one step at a time...
It seems hardly possible that almost two years have passed since I felt God lead me out of YWAM (worldwide Christian missions) & into a season of dwelling near family in good ol' Kansas City, MO... While my 3 years with YWAM were some of the most healing, identity-releasing, & confidence-in-Christ-building; this time with family has been some of the most root-deepening & reinforcing, especially in the realm of what it means to "stir up/strengthen my own soul in the Lord." Prior to the last couple years, I hadn't lived near family for a decade. So, re-connecting in a tangible way with them has been simply marvelous.
I've also had the joy of substitute teaching these two years in over a dozen different schools, ages K-12. I've genuinely enjoyed it BIG-time. There has been countless important conversations, opportunities to serve & love, as well as prayer walk these schools in a district with astonishingly rampant poverty (recent statistics say that over 70% of the youth here are growing up in poverty...). The picture the Lord kept giving me through others these 2 years has been that of taking a "Johnny Appleseed" role of scattering seeds of love, prayer, & service that are indeed hard & laborious at times, but they DO matter & WILL take root in one way or another. He's been showing me all over again the utter privilege of the hidden/behind the scenes servant & seed-planting roles...it's true ya know, all growth and life we see surrounding us started from a seed.
Dang. Let that really sink in :)
Tuesday, February 08, 2011
a lil' life update [part dos].
During these last couple years, I've spent a good deal of time involved with a local community known as The Boiler Room. It's part of the 24-7 Prayer International family. I have found these hearts rather kindred to say the least. The emphasis on First Love, Prayer, Mission & Creativity has had my heart responding with many a "YES!" in the last couple years of friendship, involvement, teachings, etc.
So, I've made the commute every weekend from where my family lives in St. Joseph, MO to live in KC during most of this 2 year season. The KC community home I live in is located right smack-dab in one of the top-10 worst neighborhoods in our nation {Yes, we live in this locale on purpose :) }.
Myles (a 23 yr old single fella),
Lindsay (23 yr old single gal),
Derek & Rebecca (a young married couple),
Shelby (18yr old single momma) & her two beautiful kiddos (2yr old Angel & 1yr old Quentin), and myself all dwell within our lovely little abode. We are a motley crew family indeed. I ADORE it.
And we find ourselves ever-stumbling upon more and more young single mommas with fatherless kids. Most of these young women's stories are stuffed full of the pain, turmoil & loss that they've come to see as "normal." So very many of these young people's realities are of the likes of which many of us only hear about in the news or read in about books. The experiences of abuse, rape, drugs, prostitution, neglect, poverty and abandonment that happen right here, in our nation, in our very neighborhoods are almost unbelievable. But they are indeed reality for these teens.
And then they encounter this God-Man Jesus.
And nothing is the same for them, ever again.
It's become clearer than ever to me, that these young women and children are the modern day “widow and orphan” that Scripture is so wildly emphatic that each of us intentionally love, serve, and care for.
It's been a high privilege for me to know & love each of them.
I'm more convinced than ever that God has special deep, deeeeep affections set aside for the ghetto, my friends.
I've never known more deeply that, truly, ours is the God that is indeed "so close to the broken-hearted." I've seen Him time & time again, take these girls' lives, take my life, take our lives, pasts, mistakes, & pains and:
"Do something new! See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland..." [Isaiah 43.19]
The reality is that most of these young women are facing a vicious cycle of little family support, lack of education, unemployment, and abusive relationships with men. Their situations are oftentimes dismal to say the least, and so often they aren't even aware of an alternative way to live life. But gosh, some of the hearts of these youth are just BEAUTIFUL. I wish I could transport them to you for just a minute and introduce you to all the unique wonder each of them holds. And this GOD of ours "always hopes" for them and relentlessly chases each of them. He's not put off or fearful in the least to full-on jump in to their lives. And the cycle so many of them are in is no match for His mighty love and powerful. Every day that I live life with these ones in the midst of their mess, I am confronted with the reality of how interconnected the human race truly is.
"Their" mess, is really "our" mess, the Church's mess, too.
I can honestly say that there is little more precious than the utter joy of watching an abandoned teenage mother freshly discover daily that there is a different Way, there is a Hope bigger than any reality she'd become accustomed to up until now.
She has unlimited access to the perfect, safe, involved, stable Heavenly Father Who desires her and pursues her, her kids (and her broken family as well) with an unwavering love, joy, freedom and hope.
Our little community home and weekly gatherings with these single moms are so very full of the "powerful mundane"...the every day living life together, that powerfully reveals to each of them that there truly is another Reality to live in all the days of their existence.
OHHH GOD! You're soooo GOOD and right in the middle of humankind's beautiful mess!
You willingly left perfection of beauty, love & holiness to put on a flesh suit and willingly entangle Yourself with the utterly broken, tattered mess of humanity. You CHOOSE to, You delight to do so, and You even call us Your Portion, Your Reward.
Teach us how to willingly, ever-increasingly lay aside our addictions to comfort and willingly entangle our short breath of a life in the affairs of our brothers and sisters so very in need of You, living, dwelling among us in our cities, at our jobs, in our classes, right down the street in our very neighborhoods.
There is absolutely no limit to the Love, Grace, Freedom and Hope that this very good News has afforded us all.
So, I've made the commute every weekend from where my family lives in St. Joseph, MO to live in KC during most of this 2 year season. The KC community home I live in is located right smack-dab in one of the top-10 worst neighborhoods in our nation {Yes, we live in this locale on purpose :) }.
Myles (a 23 yr old single fella),
Lindsay (23 yr old single gal),
Derek & Rebecca (a young married couple),
Shelby (18yr old single momma) & her two beautiful kiddos (2yr old Angel & 1yr old Quentin), and myself all dwell within our lovely little abode. We are a motley crew family indeed. I ADORE it.
And we find ourselves ever-stumbling upon more and more young single mommas with fatherless kids. Most of these young women's stories are stuffed full of the pain, turmoil & loss that they've come to see as "normal." So very many of these young people's realities are of the likes of which many of us only hear about in the news or read in about books. The experiences of abuse, rape, drugs, prostitution, neglect, poverty and abandonment that happen right here, in our nation, in our very neighborhoods are almost unbelievable. But they are indeed reality for these teens.
And then they encounter this God-Man Jesus.
And nothing is the same for them, ever again.
It's become clearer than ever to me, that these young women and children are the modern day “widow and orphan” that Scripture is so wildly emphatic that each of us intentionally love, serve, and care for.
It's been a high privilege for me to know & love each of them.
I'm more convinced than ever that God has special deep, deeeeep affections set aside for the ghetto, my friends.
I've never known more deeply that, truly, ours is the God that is indeed "so close to the broken-hearted." I've seen Him time & time again, take these girls' lives, take my life, take our lives, pasts, mistakes, & pains and:
"Do something new! See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland..." [Isaiah 43.19]
The reality is that most of these young women are facing a vicious cycle of little family support, lack of education, unemployment, and abusive relationships with men. Their situations are oftentimes dismal to say the least, and so often they aren't even aware of an alternative way to live life. But gosh, some of the hearts of these youth are just BEAUTIFUL. I wish I could transport them to you for just a minute and introduce you to all the unique wonder each of them holds. And this GOD of ours "always hopes" for them and relentlessly chases each of them. He's not put off or fearful in the least to full-on jump in to their lives. And the cycle so many of them are in is no match for His mighty love and powerful. Every day that I live life with these ones in the midst of their mess, I am confronted with the reality of how interconnected the human race truly is.
"Their" mess, is really "our" mess, the Church's mess, too.
I can honestly say that there is little more precious than the utter joy of watching an abandoned teenage mother freshly discover daily that there is a different Way, there is a Hope bigger than any reality she'd become accustomed to up until now.
She has unlimited access to the perfect, safe, involved, stable Heavenly Father Who desires her and pursues her, her kids (and her broken family as well) with an unwavering love, joy, freedom and hope.
Our little community home and weekly gatherings with these single moms are so very full of the "powerful mundane"...the every day living life together, that powerfully reveals to each of them that there truly is another Reality to live in all the days of their existence.
OHHH GOD! You're soooo GOOD and right in the middle of humankind's beautiful mess!
You willingly left perfection of beauty, love & holiness to put on a flesh suit and willingly entangle Yourself with the utterly broken, tattered mess of humanity. You CHOOSE to, You delight to do so, and You even call us Your Portion, Your Reward.
Teach us how to willingly, ever-increasingly lay aside our addictions to comfort and willingly entangle our short breath of a life in the affairs of our brothers and sisters so very in need of You, living, dwelling among us in our cities, at our jobs, in our classes, right down the street in our very neighborhoods.
There is absolutely no limit to the Love, Grace, Freedom and Hope that this very good News has afforded us all.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
no halfsies.
yup.
no halfsies.
no grey.
no fence straddling.
it's all or nothing.
in recent days, i've been re-struck with the realities of this upside-down Kingdom we've willingly handed our past lives over to, in order to become citizens of. we willingly chose to lay down all the successes, natural giftings, individualistic patterns, controlling/manipulative tendencies, self-gratifying cycles, etc. that once got us what we thought we needed/wanted. and now we...well... we still have those tendencies but now we daily hand them over to God, believing Him to wholly take us back to our original Edenic design, one day, one step, at a time.
we either believe ours is "the God who sees" (Genesis 16.13) 100% everything...like...everything in our lives, in our brainwaves, in our hearts; and "indeed gives what is good"(Psalm 85.12, John 8.36); indeed sets up our lives for wildly extravagant eternal success; or, as followers of other gods & ways & religions would attest to, this Jesus is just simply not God but one heckova good dude.
in this case another god, namely ourselves, takes the driver's seat and we find ourselves mostly alone to fend for ourselves on the wide open road of life, scrounging to gather all we can to "comfort" us in the handful of decades we assume we will have on earth.
but, thing is, this God-Man doesn't really leave the conversation open as to whether He's "just a good guy." He's either THE Way or a homeless wanderer who bantered much about an extremely strange, precarious, never-before-heard-of, insulting, entirely unique, backwards Way; a Way that He headed up. and a Way He then died for, unaware of whether or not a single person would actually accept His offer, love Him back and follow.
i was meandering in conversation with a dear friend the other nite (thanks, jas) about how subtle my doubts, fears and halfsies can really be. how sneaky, and at times subconscious, the deep soul-ponderings are that lead me to wonder if i'm really living life the right way ya know? i mean, is all this dying to self stuff really that necessary? once the Great Exchange goes down & He truly takes up residence inside each of us, all should be rather easy schmeasy for the most part, right?
but then, every so often, i find myself exceedingly reminded that, no no no, following this Man is indeed not easy schmeasy. but it is GOOD.
i remember telling a few friends in the last year or so in particular, that i felt as though i could literally feel God taking a shovel and digging out greater depths inside myself (some may call this "deepening the Well inside ourselves"). and this is GOOD and THRILLING and NEW, when this divine digging happens.
but, here's the deal. it's important to remember that there's also an inevitable pain that goes along with the greater depths being dug out.
as a kid, i remember watching my dad dig a hole for one of his myriad construction projects, and there was always that moment..
step 1: ground is content, settled, undisturbed.
step 2: the shovel comes on the scene and what was once serene & expected is now in a bit of upheaval, dirt strewn about, seemingly chaotic and unexpected holes take over.
[this is about the time the "ahhhhh whaaat the HECK is going on?! why am i so hungry and dissatisfied with what once satisfied??" sets in]
step 3: the new design and purpose has been accomplished and the soil has been re-settled [until the next digging of course :)
sometimes this Path with Him finds me ridiculously hungry, like, ravenously soul-hungry. it always takes me a while to figure out that i'm running amuck trying to sedate or, at the very least, very temporarily satisfy the soul cravings...but, frankly, it just takes some slamming into walls sometimes before i remember "oh yeahhh. i've been here before. this is one of those holes God carved out inside me...thaaaat's right. NOTHING is gonna satisfy this sucker but Him...".
i suppose what i wanted myself and everyone else to hear again is that if you're one of those who are presently keenly aware of the holes, cravings, and unsatisfied longings within yourself, then take heart. choose courage. choose joy & laughter even now. the very presence of aching and longing, of dissatisfaction and lack, is evidence of God's love invading yet another space, another corner, of your being. may the aches be used as a springboard further into your God, and not as an accusation against His utter kindness.
i've heard it said that "there is no growth without discomfort and pain", and i must say that, unfortunately, i've found this to be verrrry true :) but yonkers, He sure is close and kind in the midst of it, ey?
staying in constant, raw conversation with God is of utmost importance. turn all those monologues in your noggin to dialogues with the only One who can show you the Way all over again today, tomorrow, forever.
sometimes the greatest act of faith is jumping up and down, smiling, uproariously laughing our heads off, and yelling out the insane goodness, kindness, patience and love of our God towards each of us, because ours is a God Who is always making us a people who are able to "laugh at the days to come", because we KNOW Him and KNOW that he is perpetually for us, rooting for us, always our strength and song.
take out those old journals and remember your personal history He's been building with you gradually (but powerfully) over days, weeks, and years.
just do whatever it takes to stir up your soul again today with the mighty good medicine of His presence, joy, hope, and humbling but TRUE eternal perspective.
please don't look left and right and compare yourself to anyone else. please don't waste time on believing that lie that maybe you're "too radical, too lovesick". one Truth that all mankind holds in common is that we will each stand before God as an individual someday sooner than we know. we won't be compared in the slightest to so much as one other human.
may you daily give a whole-hearted "yes!" to the path less-traveled, to YOUR path with this Jesus and the Spirit-Friend who giddily has hunkered down and made His home inside you, He's sticking around and not goin anywhere. ahhhhh this. changes. everything!
and if your heart desires more kindred-spirited pals to run all-out with than ask Poppa for them... please just ask Him.
so, friends, let's fully allow ourselves to feel, acknowledge and give over our longings and soul cravings to this God again today. let's not fence straddle in the slightest. let's not temporarily distract or sedate. let's not stutter-step and hesitate to jump all-in. let's all-out run, in every area of our individual lives, but as part of a Family.
it takes Him to even love Him.
yup, we actually need Him to help us even love Him rightly.
this is incredibly frustrating & insulting.
that is, unless i'm leaning into Him. if i'm leaning into Him, my soul clinging to Him, then all is right as rain, all makes sense.
we were creatures DESIGNED to be needy, weak, dependent...on HIM.
no halfsies.
no grey.
no fence straddling.
it's all or nothing.
in recent days, i've been re-struck with the realities of this upside-down Kingdom we've willingly handed our past lives over to, in order to become citizens of. we willingly chose to lay down all the successes, natural giftings, individualistic patterns, controlling/manipulative tendencies, self-gratifying cycles, etc. that once got us what we thought we needed/wanted. and now we...well... we still have those tendencies but now we daily hand them over to God, believing Him to wholly take us back to our original Edenic design, one day, one step, at a time.
we either believe ours is "the God who sees" (Genesis 16.13) 100% everything...like...everything in our lives, in our brainwaves, in our hearts; and "indeed gives what is good"(Psalm 85.12, John 8.36); indeed sets up our lives for wildly extravagant eternal success; or, as followers of other gods & ways & religions would attest to, this Jesus is just simply not God but one heckova good dude.
in this case another god, namely ourselves, takes the driver's seat and we find ourselves mostly alone to fend for ourselves on the wide open road of life, scrounging to gather all we can to "comfort" us in the handful of decades we assume we will have on earth.
but, thing is, this God-Man doesn't really leave the conversation open as to whether He's "just a good guy." He's either THE Way or a homeless wanderer who bantered much about an extremely strange, precarious, never-before-heard-of, insulting, entirely unique, backwards Way; a Way that He headed up. and a Way He then died for, unaware of whether or not a single person would actually accept His offer, love Him back and follow.
i was meandering in conversation with a dear friend the other nite (thanks, jas) about how subtle my doubts, fears and halfsies can really be. how sneaky, and at times subconscious, the deep soul-ponderings are that lead me to wonder if i'm really living life the right way ya know? i mean, is all this dying to self stuff really that necessary? once the Great Exchange goes down & He truly takes up residence inside each of us, all should be rather easy schmeasy for the most part, right?
but then, every so often, i find myself exceedingly reminded that, no no no, following this Man is indeed not easy schmeasy. but it is GOOD.
i remember telling a few friends in the last year or so in particular, that i felt as though i could literally feel God taking a shovel and digging out greater depths inside myself (some may call this "deepening the Well inside ourselves"). and this is GOOD and THRILLING and NEW, when this divine digging happens.
but, here's the deal. it's important to remember that there's also an inevitable pain that goes along with the greater depths being dug out.
as a kid, i remember watching my dad dig a hole for one of his myriad construction projects, and there was always that moment..
step 1: ground is content, settled, undisturbed.
step 2: the shovel comes on the scene and what was once serene & expected is now in a bit of upheaval, dirt strewn about, seemingly chaotic and unexpected holes take over.
[this is about the time the "ahhhhh whaaat the HECK is going on?! why am i so hungry and dissatisfied with what once satisfied??" sets in]
step 3: the new design and purpose has been accomplished and the soil has been re-settled [until the next digging of course :)
sometimes this Path with Him finds me ridiculously hungry, like, ravenously soul-hungry. it always takes me a while to figure out that i'm running amuck trying to sedate or, at the very least, very temporarily satisfy the soul cravings...but, frankly, it just takes some slamming into walls sometimes before i remember "oh yeahhh. i've been here before. this is one of those holes God carved out inside me...thaaaat's right. NOTHING is gonna satisfy this sucker but Him...".
i suppose what i wanted myself and everyone else to hear again is that if you're one of those who are presently keenly aware of the holes, cravings, and unsatisfied longings within yourself, then take heart. choose courage. choose joy & laughter even now. the very presence of aching and longing, of dissatisfaction and lack, is evidence of God's love invading yet another space, another corner, of your being. may the aches be used as a springboard further into your God, and not as an accusation against His utter kindness.
i've heard it said that "there is no growth without discomfort and pain", and i must say that, unfortunately, i've found this to be verrrry true :) but yonkers, He sure is close and kind in the midst of it, ey?
staying in constant, raw conversation with God is of utmost importance. turn all those monologues in your noggin to dialogues with the only One who can show you the Way all over again today, tomorrow, forever.
sometimes the greatest act of faith is jumping up and down, smiling, uproariously laughing our heads off, and yelling out the insane goodness, kindness, patience and love of our God towards each of us, because ours is a God Who is always making us a people who are able to "laugh at the days to come", because we KNOW Him and KNOW that he is perpetually for us, rooting for us, always our strength and song.
take out those old journals and remember your personal history He's been building with you gradually (but powerfully) over days, weeks, and years.
just do whatever it takes to stir up your soul again today with the mighty good medicine of His presence, joy, hope, and humbling but TRUE eternal perspective.
please don't look left and right and compare yourself to anyone else. please don't waste time on believing that lie that maybe you're "too radical, too lovesick". one Truth that all mankind holds in common is that we will each stand before God as an individual someday sooner than we know. we won't be compared in the slightest to so much as one other human.
may you daily give a whole-hearted "yes!" to the path less-traveled, to YOUR path with this Jesus and the Spirit-Friend who giddily has hunkered down and made His home inside you, He's sticking around and not goin anywhere. ahhhhh this. changes. everything!
and if your heart desires more kindred-spirited pals to run all-out with than ask Poppa for them... please just ask Him.
so, friends, let's fully allow ourselves to feel, acknowledge and give over our longings and soul cravings to this God again today. let's not fence straddle in the slightest. let's not temporarily distract or sedate. let's not stutter-step and hesitate to jump all-in. let's all-out run, in every area of our individual lives, but as part of a Family.
it takes Him to even love Him.
yup, we actually need Him to help us even love Him rightly.
this is incredibly frustrating & insulting.
that is, unless i'm leaning into Him. if i'm leaning into Him, my soul clinging to Him, then all is right as rain, all makes sense.
we were creatures DESIGNED to be needy, weak, dependent...on HIM.
Friday, November 12, 2010
love never goes to waste.
no, realllllly though.
it NEVER goes to waste.
it may SEEM to go to waste when i put time constraints or preconceived notions/desires of the outcomes on giving love.
it may SEEM to go to waste if i don't perceive getting something, even a tiny something, "in return."
it may SEEM to go to waste when the person in front of my face that i'm attempting to love well, as best i know how in that given moment, responds in a negative or neutral fashion.
it may SEEM to go to waste when...
you fill in your own blanks, friends.
but, here's the bottom line--
the very nature of love, i'm talking REAL, ETERNAL, PERFECT Love flows from one place...and boy oh boy does it flow with no end & without conditions.
if i find myself getting tired loving and fully embracing certain persons, myself, environments or situations...well- it's a red flag, a dear old friend, meant to expose to me my inner parts that have yet to lean on God, and on HIS kind of Love.
"PERFECT Love throws out, expels, casts out, rejects ALL fear.", right? RIGHT.
no need to "hold back" or "save" our love for those whom we perceive to receive it the way we'd like for them to receive/apply it...that's a mentality of rationing our love.
no need to ration infinite, fearless love. no need to give in to a utilitarian mindset that weighs and schemes love...that is simply not the simple but strong childlike Love we are called, equipped, and privileged to give away.
"LOVE. NEVER. FAILS."
.[1 corinthians 13].
no, realllllly though.
it NEVER goes to waste.
it may SEEM to go to waste when i put time constraints or preconceived notions/desires of the outcomes on giving love.
it may SEEM to go to waste if i don't perceive getting something, even a tiny something, "in return."
it may SEEM to go to waste when the person in front of my face that i'm attempting to love well, as best i know how in that given moment, responds in a negative or neutral fashion.
it may SEEM to go to waste when...
you fill in your own blanks, friends.
but, here's the bottom line--
the very nature of love, i'm talking REAL, ETERNAL, PERFECT Love flows from one place...and boy oh boy does it flow with no end & without conditions.
if i find myself getting tired loving and fully embracing certain persons, myself, environments or situations...well- it's a red flag, a dear old friend, meant to expose to me my inner parts that have yet to lean on God, and on HIS kind of Love.
"PERFECT Love throws out, expels, casts out, rejects ALL fear.", right? RIGHT.
no need to "hold back" or "save" our love for those whom we perceive to receive it the way we'd like for them to receive/apply it...that's a mentality of rationing our love.
no need to ration infinite, fearless love. no need to give in to a utilitarian mindset that weighs and schemes love...that is simply not the simple but strong childlike Love we are called, equipped, and privileged to give away.
"LOVE. NEVER. FAILS."
.[1 corinthians 13].
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Tuesday, October 05, 2010
"Some time later the brook dried up."
[1 Kings 17.7]
Can I be honest?
For some time now, I have been attracted to only music, movies, art, etc. that force me to dig, search and chase the meaning of the lyrics, melodies, patterns, subtleties, etc.
I have an almost borderline distaste for overtly-wholesome lyrics even.
Weird, ey? Perhaps.
But I think it's mayhaps an outer indicator of where I'm presently at inwardly with my God...it's a dig, dig, dig time. A press in, go higher and go deeper time. It's simply not a time to sit back and let Truth and Freedom and rubber-meets-the-road Love come to me on a silver platter. So many of the sources I'm accustomed to going to, to fill that hungry being that resides within each of us humans, have, simply not satisfied the way they used to.
God, keep making us a people willing/desiring to daily choose to hold Your hand and continue to allow You to lead and guide, yet allow this ever-building hunger and stubbourness to march forth inside our soul and make the tough choices that You are not willing to make for us; to refuse to let the spell of this decaying world's idea of "success" and the false beauty of microwave/immediate results enchant us any longer, to the best of our ability.
Or, should I say, to the best of Your ability rushing forth within us...
Oh that we would be swept away by it instead of the vain, anchorless, fading distractions and lesser gods.
This indescribably bright, pure, crisp and frighteningly beautiful light that we've caught a glimpse of in even the slightest flicker of Your eyes far outweighs it all and should be all we need to daily stand up and use that gift of a free will that resides within us and CHOOSE You.
I've more than a slight suspicion that Your countenance glows with joy when so much as one of the billions of humans You fashioned use their free will to make a choice for love.
After all, this life thing is truly composed of a series of choices I suppose.
[1 Kings 17.7]
Can I be honest?
For some time now, I have been attracted to only music, movies, art, etc. that force me to dig, search and chase the meaning of the lyrics, melodies, patterns, subtleties, etc.
I have an almost borderline distaste for overtly-wholesome lyrics even.
Weird, ey? Perhaps.
But I think it's mayhaps an outer indicator of where I'm presently at inwardly with my God...it's a dig, dig, dig time. A press in, go higher and go deeper time. It's simply not a time to sit back and let Truth and Freedom and rubber-meets-the-road Love come to me on a silver platter. So many of the sources I'm accustomed to going to, to fill that hungry being that resides within each of us humans, have, simply not satisfied the way they used to.
God, keep making us a people willing/desiring to daily choose to hold Your hand and continue to allow You to lead and guide, yet allow this ever-building hunger and stubbourness to march forth inside our soul and make the tough choices that You are not willing to make for us; to refuse to let the spell of this decaying world's idea of "success" and the false beauty of microwave/immediate results enchant us any longer, to the best of our ability.
Or, should I say, to the best of Your ability rushing forth within us...
Oh that we would be swept away by it instead of the vain, anchorless, fading distractions and lesser gods.
This indescribably bright, pure, crisp and frighteningly beautiful light that we've caught a glimpse of in even the slightest flicker of Your eyes far outweighs it all and should be all we need to daily stand up and use that gift of a free will that resides within us and CHOOSE You.
I've more than a slight suspicion that Your countenance glows with joy when so much as one of the billions of humans You fashioned use their free will to make a choice for love.
After all, this life thing is truly composed of a series of choices I suppose.
Monday, October 04, 2010
Who's in charge here?
Oh, how quickly those things not held with an open hand become idols, small gods which drag us around as they please and which we serve.
It truly is more apparent than ever to me that we human beings are indeed creatures who in our very basic wiring WILL worship. We SHALL continually make either THE God or far, far lesser god(s) our master. Myriad distractions, busy-ness & noise vie for our minds, affections, time and, ultimately, our entire lives.
So, what'll it be? Who or what will I allow to lead me around?
May we not just look to God to guide our months or years...but all those untold moments and hours that no one else will ever see or recognize or praise. This hour is continually turning into the next hour. Every day is continually turning into the next day. It never stops moving and morphing, changing and growing. We will either become the slave or, in God's might, make our thoughts, desires, and days our slaves.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Love handcuffed to a choice.
One conundrum I've pondered off & on the last 6 years or so in particular is this reality of living in the paradox of knowing, at any given time, if we are found in Christ and Christ is found in us as sons and daughters of God, that we are free to be content/unburdened/whole/secure/soul-rested in God alone always; yet, we need other humans, we need relationships.
We just do.
The following is a little blip of an email from my dear aunt Pam:
"It’s difficult to separate what we want from what God wants for us in each of our relationships. “Genuine indifference to the outcome” is how I want to live every day of my life and that includes all things, relationships among them. When Jesus makes it possible for us to believe that God really has our best interests in mind for every aspect of our lives, it’s possible to just sit back and become an active spectator…Active Spectator...sorry for the oxymoron, but so much of following Christ is paradox and oxymoron."
I really believe with my guts that the paradoxes of life with this Savior are meant not to torment, or leave us "stranded" with our unanswered questions, or to leave us in a state of feeling unsettled. What if these paradoxes of life in relationship and community are a GREAT act of love to provoke us to our lovesick God's side and STAY there. Relationships are, and forever will be on this side of Eternity, full of glory, agony, fun, disappointment, ecstasy, pain, surprise both good and not so good, and outlandish beauty. And we MUST fling ourselves into them, giving our lives and love away as best we know how- not giving in to some goofy mindset that we may somehow "run out of love" if we give away "too much" to others. And what about investing in friendships without the guarantee that those same relationships and heart-friends will always be living life with us in our vicinity, close by.
No, there is no pretty answer, no guarantee to these things. Only the guarantee that the God's kind of love is without limit and He is without any reservation in pouring it through us IF we desire. Daily.
Intimacy, depth of love, and covenant will always be full of paradox. Always. But the thing to meditate on through every up and every down and every moment of numbness is this God. This One that started this whole life & existence thing, the One that spun this planet on it's axis and each human in it's mother's womb for one reason: He longed to share. Share love. Share life. And in our depths we long for the same. We just do. He's a God of not just joy, peace, blessing and love. He is most assuredly completely saturated in those things in His very nature and character. But He is definitely a God of pressure. Of trial. Of paradox. Of provocation. But He provokes because He is compelled to do so by His very nature of love.
So, when, not if, each of us has one of those moments or days (like I just so happen to be having today) where life just seems ick in some ways, when some expectations for how life will roll out before us come crashing into reality head-long...THAT is it. THAT is the GIFT of a moment to let out the Hero, the Brave one that resides in each of us and CHOOSE. Choose to have faith/confidence in this One that willingly rescued us from our abysmal darkness and blindness. Choose to give away that kind of Love that God and each of us perhaps longs for the most:
The kind of love that is handcuffed to a hard choice.
It doesn't come easy, it is not instantly gratifying oftentimes & it is burgeoning with trust in the Person Who is Love itself. This isn't the cute puppies and enjoying someone's presence just when they're happy and chock full 'o life/joy form of love. This is Love handcuffed to a CHOICE, and a harrrrd choice at that sometimes.
If, at any moment, we need an in-the-flesh, outright example of what this looks like, we can and must be still and meditate on this perfectly holy, unblemished, unwrinkled God who decided the right thing to do (not the FAIR thing to do, mind you) would be to come down to our dirty, decaying earth, step inside each of our prison cells, and take our place on death row. Love handcuffed to a choice.
Dear God show me Who you are and what You're like again all over this day. And please give us the strength in You to keep allowing You to carve out more and more and more space inside each of us for Yourself that You may live & move around and love as You alone please. Teach us to be ever-increasingly open-handed, active spectators in our hearts, relationships, longings, work, play, and thoughts...oh make us a people skilled at living in paradox and oxymoron.
With You at our side we are able indeed.
You are mighty good God.
We each know this full well.
You have proven your love time and time and time and time and time again.
You have made the decision to bind Yourself to us in faithfulness.
Teach us, oh teach us to do the same with steadfast hearts brave enough to CHOOSE love. Daily.
Monday, September 20, 2010
Your boundaries are so DAD GUM pleasant!
I. LIIIKE:
Submission.
Spiritual covering.
Accountability.
Real depth/commitment/rawness of friendship.
Covenant.
Boy oh boy, I LIKE THESE.
I AM SO SO SOOOO GRATEFUL FOR THESE.
I LOVE how God designed these boundaries to truly set each of us freeee.
In the same way that water being buzzed through a hose has far more power, & far more directed power than free flowing water just plopping down out of the sky every which way...the boundaries You lovingly set up, or at least long to set up, in each of our lives are GOOD my God. Mighty, mighty good.
The path of least resistance, lone ranger-ness, inbred truth...all these & so much more can be avoided through Your beautiful gift of boundaries and the safety of covenant family.
I LOVE how "faith expressing itself through LOVE" finds an all the more spacious place to roam & express itself in the humility of brotherly/sisterly love in this FAMILY of God.
Oh precious God, THANKS SOOO MUCH for spiritual parents, spiritual bro's & sis'....a FAMILY more legit than just about anything. How quick You are to set us in these deep, powerful, tough but beautiful relationships if we truly long & ask for them.
"LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance." Psalm 16:5-6
Oh God, how I ADORE Your outlandishly loving boundaries.
Submission.
Spiritual covering.
Accountability.
Real depth/commitment/rawness of friendship.
Covenant.
Boy oh boy, I LIKE THESE.
I AM SO SO SOOOO GRATEFUL FOR THESE.
I LOVE how God designed these boundaries to truly set each of us freeee.
In the same way that water being buzzed through a hose has far more power, & far more directed power than free flowing water just plopping down out of the sky every which way...the boundaries You lovingly set up, or at least long to set up, in each of our lives are GOOD my God. Mighty, mighty good.
The path of least resistance, lone ranger-ness, inbred truth...all these & so much more can be avoided through Your beautiful gift of boundaries and the safety of covenant family.
I LOVE how "faith expressing itself through LOVE" finds an all the more spacious place to roam & express itself in the humility of brotherly/sisterly love in this FAMILY of God.
Oh precious God, THANKS SOOO MUCH for spiritual parents, spiritual bro's & sis'....a FAMILY more legit than just about anything. How quick You are to set us in these deep, powerful, tough but beautiful relationships if we truly long & ask for them.
"LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance." Psalm 16:5-6
Oh God, how I ADORE Your outlandishly loving boundaries.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
decisions & family...
like this article.
it seems rather balanced in tackling some of the heftier/foundational truths of daily interactions with God and our fellow humans.
i like the emphasis on the value that interactions with our God should be an on-going conversation.
oh God, keep making us a collective people, a Family, humble & confident enough in our identity in You, that we can say from time to time, like the 3 fellows all those years ago who were about to be thrown into a hootenanny hot blazin' furnace, "ya know what? i'm not 100% sure of what i'm doing or where i'm always going or what the point of this current confusion/hardship is or how/if God will show up the way i suppose He will. but you know what else...God really does hold me, hold us. and to the best of my ability, i've attempted to live up to the Truth that i have attained in Him up to today. i've tried my dangdest to be led by the gut-level peace that He alone stirs within my depths that nothing else can touch or take away. i just have..."
and, heck yes, we will still get it wrong sometimes and need to back out of things with love & grace. but SWEET HECK we've been placed in the RAD-EST, most COLOURFUL, WISE, FUN & LOVING Family....EVER. we have wise council, discerning heart-friends & loved ones to help us patiently, trustingly make decisions with our God & eachother.
DANG i love this God.
and DANG i love this Family.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
AAAAnd I'll take that burden. Yep, EVERY one. EVERY day. Kay, thanks.
Psalms 55.22 & 1 Peter 5.7 [literal translation of Hebrew]:
"(Cast, cast out, cast away, cast down, cast forth, cast off, hurl, fling, shed) your (care, burden, lot that is given you) onto God and He WILL (contain, feed, sustain, abide, nourish, hold, receive, victual, bear, comprehended) you. He will NEVER let the righteous be (moved, overcome, fall)."
"(Cast, throw) ALL your anxiety onto Him. Why? Because He (cares, is interested in, is concerned) for you."
"(Cast, cast out, cast away, cast down, cast forth, cast off, hurl, fling, shed) your (care, burden, lot that is given you) onto God and He WILL (contain, feed, sustain, abide, nourish, hold, receive, victual, bear, comprehended) you. He will NEVER let the righteous be (moved, overcome, fall)."
"(Cast, throw) ALL your anxiety onto Him. Why? Because He (cares, is interested in, is concerned) for you."
monks. melodies. meadows.
a lil snippet of my soundtrack for the drive today...
SERIOUSLY y'all.
PLEASE spend some days at a monastery/abbey/convent from time to time if at all possible.
I had SUCH a dreamy time a few days back at Conception Abbey (in Conception, Missouri) hanging out with the monks & their live organ tunes; really being, just BEING, in silence for hours & hours at a time and simply letting this God re-center it all once again...oh when He shows up with His divine plumbline; when He recalibrates all the chaos that can ensue when the eternal being inside me constantly collides with the temporal jungle surrounding it...and does His magic.
I'm so grateful for the reverence and the quiet, brave routine of those living full-blown monastic lifestyles.
God help me continue to implement these life-giving structures/disciplines that make space for greater freedom into my own every day existence.
oh dear me.
really.
so good.
just so, so good.
SERIOUSLY y'all.
PLEASE spend some days at a monastery/abbey/convent from time to time if at all possible.
I had SUCH a dreamy time a few days back at Conception Abbey (in Conception, Missouri) hanging out with the monks & their live organ tunes; really being, just BEING, in silence for hours & hours at a time and simply letting this God re-center it all once again...oh when He shows up with His divine plumbline; when He recalibrates all the chaos that can ensue when the eternal being inside me constantly collides with the temporal jungle surrounding it...and does His magic.
I'm so grateful for the reverence and the quiet, brave routine of those living full-blown monastic lifestyles.
God help me continue to implement these life-giving structures/disciplines that make space for greater freedom into my own every day existence.
oh dear me.
really.
so good.
just so, so good.
Thursday, September 02, 2010
I'm presently really enjoying this little 122-page gem.
It's written in this ancient form of writing called "sense lines" which helps the reader pause and really ponder certain things without 21st-century-style plowing through.
This collection of thoughts is somethin' else. I find it's already gently but effectively exposing filters I didn't even know I had about this God-Man.
"Most folks think of Jesus
as the man who started Christianity.
But it turns out
he wasn't just a man,
and he didn't just start Christianity.
Most folks think of Jesus
as an other-worldly religious leader,
a great moral teacher,
or maybe they don't think of him at all.
But he had dirty feet,
partied,
cooked breakfast
and got himself killed.
Who was this guy?
Why did people hate him so much?
And why should I care?
Whether you've never looked closely at the Christian faith or you've dismissed it as irrelevant, you owe yourself a glance at a Jesus unencumbered by stereotypes. You might be surprised at what you see..."
Wednesday, September 01, 2010
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Monday, August 23, 2010
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