECKON naturally, spontaneously.
so, in teaching this matter, we musn't overemphasize 'reckoning'. people are always trying to reckon without knowing first.
they have not first had a Spirit-given revelation of the fact; yet they try to reckon and soon they get into all sorts of difficulties. when temptation comes they begin to reckon furiously. 'my old man is dead! my old man is dead! my old man is dead!' yet, in this very act of reckoning, they lose their temper. then they say, 'it doesn't work. romans 6.11 is no good.'
and we have to admit verse 11 is no good without verse 6.
the greek word 'reckoning' used in this verse means "accounting, bookkeeping"
this word is important.
you see, accounting is the only thing in the world we humans can do accurately.
an artist cannot paint a picture of the landscape totally perfectly.
a historian cannot vouch for perfect historical data.
but, you see, accounting is based on math that is always constant and remains forever the same.
because 1 + 1 will always = 2.
always.
why does God say we are to 'reckon ourselves dead'?
because we are dead.
lets return to the accounting analogy. suppose i have $15 dollars in my pocket.
what can i enter into my account book?
$14?
$16?
no, i MUST enter into my account book that, and only that which is, in fact, in my pocket- nothing more, nothing less.
accounting is the reckoning of facts, not fancies.
i cannot enter what i "feel" like...yet that is what many of us do when it comes to the realities of the Gospel according to God.
it is because i am dead that God tells me to account it so.
God has not and will not ask me to put down in my account book what is not real.
and reckoning is not a form of make-believe.
its not that i have $15 in my pocket and God is asking me to account that i have $20 through mind games...' i really have $20, i really have $20...'
no!
reckoning will not make $15 into $20 dollars.
nor will it make what is untrue, true.
God tells us to reckon ourselves dead, not that by the process of reckoning we may become dead, but because we ARE dead.
He never told us to reckon what was not fact..."
oh God, will You do it? in Your deep grace and mercy, will You show us again the countless wonders of Your Gospel?
would you mystify and astound us once more with Reality according to You?
will you make us of those who are banking on the promise that You are on Your way, and coming soon? will You make us of those who live this life as if the unseen and eternal truly are more real than anything our eyeballs can see or our hands can touch?
will You make us of those who are so unattached to the temporary things of this world, that we LONG inside for the redemption of this world, that we look for any and every occasion to bless, honor, serve and love...for Your glory. that You alone may receive Your due and just reward. and because we're banking on the fact that You've gone to prepare a place for us. a place of eternal rest, safety, love, hope, pleasure...and we want as many souls as possible to come with us.
Thursday, May 07, 2009
Sunday, May 03, 2009
good golly miss molly.
about a week ago i felt the Lord challenge me to be disciplined enough to spend at least an hour a day on music whenever at all possible.
i've been able to almost completely hold fast to this challenge for the last week or so...YESSSS!
parts of me are coming back to life...i honestly don't recall the last time i've been able to devote even a consistent 15 minutes a day to musical endeavors.
it's quite tasty to the ol' soul indeed.
tonite, He gave me a lil' diddy to write out of Isaiah 55--
" why do you do it, day after day
trudge through half numb, who told you to?
emptying your pockets & spilling out your soul
for all these things entirely impotent to save
chorus X2-
so come, free drinks - but only to them who know they thirst
come, buy & eat - but only for them who know they're beyond bankrupt
it's you He wants, only you He wants
it's you He wants, only you He forever wants
listen to me, come to me
i'll bind myself to you and never leave
i'll fill you up, 'til you can't seem to get enough
i'll satisfy & fill every aching abyss within
chorus X2-
my thoughts aren't your thoughts,
my ways, not your ways
look up, up into the heavens & know
you make this heart skip a beat
oh how you make my heart skip a beat..."
it's already been a deep, deep pleasure to get lost in music once more.
music is most assuredly something God has fashioned me to intensely value.
so here's a challenge...
to remember afresh today what it is you've been fashioned to deeply appreciate and value...and then to steward those things with all His energies.
daily.
for His glory.
about a week ago i felt the Lord challenge me to be disciplined enough to spend at least an hour a day on music whenever at all possible.
i've been able to almost completely hold fast to this challenge for the last week or so...YESSSS!
parts of me are coming back to life...i honestly don't recall the last time i've been able to devote even a consistent 15 minutes a day to musical endeavors.
it's quite tasty to the ol' soul indeed.
tonite, He gave me a lil' diddy to write out of Isaiah 55--
" why do you do it, day after day
trudge through half numb, who told you to?
emptying your pockets & spilling out your soul
for all these things entirely impotent to save
chorus X2-
so come, free drinks - but only to them who know they thirst
come, buy & eat - but only for them who know they're beyond bankrupt
it's you He wants, only you He wants
it's you He wants, only you He forever wants
listen to me, come to me
i'll bind myself to you and never leave
i'll fill you up, 'til you can't seem to get enough
i'll satisfy & fill every aching abyss within
chorus X2-
my thoughts aren't your thoughts,
my ways, not your ways
look up, up into the heavens & know
you make this heart skip a beat
oh how you make my heart skip a beat..."
it's already been a deep, deep pleasure to get lost in music once more.
music is most assuredly something God has fashioned me to intensely value.
so here's a challenge...
to remember afresh today what it is you've been fashioned to deeply appreciate and value...and then to steward those things with all His energies.
daily.
for His glory.
Friday, May 01, 2009
awake o sleeper.
luke 9.32 - "peter and his companions were very sleepy, but when they became fully awake, they saw his glory and the two men standing with him..."
revelation 16.15- "Behold, I come like a thief! Blessed is he who stays awake and keeps his clothes with him, so that he may not go naked and be shamefully exposed."
isaiah 52.1 - "awake, awake, O Zion, clothe yourself with strength. Put on your garments of splendor, O Jerusalem, the holy city."
for almost 3 years now, i have awoke many mornings with these words escaping my spirit through my mouth:
"More Lord, More."
they slip out completely apart from any cognitive command.
month, after month, after month.
and i believe with all my heart that it's been one of those deals where the Spirit inside me takes over and prays through me with no forethought of my own...
and just last week, He whispered to me "sarah, I have your heart, but not all of your thoughts...".
He's been kind & patient enough, especially in these last 4 months of being mobile, to take me through a rather extensive "renewing of the mind".
again.
trust me, He and i have walked through countless "mind renewals". turns out "renewing of the mind" isn't so much a "season" as it is a lifestyle.
so, anyway, this "More Lord, More" & this renewing of the mind, i believe with all i am are two huge longings of His heart right now-- for the Bride as a whole to be awakened & jolted out of her slumber, numbness and identity crisis enough to remember who she is meant to be- a Bride ALWAYS hungry, always CRAVING...somehow always satisfied, @ rest, content and @ peace in her Beloved...yet always jealous for MORE of Him!
it seems americanized christianity has far too covertly stripped true Christianity in our nation of Her beauty, simplicity, unity and purity. if it's the pure in heart who see God, it is one of my biggest prayers and desires to see God continually, and ever-increasingly, separate the chaff of our americanized chrsitiantiy from the wheat of pure Christ-cented Chrsitiantiy, in our hearts and minds.
and i believe He's doing it- He's revealing false mindsets...those "filters" and "defense mechanisms" those subconscious, even, ways of seeing Him, others & ourselves that affect ALL that we are, say, believe, treasure and do in this life on a moment by moment basis...
Lamb of God, get Your due and just rewards.
get the Bride You layed Your life down for.
the Bride You see, dream about, long for, daydream about, yearn for, and have anticipated since Creation for.
help us daily only "live up to what we have already attained" in You.
continually peel back the layers of the onion, the filters, the blinders that keep us from seeing you and being knocked off our feet by Your holiness.
reveal the distractions, busy-ness, movement, and noise that keep us from "being still enough to KNOW"...You REALLY ARE God and in charge.
may the eternal and unseen actually BE to us as they truly are- more REAL than the temporal and seen.
may all the "workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works which You planned ahead of time" truly, fully be fulfilled. daily.
get all Your glory through us Lord.
more Lord, more.
revelation 16.15- "Behold, I come like a thief! Blessed is he who stays awake and keeps his clothes with him, so that he may not go naked and be shamefully exposed."
isaiah 52.1 - "awake, awake, O Zion, clothe yourself with strength. Put on your garments of splendor, O Jerusalem, the holy city."
for almost 3 years now, i have awoke many mornings with these words escaping my spirit through my mouth:
"More Lord, More."
they slip out completely apart from any cognitive command.
month, after month, after month.
and i believe with all my heart that it's been one of those deals where the Spirit inside me takes over and prays through me with no forethought of my own...
and just last week, He whispered to me "sarah, I have your heart, but not all of your thoughts...".
He's been kind & patient enough, especially in these last 4 months of being mobile, to take me through a rather extensive "renewing of the mind".
again.
trust me, He and i have walked through countless "mind renewals". turns out "renewing of the mind" isn't so much a "season" as it is a lifestyle.
so, anyway, this "More Lord, More" & this renewing of the mind, i believe with all i am are two huge longings of His heart right now-- for the Bride as a whole to be awakened & jolted out of her slumber, numbness and identity crisis enough to remember who she is meant to be- a Bride ALWAYS hungry, always CRAVING...somehow always satisfied, @ rest, content and @ peace in her Beloved...yet always jealous for MORE of Him!
it seems americanized christianity has far too covertly stripped true Christianity in our nation of Her beauty, simplicity, unity and purity. if it's the pure in heart who see God, it is one of my biggest prayers and desires to see God continually, and ever-increasingly, separate the chaff of our americanized chrsitiantiy from the wheat of pure Christ-cented Chrsitiantiy, in our hearts and minds.
and i believe He's doing it- He's revealing false mindsets...those "filters" and "defense mechanisms" those subconscious, even, ways of seeing Him, others & ourselves that affect ALL that we are, say, believe, treasure and do in this life on a moment by moment basis...
Lamb of God, get Your due and just rewards.
get the Bride You layed Your life down for.
the Bride You see, dream about, long for, daydream about, yearn for, and have anticipated since Creation for.
help us daily only "live up to what we have already attained" in You.
continually peel back the layers of the onion, the filters, the blinders that keep us from seeing you and being knocked off our feet by Your holiness.
reveal the distractions, busy-ness, movement, and noise that keep us from "being still enough to KNOW"...You REALLY ARE God and in charge.
may the eternal and unseen actually BE to us as they truly are- more REAL than the temporal and seen.
may all the "workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works which You planned ahead of time" truly, fully be fulfilled. daily.
get all Your glory through us Lord.
more Lord, more.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
sunshine. conversations. growth.
wow.
this is gooood.
i havent written posts on this thing 2 days in a row, in like, 2 or 3 years-- yippe skippe!
a monumental event this is folks.
my ywam buddie lynn is crashing with me a couple nites this week whilest i reside in my aunts home in kc. we walked around the plaza today, taking in the perfectly blissful sun, coffee, warmth and humans.
one of these humans was an older gentleman by the name of bob.
bob approached us to ask about a curious sound he heard across the street-- what started out as a solitary question turned into a half-hour conversation on everything from planets & math to doing taxes to his struggle to believe God exists.
and as we were exchanging thoughts, perspectives and hearts with this gentleman, i asked God to simply help us see him how He sees him and asked if there was anything inparticular He'd like to say to him through us.
He spoke some things but then reminded me in His confident and to-the-point, yet gentle and loving way- to share what He put on my heart to share with this man and then to continue to pray but let go and trust Him for the follow through and continued pursuit of this man's life & heart.
then my thoughts went for a sunday drive and meandered for a bit...i got to telling God "but what if there's nobody else in his life who'll tell him about you? what of his heart & soul? what of the reality of eternity? who else will share the Salvation, Hope, Freedom & Love that You are to him and desire for him to walk in alongside You?..."
and He reminded me once more-
do what i ask of you child.
trust Me to do the rest.
if your soul ponders, aches and yearns for his eternity, how much moreso Mine?
so we wrapped up our conversation and lynn and i found a spot to read for a bit.
we took up where i last left off in Acts.
and this is what we stumbled upon:
Acts 26.27-29
" 'king agrippa, do you believe the prophets? i know that you believe.' and agrippa said to paul, 'in a short time you would pursuade me to be a Christian!' and paul said ' whether short or long, i would to God that not only you but also all who hear me this day might become just as i am- except for these chains' "
and God told me again-
"you see, paul threw his entire existence into sharing what He'd found in Me- but he put the ultimate results back upon My shoulders...'whether it takes a short time or long time, i ask God for you...'
1 Corinthians--3:1* "And I, brethren, could not speak unto you as unto spiritual, but as unto carnal, as unto babes in Christ.
2* I fed you with milk, not with meat; for you weren't yet able to bear it: no, not even now are you able;
3* for you are yet carnal: for there is among you jealousy and strife, are you not carnal, and do ye not walk after the manner of men?
4* For when one says, I am of Paul; and another, I am of Apollos; are you not men?
5*What then is Apollos? and what is Paul? Ministers through whom you believed; and each as the Lord gave to him.
6* I planted, Apollos watered; but God gave the increase.
7* So then neither is he that plants anything, neither he that waters; but it's God ALONE that gives the increase [enlarges, grows].
8* Now he that plants and he that waters are one: but each shall receive his own reward according to his own labor.
9* For we are God’s fellow-workers: you are God’s husbandry, God’s building."
it's the seed-planting, the committed/full of faith prayers & intercessions that require the most faith sometimes.
because it means looking to God's face and voice alone and being satisfied completely apart from seeing with our eyes, any sort of outcome in a man or woman's soul.
seems like a real smart system designed by a real smart God.
because it totally, completely and utterly makes a mockery of the idea that the salvation of souls is ultimately up to any of us.
turns out its about the steps of faith, holding His hand ruthlessly and never letting go.
turns out its about being married to Him and NOT to the outcomes of our acts of obedience...
this is gooood.
i havent written posts on this thing 2 days in a row, in like, 2 or 3 years-- yippe skippe!
a monumental event this is folks.
my ywam buddie lynn is crashing with me a couple nites this week whilest i reside in my aunts home in kc. we walked around the plaza today, taking in the perfectly blissful sun, coffee, warmth and humans.
one of these humans was an older gentleman by the name of bob.
bob approached us to ask about a curious sound he heard across the street-- what started out as a solitary question turned into a half-hour conversation on everything from planets & math to doing taxes to his struggle to believe God exists.
and as we were exchanging thoughts, perspectives and hearts with this gentleman, i asked God to simply help us see him how He sees him and asked if there was anything inparticular He'd like to say to him through us.
He spoke some things but then reminded me in His confident and to-the-point, yet gentle and loving way- to share what He put on my heart to share with this man and then to continue to pray but let go and trust Him for the follow through and continued pursuit of this man's life & heart.
then my thoughts went for a sunday drive and meandered for a bit...i got to telling God "but what if there's nobody else in his life who'll tell him about you? what of his heart & soul? what of the reality of eternity? who else will share the Salvation, Hope, Freedom & Love that You are to him and desire for him to walk in alongside You?..."
and He reminded me once more-
do what i ask of you child.
trust Me to do the rest.
if your soul ponders, aches and yearns for his eternity, how much moreso Mine?
so we wrapped up our conversation and lynn and i found a spot to read for a bit.
we took up where i last left off in Acts.
and this is what we stumbled upon:
Acts 26.27-29
" 'king agrippa, do you believe the prophets? i know that you believe.' and agrippa said to paul, 'in a short time you would pursuade me to be a Christian!' and paul said ' whether short or long, i would to God that not only you but also all who hear me this day might become just as i am- except for these chains' "
and God told me again-
"you see, paul threw his entire existence into sharing what He'd found in Me- but he put the ultimate results back upon My shoulders...'whether it takes a short time or long time, i ask God for you...'
1 Corinthians--3:1* "And I, brethren, could not speak unto you as unto spiritual, but as unto carnal, as unto babes in Christ.
2* I fed you with milk, not with meat; for you weren't yet able to bear it: no, not even now are you able;
3* for you are yet carnal: for there is among you jealousy and strife, are you not carnal, and do ye not walk after the manner of men?
4* For when one says, I am of Paul; and another, I am of Apollos; are you not men?
5*What then is Apollos? and what is Paul? Ministers through whom you believed; and each as the Lord gave to him.
6* I planted, Apollos watered; but God gave the increase.
7* So then neither is he that plants anything, neither he that waters; but it's God ALONE that gives the increase [enlarges, grows].
8* Now he that plants and he that waters are one: but each shall receive his own reward according to his own labor.
9* For we are God’s fellow-workers: you are God’s husbandry, God’s building."
it's the seed-planting, the committed/full of faith prayers & intercessions that require the most faith sometimes.
because it means looking to God's face and voice alone and being satisfied completely apart from seeing with our eyes, any sort of outcome in a man or woman's soul.
seems like a real smart system designed by a real smart God.
because it totally, completely and utterly makes a mockery of the idea that the salvation of souls is ultimately up to any of us.
turns out its about the steps of faith, holding His hand ruthlessly and never letting go.
turns out its about being married to Him and NOT to the outcomes of our acts of obedience...
Monday, April 27, 2009
the fog of unknowing.
well friends, since last i wrote the Lord has led me from madison, wisconsin to chicago; back to kansas city for a week or so; then to marion, indiana; then to lexington, kentucky; back to kansas city.
currently i'm oh so thankful to be spending a couple of weeks in kansas city with my sweet cousin ellen while my aunt has a couple weeks to rest in florida & then do some mission work in haiti.
i'm grateful for this time to be with, love, serve, and just plain ol' enjoy my family.
it's also provided some long-yearned-for time to work on music- writing/guitar/vocals/harmonica/piano.
for the last 5 years or so, it seems there's this nearly-never satisfied desire to work on the musical side of life...you know that feeling- the one where there's an ache and pull deep down to do something[s], but the noise, busy-ness and movement of the american lifestyle keeps you just at the threshold of actually acting on the ache...ick.
so i'm attempting to slow down my life enough [and be self-disciplined enough!] to work on music stuff for an hour or two a day whenever possible.
it's quite refreshing for the soul.
the Lord's also been good enough to lovingly kick my booty back into gear as far as being in His Word once again in a committed, disciplined way.
this time around without the false knowledge-hording lacking the desire to re-enact what i read immediately...now, well, lets just say there's a tenacity and craving and child-likeness that He's cultivating in this heart.
He's teaching me ever-more to, to the best of my ability, hold His hand, be guided by the ultimate Guide, taught by the ultimate Teacher, and walk through His Word with Him- then ask how to apply, that very same day, what i've just chewed on with Him.
so, as it turns out...God was quite right, as He always seems to be. :)
life at His side is a relentless Treasure Hunt.
and i may still yet find myself in a haze of unknowing in regards to what my next month or even what my next week may hold...but He is committed and true and oh so steady inside me.
and He is ever-weaning this soul inside my chest from the false hopes, fake peace and shallow thoughts that i have always found so natural, yet never really had an affinity for.
seems He's morphing many of my default-modes once again.
He is Freedom.
and Release.
all Hope is bound up in Him.
and all Peace has one Source alone.
i've got enough.
far more than enough for daily nourishment in Him.
currently i'm oh so thankful to be spending a couple of weeks in kansas city with my sweet cousin ellen while my aunt has a couple weeks to rest in florida & then do some mission work in haiti.
i'm grateful for this time to be with, love, serve, and just plain ol' enjoy my family.
it's also provided some long-yearned-for time to work on music- writing/guitar/vocals/harmonica/piano.
for the last 5 years or so, it seems there's this nearly-never satisfied desire to work on the musical side of life...you know that feeling- the one where there's an ache and pull deep down to do something[s], but the noise, busy-ness and movement of the american lifestyle keeps you just at the threshold of actually acting on the ache...ick.
so i'm attempting to slow down my life enough [and be self-disciplined enough!] to work on music stuff for an hour or two a day whenever possible.
it's quite refreshing for the soul.
the Lord's also been good enough to lovingly kick my booty back into gear as far as being in His Word once again in a committed, disciplined way.
this time around without the false knowledge-hording lacking the desire to re-enact what i read immediately...now, well, lets just say there's a tenacity and craving and child-likeness that He's cultivating in this heart.
He's teaching me ever-more to, to the best of my ability, hold His hand, be guided by the ultimate Guide, taught by the ultimate Teacher, and walk through His Word with Him- then ask how to apply, that very same day, what i've just chewed on with Him.
so, as it turns out...God was quite right, as He always seems to be. :)
life at His side is a relentless Treasure Hunt.
and i may still yet find myself in a haze of unknowing in regards to what my next month or even what my next week may hold...but He is committed and true and oh so steady inside me.
and He is ever-weaning this soul inside my chest from the false hopes, fake peace and shallow thoughts that i have always found so natural, yet never really had an affinity for.
seems He's morphing many of my default-modes once again.
He is Freedom.
and Release.
all Hope is bound up in Him.
and all Peace has one Source alone.
i've got enough.
far more than enough for daily nourishment in Him.
Sunday, March 08, 2009
stones of remembrance.
mel & i flew back into kansas city thursday night & stayed @ my lovely aunt paulette's place near k.c.
gosh, i love and enjoy her. and the rest of my family. so much. it was such a treat to get to see some of my family for an hour or so before hitting the road friday mornin with my dear friends mel & ryan.
we arrived into madison, wisconsin last night & will be staying here about 5 days or so.
it's been so encouraging and fun being here already.
the 3 of us had dinner with a really great key leader within ywam & his family tonight.
this man & his wife shared stories with us about their journey into God's heart for the college campuses of north america and the entire world.
gosh, it was encouraging to hear yet another person's story of how God's captured their heart for the very real, very massive mission field of campuses.
and we had much laughter and fun. that's for sure.
it was such a full time with God and with those who love Him so much...
and here i am, wide awake at 2:46am.
i awoke to the sound of drunken fraternity & sorority college students stuttering down the street outside my window.
louder, drunker, lonelier, and more hopeless than i'm sure any of them desire to be.
and the Lord brought to my mind a bit of my own story.
about this time almost 9 years ago i was rushing a sorority at the university of missouri;
looking for "my place", searching out who i was and what i had uniquely to offer amongst the other 25,000 students there...wanting something solid, steady, and lasting to set my foot on.
i never found it at the frat parties.
or in the good grades.
or possible post-college job opportunities.
so this morning, i awoke to a stone of remembrance that my good God set up for me here in this college town of madison, wisconsin.
and i do remember.
how He saved me. how He never did relent in chasing me, showing me Who He was--in the crowds, at the parties, in the classroom, in my dorm room.
He never did stop chasing me.
and i've also never forgotten how that girl kristi who used to be an atheist chased me with the Love of God that she had found, how she always wanted to meet with me for a meal or just laugh together or study the bible with a group of us.
i haven't forgotten.
i haven't forgotten how the love of God knows no other speed but all-in, unconditional, relentless speed.
and i so long to make my little life forever daily, moment-by-moment available to my God to pour out into anyone and everyone He deems fit, perhaps especially college students, all my Lord poured into me, and all that His Lovesick followers- like kristi- poured into me while i was a searching, lonely, lost freshman at the university of missouri those years ago.
God, use my life as a stone of remembrance to those who have yet discovered how delighted in they are by their Father.
gosh, i love and enjoy her. and the rest of my family. so much. it was such a treat to get to see some of my family for an hour or so before hitting the road friday mornin with my dear friends mel & ryan.
we arrived into madison, wisconsin last night & will be staying here about 5 days or so.
it's been so encouraging and fun being here already.
the 3 of us had dinner with a really great key leader within ywam & his family tonight.
this man & his wife shared stories with us about their journey into God's heart for the college campuses of north america and the entire world.
gosh, it was encouraging to hear yet another person's story of how God's captured their heart for the very real, very massive mission field of campuses.
and we had much laughter and fun. that's for sure.
it was such a full time with God and with those who love Him so much...
and here i am, wide awake at 2:46am.
i awoke to the sound of drunken fraternity & sorority college students stuttering down the street outside my window.
louder, drunker, lonelier, and more hopeless than i'm sure any of them desire to be.
and the Lord brought to my mind a bit of my own story.
about this time almost 9 years ago i was rushing a sorority at the university of missouri;
looking for "my place", searching out who i was and what i had uniquely to offer amongst the other 25,000 students there...wanting something solid, steady, and lasting to set my foot on.
i never found it at the frat parties.
or in the good grades.
or possible post-college job opportunities.
so this morning, i awoke to a stone of remembrance that my good God set up for me here in this college town of madison, wisconsin.
and i do remember.
how He saved me. how He never did relent in chasing me, showing me Who He was--in the crowds, at the parties, in the classroom, in my dorm room.
He never did stop chasing me.
and i've also never forgotten how that girl kristi who used to be an atheist chased me with the Love of God that she had found, how she always wanted to meet with me for a meal or just laugh together or study the bible with a group of us.
i haven't forgotten.
i haven't forgotten how the love of God knows no other speed but all-in, unconditional, relentless speed.
and i so long to make my little life forever daily, moment-by-moment available to my God to pour out into anyone and everyone He deems fit, perhaps especially college students, all my Lord poured into me, and all that His Lovesick followers- like kristi- poured into me while i was a searching, lonely, lost freshman at the university of missouri those years ago.
God, use my life as a stone of remembrance to those who have yet discovered how delighted in they are by their Father.
Sunday, March 01, 2009
some sun-time.
have had some much-adored time in the sun the last couple days here in florida.
mel & i have taken a few days to meet up with her wonderful parents for a little time away from the mobile life.
i took most of saturday and walked. for hours. and caught up with friends on the phone. and walked. and prayed. and walked. i must've walked like 10 miles...exploring the nearby city & nature trails, spending time on the beach, & people-watching. it was just nice. really, truly nice.
and i got to thinking about some things...
here's some excerpts from my journal entry a couple days ago:
"i am stirred today in repentance to ask You to forgive me for all the times i was not willing to fail. to try. to step out and risk. to stumble- but then get back up again. for the lovesick tenacity and child-like fearlessness and simple risking that i allowed to ebb away slowly over time. You deserve a Wife free, confident, secure enough to try Her best to hear and step out- free of fear, dread, and respect for the future. a Bride that fears and respects and loves You enough to GET UP and try. and GET UP and try. and GET UP again and try...
as my pops said earlier today, so often we try to skip steps in our maturity with God, but the reality is that ever-increasing maturity comes through humility. and oh-so-often real humility comes through trials and failings...
so may i never become protective of my reputation at the cost of forsaking my child-like enamor and preoccupation with my Father's eyes and words.
may i always embrace and fully acknowledge hardship, disappointment, and failings for what they are...a rare, eternal gift. indeed, may all these lead to ever-increasing child-like trust and dependency on God- which leads to Him having a much greater ability to be so strong and evident IN my weakness....let me embrace failure for what it is - a divine, stunning, beautiful, surprising path to success...GREAT success.
in Your eyes."
:)
mel & i have taken a few days to meet up with her wonderful parents for a little time away from the mobile life.
i took most of saturday and walked. for hours. and caught up with friends on the phone. and walked. and prayed. and walked. i must've walked like 10 miles...exploring the nearby city & nature trails, spending time on the beach, & people-watching. it was just nice. really, truly nice.
and i got to thinking about some things...
here's some excerpts from my journal entry a couple days ago:
"i am stirred today in repentance to ask You to forgive me for all the times i was not willing to fail. to try. to step out and risk. to stumble- but then get back up again. for the lovesick tenacity and child-like fearlessness and simple risking that i allowed to ebb away slowly over time. You deserve a Wife free, confident, secure enough to try Her best to hear and step out- free of fear, dread, and respect for the future. a Bride that fears and respects and loves You enough to GET UP and try. and GET UP and try. and GET UP again and try...
as my pops said earlier today, so often we try to skip steps in our maturity with God, but the reality is that ever-increasing maturity comes through humility. and oh-so-often real humility comes through trials and failings...
so may i never become protective of my reputation at the cost of forsaking my child-like enamor and preoccupation with my Father's eyes and words.
may i always embrace and fully acknowledge hardship, disappointment, and failings for what they are...a rare, eternal gift. indeed, may all these lead to ever-increasing child-like trust and dependency on God- which leads to Him having a much greater ability to be so strong and evident IN my weakness....let me embrace failure for what it is - a divine, stunning, beautiful, surprising path to success...GREAT success.
in Your eyes."
:)
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
to tempe we go...
[a few pictures for you from the george family's homestead in lindsay, california--
a. me holding the orange bag as mrs. george clips us some deee-licious oranges for mel & i to enjoy on the road!
b. the view from their back yard...i KNOW! stunning!
c. a hill i climbed--some of the greenest green and coolest boulders with snow-capped mountains in the far-off horizon.
d. our hostess for 2 days- the lovely mrs. george with mel & myself.]
i am at a starbucks in some city in southern california. i find myself sitting @ a little coffee table, the sun pouring in from a nearby window, hearing bits & pieces of 2 middle-aged men's conversation-- they are discussing God's goodness & psalm 110 together as ella fitzgerald music sings to us!
today mel & i are on our way to tempe, arizona--home of arizona state university to meet up with friends who live & worh there--to learn, encourage, & minister with them to whomever God may lead us to.
mel & i just spent two marvelous nights in lindsay, california @ the home of the george family.
this family is truly one of the most enjoyable, life-giving, creative families and marriages i have ever seen with my own peepers!
they live on an orange grove smack dab in the middle of california. yep.
i spent the better part of yesterday climbing a hill or two to overlook the gorgeous valley that they call home.
picture hawaii colors and plants with the backdrop of snowtopped swiss mountains off in the distance.
not sure i've been many places in my life that so dramatically whispered hints of Paradise...
last night we had the joy and honor of being a part of the 20-or-so member small group that the george's host @ their abode every tuesday evening.
the presence of God was so tangible & His prayers, love, and healing were indeed set loose!
we saw God @ work in a myriad of ways--His presence was visible in the individuals laying hands on & praying for freedom for a mom & her sweet handicapped daughter; a young woman creating a prophetic painting; others dancing, laughing, & crying.
God is SOO on the move in the lives of this community & we look forward to hearing the work He continues to do in their lives in the days to come...
it was just inexpressibly encouraging to have spent 10 days or so in redding, california @ bethel church where people from all around the globe come to hear/learn/see God so obviously on the move in that place; & then to have traveled south a few hours to the george's place in lindsey, california only to see the Presence of God just as near & real in this little community in the middle or nowhere as well.
as God's people continue to put feet to the head knowledge God has given us, this world will continue to be captured by God's affections and great purposes.
His Kingdom come.
His will done.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
in redding.
my journeying compadre mel & i leave redding, ca here in an hour or so; then it's on to tempe, arizona & the Arizona State University campus! EeeEk!
we've been here in redding about 10 days & it's been so rich, so full.
this community of Believers @ bethel church carry so much of the heart of God to see the Body of Christ walk in the fullness of Her identity as whole, healed, joyful, powerful, peaceful, world-changing kids of the King who bring His Kingdom down to this planet because they actually believe & live out what God says about them.
ya know, when i open up my bible and read books like Mark or Acts--it becomes very clear, very fast that the "normal" life with Christ is to see God perform healings, miracles, & deliverances through His people on this earth.
THAT'S normal.
according to God.
and seeing other brothers & sisters walking with God in a constant state of awareness of His presence & peace; of living a LIFESTYLE of the miraculous in daily life, has of course stirred the soil of my heart enough to lead me to evaluate the places inside myself that have been ravished by the apathy, excuse, complacency, & cowering that i've allowed to come in. i live a life at times that, i am ashamed to say, is so easily distracted that i fail to remember my great desperation and soul-craving for this God Who is much more strong, beautiful, brave & creative than anything i can find on this planet or within myself.
we've had the sheer joy of hearing story... after story... after story of His desires coming down to this earth--of His Kingdom crashing into the lives of individuals & entire communities. and as mel & i have been traveling around the past 6 weeks or so, it's apparent- there's indeed an awakening stirring all over this nation. the Bride is getting back up once more, looking her Husband-God in the face and remembering who He is & who He says She is.
He is worthy of no less.
God is on the move. always. forever.
and may no temporary, shallow distraction or any false pleasure or vain escape keep us from seeing Him as He is and offering all of Him & His love to this world all around us.
do you know it? that God LIVES in you?
can you feel it? can you feel Jesus wanting out of you to touch this world and every individual it contains that His heart so longs for?
we've been here in redding about 10 days & it's been so rich, so full.
this community of Believers @ bethel church carry so much of the heart of God to see the Body of Christ walk in the fullness of Her identity as whole, healed, joyful, powerful, peaceful, world-changing kids of the King who bring His Kingdom down to this planet because they actually believe & live out what God says about them.
ya know, when i open up my bible and read books like Mark or Acts--it becomes very clear, very fast that the "normal" life with Christ is to see God perform healings, miracles, & deliverances through His people on this earth.
THAT'S normal.
according to God.
and seeing other brothers & sisters walking with God in a constant state of awareness of His presence & peace; of living a LIFESTYLE of the miraculous in daily life, has of course stirred the soil of my heart enough to lead me to evaluate the places inside myself that have been ravished by the apathy, excuse, complacency, & cowering that i've allowed to come in. i live a life at times that, i am ashamed to say, is so easily distracted that i fail to remember my great desperation and soul-craving for this God Who is much more strong, beautiful, brave & creative than anything i can find on this planet or within myself.
we've had the sheer joy of hearing story... after story... after story of His desires coming down to this earth--of His Kingdom crashing into the lives of individuals & entire communities. and as mel & i have been traveling around the past 6 weeks or so, it's apparent- there's indeed an awakening stirring all over this nation. the Bride is getting back up once more, looking her Husband-God in the face and remembering who He is & who He says She is.
He is worthy of no less.
God is on the move. always. forever.
and may no temporary, shallow distraction or any false pleasure or vain escape keep us from seeing Him as He is and offering all of Him & His love to this world all around us.
do you know it? that God LIVES in you?
can you feel it? can you feel Jesus wanting out of you to touch this world and every individual it contains that His heart so longs for?
Friday, February 13, 2009
sooo...hmmm...i haven't been super-committed to this blog thing-but that's changing!
yowzers friends,
apparently it's been 2 years since i last visited this little blog here.
and boy has it been 2 years stuffed full of the goodness of God.
i have found myself in places, with people, doing things i never bothered conjuring up or dreaming about on my own.
God is a treasure-revealing, surprising, fun, GOOD God.
i so look forward to sharing a bit of my life with you on this blog once again in the days to come...
until then, enjoy some of my old thoughts in blog-form--some of which are up to 3 years old! my o my it's cool/weird to see how active God's been in my life--He's always carrying on His work in each of us, isn't He?
bless you today friends!
apparently it's been 2 years since i last visited this little blog here.
and boy has it been 2 years stuffed full of the goodness of God.
i have found myself in places, with people, doing things i never bothered conjuring up or dreaming about on my own.
God is a treasure-revealing, surprising, fun, GOOD God.
i so look forward to sharing a bit of my life with you on this blog once again in the days to come...
until then, enjoy some of my old thoughts in blog-form--some of which are up to 3 years old! my o my it's cool/weird to see how active God's been in my life--He's always carrying on His work in each of us, isn't He?
bless you today friends!
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
one of the handfull of books currently occupying my time is andrew murray's "school of obedience". it's a grand piece of work on God's heart cry for our motivation in obeying Him. LOVE LOVE LOVE. true, connected, living, breathing relationship.
obeying God's commands and pleas for things such as deeply trusting Him with the plans of our lives, finances, friendships and family, sexual purity/waiting in faith for a spouse, a disciplined thought and prayer life, truly loving all deeply and from the heart, sacrifice, determined focus on Him and the eternal, etc. etc. etc. and to trust and obey in all these and much, much more with your heart and not just a dry, cold, logical head thing.
anyway, in the portion i took in last night, he writes:
" the life of obedience is impossible without the continual fellowship and continual teaching of our Father (John 10:17-18, Heb. 5:8). Only when His continual presence as the Eternal and Ever-Present One is believed and received, just as The Son of Man believed and received it, there is hope in obeying such commands as 'taking every thought captive', 'pray continually', 'be joful always', to hope, etc... the expression 'obey the commandments' is very seldom used in Scripture; it is almost always, 'obeying Me' or obeying or harkening to 'My voice'. with the commander of an army, the teacher of a school, the father of a family, it is not the code of laws, however clear and good, with its rewards or threats, that secures TRUE obedience; it is the personal living influence wakening love and enthusiasm. it is the joy of even getting to hear the Father's voice that will give the joy and strength necessary for anyone to truly obey, from the heart. it is the voice that gives power to obey the Word; the Word without the LIVING voice does not avail anything..."
ya know, as i read this immediately i had in my heart this bold, stark contrast of the foster kids i have worked with vs. loved, nurtured, confident biological kids. these past couple years has flat-out proven this point to me in a huge, huge way. i see it in foster kids over and over again: they either tend to obey their present parent figures or adults out of a legalistic, false, and shallow motivation to get approval and fill up massive voids that can never be filled by such means, or they just altogther ignore and despise the authority figure of the present moment because they have no respect, love, deep heart connection or genuine enthusiasm to comply with the requests of yet another adult whom the child assumes will just up and leave them, like all the countless others have.
and as i read that it broke my heart. because i realize how often i live like an unanchored, swaying, insecure foster kid of God's and not in light of my one and only TRUE 100% of the time identity ... HIS.
obeying God's commands and pleas for things such as deeply trusting Him with the plans of our lives, finances, friendships and family, sexual purity/waiting in faith for a spouse, a disciplined thought and prayer life, truly loving all deeply and from the heart, sacrifice, determined focus on Him and the eternal, etc. etc. etc. and to trust and obey in all these and much, much more with your heart and not just a dry, cold, logical head thing.
anyway, in the portion i took in last night, he writes:
" the life of obedience is impossible without the continual fellowship and continual teaching of our Father (John 10:17-18, Heb. 5:8). Only when His continual presence as the Eternal and Ever-Present One is believed and received, just as The Son of Man believed and received it, there is hope in obeying such commands as 'taking every thought captive', 'pray continually', 'be joful always', to hope, etc... the expression 'obey the commandments' is very seldom used in Scripture; it is almost always, 'obeying Me' or obeying or harkening to 'My voice'. with the commander of an army, the teacher of a school, the father of a family, it is not the code of laws, however clear and good, with its rewards or threats, that secures TRUE obedience; it is the personal living influence wakening love and enthusiasm. it is the joy of even getting to hear the Father's voice that will give the joy and strength necessary for anyone to truly obey, from the heart. it is the voice that gives power to obey the Word; the Word without the LIVING voice does not avail anything..."
ya know, as i read this immediately i had in my heart this bold, stark contrast of the foster kids i have worked with vs. loved, nurtured, confident biological kids. these past couple years has flat-out proven this point to me in a huge, huge way. i see it in foster kids over and over again: they either tend to obey their present parent figures or adults out of a legalistic, false, and shallow motivation to get approval and fill up massive voids that can never be filled by such means, or they just altogther ignore and despise the authority figure of the present moment because they have no respect, love, deep heart connection or genuine enthusiasm to comply with the requests of yet another adult whom the child assumes will just up and leave them, like all the countless others have.
and as i read that it broke my heart. because i realize how often i live like an unanchored, swaying, insecure foster kid of God's and not in light of my one and only TRUE 100% of the time identity ... HIS.
Monday, March 05, 2007
The last 3 days have been nothing short of breakthrough.
God has graciously drenched me in revelation, repentence and restoration. I have found myself almost transported from the temporary things of this world to the eternal and everlasting things of the True Reality to come.
This switching over to what's lasting has in turn caused my heart to yearn and crave only one thing: More of my God's heart.
More of His emotions and personality, more passion for what He's passionate about.
More admittance that whatever things I have craved in the past or find myself currently craving- no matter- they are all just some slight shadow of the Greatness to come; a tiny peephole look at a much more massive Craving and Desire.
I find myself no longer striving as much for even the very "good" things like faith to see my God-given heart's dreams come to pass or even the joys of seeing the plans He has for my life...I am utterly burned up and consumed with an enormous hunger to just catch more views of Him as He is. Everything but getting to know Him and living out the life that He alone dreamed up for me seems so small and pale.
My heart has been screaming and moaning for Home these last few days in a way it perhaps never has. Not a one of us has any idea how long He will delay His return. None of us knows how many more hours or days He will bless us with. How long until we lay aside all our short-sighted wants and pick up a consuming passion for the eternal needs of men's souls? how long until we truly consume ourselves with His heart and His Kingdom and entrust Him with the very thing His honest, always trustworhty heart vowed to us, that "all else will be given to you from Me if you set all you got on Me and My plans and strategies" ?
How long?
When will His Bride hold her Husband's hand and heart in one hand and her God-given authority and sword in the other and fully engage in this battle for men's souls?
How long?
God has graciously drenched me in revelation, repentence and restoration. I have found myself almost transported from the temporary things of this world to the eternal and everlasting things of the True Reality to come.
This switching over to what's lasting has in turn caused my heart to yearn and crave only one thing: More of my God's heart.
More of His emotions and personality, more passion for what He's passionate about.
More admittance that whatever things I have craved in the past or find myself currently craving- no matter- they are all just some slight shadow of the Greatness to come; a tiny peephole look at a much more massive Craving and Desire.
I find myself no longer striving as much for even the very "good" things like faith to see my God-given heart's dreams come to pass or even the joys of seeing the plans He has for my life...I am utterly burned up and consumed with an enormous hunger to just catch more views of Him as He is. Everything but getting to know Him and living out the life that He alone dreamed up for me seems so small and pale.
My heart has been screaming and moaning for Home these last few days in a way it perhaps never has. Not a one of us has any idea how long He will delay His return. None of us knows how many more hours or days He will bless us with. How long until we lay aside all our short-sighted wants and pick up a consuming passion for the eternal needs of men's souls? how long until we truly consume ourselves with His heart and His Kingdom and entrust Him with the very thing His honest, always trustworhty heart vowed to us, that "all else will be given to you from Me if you set all you got on Me and My plans and strategies" ?
How long?
When will His Bride hold her Husband's hand and heart in one hand and her God-given authority and sword in the other and fully engage in this battle for men's souls?
How long?
Thursday, February 22, 2007
I'm going to be honest here.
I'm not at all sure really how I can be more confident and grounded in regards to my dreams for the future, how they can be brighter and louder than ever yet shrouded in this fog of confusion and obscurity, all at once. But, alas, this is where I find myself presently. No matter how varied the circumstances I have found myself in the past year or so have been, they all seem to shout one foundational thing -
"Sarah! Come! Taste! See! Your God is enough for you. He wants to be IT. He wants to prove to you that you can be unsure about a hundred and one things so long as you're sure of One Thing. He's insane about you. And He wants to prove His love, affection, approval, ecstatic joy, daddy-heart, mother-heart, adventurer heart, outlandish provision, and reveal His mysteries. Come! Stay in this yoke alongside Him alone, it's easy with Him, so easy..."
I am praying about returning to YWAM for the School Of Evangelism that starts April 1st. I am stirred deeply every time I go and hang out there. God is about to pour out some big time stuff on that particular chunk of Christ's Body. And I want to be there for it. Desperately. With every prophetic utterance and every heart-shaking, I am pumped up beyond compare to experience what our King is about to do in response to His kids' prayers for awakening in this nation. And in this world.
It's gonna be good, brothers and sisters.
Here's an excerpt from Oswald Chambers' devotional. Enjoy.
THE DISCIPLINE OF SPIRITUAL TENACITY
"Be still, and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10
Tenacity is more than endurance, it is endurance combined with the absolute certainty that what we are looking for is going to transpire. Tenacity is more than hanging on, which may be but the weakness of being too afraid to fall off. Tenacity is the supreme effort of a man refusing to believe that his hero is going to be conquered. The greatest fear a man has is not that he will be damned, but that Jesus Christ will be worsted, that the things He stood for - love and justice and forgiveness and kindness among men - will not win out in the end; the things He stands for look like will-o'-the-wisps. Then comes the call to spiritual tenacity, not to hang on and do nothing, but to work deliberately on the certainty that God is not going to be worsted.
If our hopes are being disappointed just now, it means that they are being purified. There is nothing noble the human mind has ever hoped for or dreamed of that will not be fulfilled. One of the greatest strains in life is the strain of waiting for God. "Because thou hast kept the word of my patience."
Remain spiritually tenacious.
I'm not at all sure really how I can be more confident and grounded in regards to my dreams for the future, how they can be brighter and louder than ever yet shrouded in this fog of confusion and obscurity, all at once. But, alas, this is where I find myself presently. No matter how varied the circumstances I have found myself in the past year or so have been, they all seem to shout one foundational thing -
"Sarah! Come! Taste! See! Your God is enough for you. He wants to be IT. He wants to prove to you that you can be unsure about a hundred and one things so long as you're sure of One Thing. He's insane about you. And He wants to prove His love, affection, approval, ecstatic joy, daddy-heart, mother-heart, adventurer heart, outlandish provision, and reveal His mysteries. Come! Stay in this yoke alongside Him alone, it's easy with Him, so easy..."
I am praying about returning to YWAM for the School Of Evangelism that starts April 1st. I am stirred deeply every time I go and hang out there. God is about to pour out some big time stuff on that particular chunk of Christ's Body. And I want to be there for it. Desperately. With every prophetic utterance and every heart-shaking, I am pumped up beyond compare to experience what our King is about to do in response to His kids' prayers for awakening in this nation. And in this world.
It's gonna be good, brothers and sisters.
Here's an excerpt from Oswald Chambers' devotional. Enjoy.
THE DISCIPLINE OF SPIRITUAL TENACITY
"Be still, and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10
Tenacity is more than endurance, it is endurance combined with the absolute certainty that what we are looking for is going to transpire. Tenacity is more than hanging on, which may be but the weakness of being too afraid to fall off. Tenacity is the supreme effort of a man refusing to believe that his hero is going to be conquered. The greatest fear a man has is not that he will be damned, but that Jesus Christ will be worsted, that the things He stood for - love and justice and forgiveness and kindness among men - will not win out in the end; the things He stands for look like will-o'-the-wisps. Then comes the call to spiritual tenacity, not to hang on and do nothing, but to work deliberately on the certainty that God is not going to be worsted.
If our hopes are being disappointed just now, it means that they are being purified. There is nothing noble the human mind has ever hoped for or dreamed of that will not be fulfilled. One of the greatest strains in life is the strain of waiting for God. "Because thou hast kept the word of my patience."
Remain spiritually tenacious.
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Hello friends,
I truly apologize for taking almost a month to post an update on here. God has been so very active and near. I can't wait to at least attempt to share with you even a portion of what He's been showing me.
I've been officially working at the home for abused/neglected children near the Texas YWAM base for about a month now. It's been very surreal @ times because it's so similar to the place I worked at before God asked me to come with Him down to Texas and do the crazy YWAM gig about a year ago.
God has used this season to temporarily pull me out of the amazing YWAM/community living to be alone with just Him a little more regularly. And it has proved to be very eye-opening. I am constantly ever-increasingly aware of just how much I base who I am, my worth, my feeling of accomplishment, etc. on man's feedback instead of solely on what God's eyes alone can reflect back and tell me. I am learning daily just how important it is for me to look to God and the many things He daily speaks to me, those profund internal things that flow from the Spirit living inside me instead of the external things... all the things man and this world tell us. He's been clearing away confusion, fogginess, and short-sightedness. He's also moved me to fast from many different types of lessar comforts and pleasures; I have a more clear understanding of fasting than I have ever had in my life.
Here's the down low- human beings operate out of pleasure. No matter what we do, we decide to pursue it because it, in some form or another, brings us pleasure. For example, even if isolated monks in Tibet decide to sleep on a bed of nails in order to self-impose pain, they have done this because they want to deny their flesh and physical body...they believe they are giving pleasure to their minds or souls because they believe that by denying their physical body they are closer to a higher power, etc.
The thing is, when we willingly lay down pleasures for the sake of our God we are, in essence, proclaiming with our lives (hence, the power the Word discuses of combining our faith with action) that we believe that God tastes better than anything and are willing, at any cost, to put a stop to one pleasure so we are better capable to experience another, deeper, more profound pleasure. In the same way, when we willingly shut off for a time the accolades, attention, or advice of humans through fasting from email or phone, etc. or when we abstain from food in order to more accutely sense our need for the true Bread of Life, etc. , we are living out the Psalmist's declaration in Psalm 73-
"Who do I have in Heaven but You? And Earth has nothing I desire besides You. My flesh and my heart may fail, but You are the strength of my heart, my portion, enough for me...forever."
Please continue to pray for God's divine will to have its way fully in my life daily. This is truly my deepest desire, save knowing my God better each and every day. I long for a mind that is truly ALWAYS fixed on, set on, and obsessed with Him alone. (Col. 3, Heb. 12, 2 Cor. 5) I am not sure if He desires for me to return to YWAM in April. Please pray that I know without a doubt. I do know that I desperately long to get involved once more with the 24/7 Prayer movement and to work with older youth (middle & high school and college age) leading small groups and bible studies, etc.
Anyway, I am soaking up this current season as I long to let God continue to truly free me of ways I have been conformed to this decaying world and to also fully allow Him to fill up those spaces with Himself, the eternal, the truly valuable; while also anticipating with much joy and hope the season to come!
May our God bless each of you with fresh and incredible revelation of Himself as He truly is, moderation in all things, and the joy and peace that He alone gives.
I truly apologize for taking almost a month to post an update on here. God has been so very active and near. I can't wait to at least attempt to share with you even a portion of what He's been showing me.
I've been officially working at the home for abused/neglected children near the Texas YWAM base for about a month now. It's been very surreal @ times because it's so similar to the place I worked at before God asked me to come with Him down to Texas and do the crazy YWAM gig about a year ago.
God has used this season to temporarily pull me out of the amazing YWAM/community living to be alone with just Him a little more regularly. And it has proved to be very eye-opening. I am constantly ever-increasingly aware of just how much I base who I am, my worth, my feeling of accomplishment, etc. on man's feedback instead of solely on what God's eyes alone can reflect back and tell me. I am learning daily just how important it is for me to look to God and the many things He daily speaks to me, those profund internal things that flow from the Spirit living inside me instead of the external things... all the things man and this world tell us. He's been clearing away confusion, fogginess, and short-sightedness. He's also moved me to fast from many different types of lessar comforts and pleasures; I have a more clear understanding of fasting than I have ever had in my life.
Here's the down low- human beings operate out of pleasure. No matter what we do, we decide to pursue it because it, in some form or another, brings us pleasure. For example, even if isolated monks in Tibet decide to sleep on a bed of nails in order to self-impose pain, they have done this because they want to deny their flesh and physical body...they believe they are giving pleasure to their minds or souls because they believe that by denying their physical body they are closer to a higher power, etc.
The thing is, when we willingly lay down pleasures for the sake of our God we are, in essence, proclaiming with our lives (hence, the power the Word discuses of combining our faith with action) that we believe that God tastes better than anything and are willing, at any cost, to put a stop to one pleasure so we are better capable to experience another, deeper, more profound pleasure. In the same way, when we willingly shut off for a time the accolades, attention, or advice of humans through fasting from email or phone, etc. or when we abstain from food in order to more accutely sense our need for the true Bread of Life, etc. , we are living out the Psalmist's declaration in Psalm 73-
"Who do I have in Heaven but You? And Earth has nothing I desire besides You. My flesh and my heart may fail, but You are the strength of my heart, my portion, enough for me...forever."
Please continue to pray for God's divine will to have its way fully in my life daily. This is truly my deepest desire, save knowing my God better each and every day. I long for a mind that is truly ALWAYS fixed on, set on, and obsessed with Him alone. (Col. 3, Heb. 12, 2 Cor. 5) I am not sure if He desires for me to return to YWAM in April. Please pray that I know without a doubt. I do know that I desperately long to get involved once more with the 24/7 Prayer movement and to work with older youth (middle & high school and college age) leading small groups and bible studies, etc.
Anyway, I am soaking up this current season as I long to let God continue to truly free me of ways I have been conformed to this decaying world and to also fully allow Him to fill up those spaces with Himself, the eternal, the truly valuable; while also anticipating with much joy and hope the season to come!
May our God bless each of you with fresh and incredible revelation of Himself as He truly is, moderation in all things, and the joy and peace that He alone gives.
Thursday, January 18, 2007
Fresh Outpourings
Well, as always God has shown up and done marvelous things.
I love that He keeps insisting on me stepping out for Him on things when I honestly can't see much but Him; I love that He keeps at it with me as the Faithful Teacher, ever patient and loving as I daily learn to trust Him just a tad more.
I felt the gentle prodding to come back down here to Texas with virtually nothing in the way of plans- where to sleep, eat, work, etc...ya know the basic life survival stuff. Anyway, on a long shot I called a children's home really close to base that's wonderfully similar to where God had me before He called me out into the great missionary/vagabond lifestyle. And they offered me my own small apartment and a job, knowing that I am still raising support money to possibly attend YWAM again in just a handful of months. It's one of those one-in-a-million God gazing down on me and grinning as I look back up at Him in a stunned daze because of how insanely perfect the whole dang setup is!
I am still praying about attending the second and final YWAM ministry training school which will begin in April. I will continue to seek God on the big-picture plans He desires for my life and to get the necessary prayer back-up and money, etc. to do so.
He's been really great lately in showing me who I uniquely am at a greater extent. I look forward to "finding my place in this world" more and more specifically all the time.
He's also been very patient in showing me the "discipline of remembrance". This amazing art of being faithful to Him in looking back on my life daily to remind myself of all the times He's loved on me, provided my everything, being all that's wholesome and good, stuck it out with me-good times and challenging times, and just been that one Constant that we all truly need when it comes down to the line but also in the end to remember how in love with Him I am... and only because He's FAR more in love with me. To "obey Him because I love Him"- not to categorize or prioritize my acts of obedience, but to consider every last one of them as deep, satisfying, exciting and purely reasonable, really- acts of love towards my All in All.
What a joy. What an honor. What a life-giving delight to give and pour out with gusto unto Him as a sacrifice of praise that flows from a heart that's simply lovesick for Him. And to fully trust that He'll provide our wants and needs if we focus on meeting His and others' that surround us daily.
I love that He keeps insisting on me stepping out for Him on things when I honestly can't see much but Him; I love that He keeps at it with me as the Faithful Teacher, ever patient and loving as I daily learn to trust Him just a tad more.
I felt the gentle prodding to come back down here to Texas with virtually nothing in the way of plans- where to sleep, eat, work, etc...ya know the basic life survival stuff. Anyway, on a long shot I called a children's home really close to base that's wonderfully similar to where God had me before He called me out into the great missionary/vagabond lifestyle. And they offered me my own small apartment and a job, knowing that I am still raising support money to possibly attend YWAM again in just a handful of months. It's one of those one-in-a-million God gazing down on me and grinning as I look back up at Him in a stunned daze because of how insanely perfect the whole dang setup is!
I am still praying about attending the second and final YWAM ministry training school which will begin in April. I will continue to seek God on the big-picture plans He desires for my life and to get the necessary prayer back-up and money, etc. to do so.
He's been really great lately in showing me who I uniquely am at a greater extent. I look forward to "finding my place in this world" more and more specifically all the time.
He's also been very patient in showing me the "discipline of remembrance". This amazing art of being faithful to Him in looking back on my life daily to remind myself of all the times He's loved on me, provided my everything, being all that's wholesome and good, stuck it out with me-good times and challenging times, and just been that one Constant that we all truly need when it comes down to the line but also in the end to remember how in love with Him I am... and only because He's FAR more in love with me. To "obey Him because I love Him"- not to categorize or prioritize my acts of obedience, but to consider every last one of them as deep, satisfying, exciting and purely reasonable, really- acts of love towards my All in All.
What a joy. What an honor. What a life-giving delight to give and pour out with gusto unto Him as a sacrifice of praise that flows from a heart that's simply lovesick for Him. And to fully trust that He'll provide our wants and needs if we focus on meeting His and others' that surround us daily.
Thursday, January 04, 2007
On the Road Again
Well friends, the time has arrived to re-locate once again.
I'll be roadtripping back down to Texas bright & early tomorrow morning with a friend. I honestly am not sure what God has planned to have me do, but I can rest knowing He does indeed have a plan- even when I can't see it presently.
Your prayers for clarification of vision, direction, rest/joy/focus on Him, and the necessary nuts & bolts stuff of money for ministry, etc. would be immensely appreciated!
I'll be roadtripping back down to Texas bright & early tomorrow morning with a friend. I honestly am not sure what God has planned to have me do, but I can rest knowing He does indeed have a plan- even when I can't see it presently.
Your prayers for clarification of vision, direction, rest/joy/focus on Him, and the necessary nuts & bolts stuff of money for ministry, etc. would be immensely appreciated!
Thursday, December 07, 2006
"Be joyful always. Pray Continually. Give thanks in all circumstances for this is God's will for you in Christ."
- 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
Yeah, so...just so ya know-
the greek that's used for "pray continually" in this passage = Come To Rest.
Whoa mama. That's a pretty heavy command our wonderful God gives. This idea that prayer is not some tedious chore to accomplish so much as it is coming to just be and relax and rest in His arms. Relationship, love, companionship, enjoyment of one another.
This is quite a glimpse of our Maker's heart. He has made us creatures, objects of His longing, that must be constantly reliant on Him, ever-resting in His approval, enjoyment, and acceptence.
Fight for it, wait and be still until this is your deepest reality and truth. Rest in Him continually, without end, unceasingly. It will no less than alter your whole exisitence.
- 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
Yeah, so...just so ya know-
the greek that's used for "pray continually" in this passage = Come To Rest.
Whoa mama. That's a pretty heavy command our wonderful God gives. This idea that prayer is not some tedious chore to accomplish so much as it is coming to just be and relax and rest in His arms. Relationship, love, companionship, enjoyment of one another.
This is quite a glimpse of our Maker's heart. He has made us creatures, objects of His longing, that must be constantly reliant on Him, ever-resting in His approval, enjoyment, and acceptence.
Fight for it, wait and be still until this is your deepest reality and truth. Rest in Him continually, without end, unceasingly. It will no less than alter your whole exisitence.
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Our War
Ephesians 6- "God is strong, and he wants you strong. So take everything the Master has set out for you, well-made weapons of the best materials. And put them to use so you will be able to stand up to everything the Devil throws your way. This is no afternoon athletic contest that we'll walk away from and forget about in a couple of hours. This is for keeps, a life-or-death fight to the finish against the Devil and all his angels. Be prepared. You're up against far more than you can handle on your own. Take all the help you can get, every weapon God has issued, so that when it's all over but the shouting you'll still be on your feet. Truth, righteousness, peace, faith, and salvation are more than words. Learn how to apply them. You'll need them throughout your life. God's Word is an indispensable offensive weapon against the enemy, always effective, always doing much harm. In the same way, prayer is essential in this constant battle. Pray hard and long. Pray for your brothers and sisters. Keep your eyes open. Keep each other's spirits up so that no one falls behind or drops out. "
I pray God teach of us to always be available, believing & expectant soldiers in prayer without being overwhelmed and heavy-laden at the size of the battles that do and will continue to ensue without end until His return. May we press in with love, faith, power, & anticipation, grabbing hold of no more and no less than the specific prayer assignments apportioned to each of us, one day @ a time. I pray He teach us to always stay in line with His battle plans alone and forsake the seemingly well-laid plans of flesh & blood. May we never be too numb or too occupied and busied to feel the gentle tug of the Spirit inviting us to war in the unseen- laboring with no less than our Messiah's strength; while never too proud or self-focused to forget that striving in our lifeless fleshly power is of no worth whatsoever & that not a one of us is a lone soldier on this battlefield but a uniquely valuable member of a vast, arising, raging, lovesick army. And praise Him without end that it's not about us. We are not at the center of this epic... and for that my soul can truly breathe a deep sigh of gratitude & relief.
May our spirits be always full of hope, pointed heavenward toward our one true Home.
May we ever be true to Your Word- not for our own form of godliness' sake, but solely for love's sake.
May our mouths be always full of laughter- of drunken, giddy, thankful praise.
May our bodies ever be vessels pure, free & honoring to Thee.
May our minds be stayed on Thee & from this world's rusting, moth-eaten "delights", free.
"A heart without words is of far more value than words without heart"
- John Bunyun
I pray God teach of us to always be available, believing & expectant soldiers in prayer without being overwhelmed and heavy-laden at the size of the battles that do and will continue to ensue without end until His return. May we press in with love, faith, power, & anticipation, grabbing hold of no more and no less than the specific prayer assignments apportioned to each of us, one day @ a time. I pray He teach us to always stay in line with His battle plans alone and forsake the seemingly well-laid plans of flesh & blood. May we never be too numb or too occupied and busied to feel the gentle tug of the Spirit inviting us to war in the unseen- laboring with no less than our Messiah's strength; while never too proud or self-focused to forget that striving in our lifeless fleshly power is of no worth whatsoever & that not a one of us is a lone soldier on this battlefield but a uniquely valuable member of a vast, arising, raging, lovesick army. And praise Him without end that it's not about us. We are not at the center of this epic... and for that my soul can truly breathe a deep sigh of gratitude & relief.
May our spirits be always full of hope, pointed heavenward toward our one true Home.
May we ever be true to Your Word- not for our own form of godliness' sake, but solely for love's sake.
May our mouths be always full of laughter- of drunken, giddy, thankful praise.
May our bodies ever be vessels pure, free & honoring to Thee.
May our minds be stayed on Thee & from this world's rusting, moth-eaten "delights", free.
"A heart without words is of far more value than words without heart"
- John Bunyun
Sunday, December 03, 2006
"He who lives without prayer, he who lives with little prayer, he who seldom reads the Word, and he who seldom looks up to heaven for a fresh influence from on high -he will be the man whose heart will become dry and barren."
-Charles Spurgeon
"Our confidence is not in understanding God’s plan but in knowing we can fully trust in God’s good heart & purpose for good, in leading each step of our lives.
Even now, as we are faced with the fears of the future, I confidently renew my promise to the Lord, daily declaring, “O Lord who is One, lead on and I will follow Thee.” "
-Unknown
"No matter how far away it all may seem, again and again I seem to be somehow falling towards this vision in a way I can't explain. Suspending the law of gravity couldn't stop this longing in my soul from pursuing its goal. No force of nature could pry this dream from my hand. While it seems that I am waiting here… simply suspended in mid-air, I am in fact progressing towards this ultimate and unique destiny which was God-breathed. As I descend, I have to trust that I am gaining speed and momentum in the way of experience and refinement. Each day, each trial, and each victory brings me closer to the certain reality of it-just as time flows eternally forward without fail. In hindsight, I'll stop and suddenly think how quickly the time passed to bring me to that place where my great passions and the great needs of the world met. "
-Tric Morris
"Only let us live up to what we have already attained."
-Philippians 3:16
"You have stolen my heart, my sister, my bride; you have stolen my heart with one glance of your eyes..."
-God
-Charles Spurgeon
"Our confidence is not in understanding God’s plan but in knowing we can fully trust in God’s good heart & purpose for good, in leading each step of our lives.
Even now, as we are faced with the fears of the future, I confidently renew my promise to the Lord, daily declaring, “O Lord who is One, lead on and I will follow Thee.” "
-Unknown
"No matter how far away it all may seem, again and again I seem to be somehow falling towards this vision in a way I can't explain. Suspending the law of gravity couldn't stop this longing in my soul from pursuing its goal. No force of nature could pry this dream from my hand. While it seems that I am waiting here… simply suspended in mid-air, I am in fact progressing towards this ultimate and unique destiny which was God-breathed. As I descend, I have to trust that I am gaining speed and momentum in the way of experience and refinement. Each day, each trial, and each victory brings me closer to the certain reality of it-just as time flows eternally forward without fail. In hindsight, I'll stop and suddenly think how quickly the time passed to bring me to that place where my great passions and the great needs of the world met. "
-Tric Morris
"Only let us live up to what we have already attained."
-Philippians 3:16
"You have stolen my heart, my sister, my bride; you have stolen my heart with one glance of your eyes..."
-God
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
